


We Live Through Scars This Time

by louiesunshine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Teacher Louis, Violence IS mentioned, rape is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2018-05-31 21:26:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 75,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6487954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louiesunshine/pseuds/louiesunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At 21, Louis Tomlinson has had a heavy heart for the majority of his life. The constant wonder of his childhood best friend that ended up being kidnapped and missing twelve years ago consumed everything within him. His life is turned upside down when Harry reappears, mentally and physically damaged yet still the same little boy he loved with all his heart.</p><p>At 19, Harry Styles has been in escape mode for the majority of his life. The constant wonder of why out of all the children of the world that he could have been chosen to be taken consumed everything within him. His life is turned upside down when he manages to finally escape his worst nightmare after twelve years. He returns home to his family a different person, and is reacquainted with his childhood best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

Harry hasn’t seen sunlight in twelve years.

His wrists, that have been cuffed, tied, and cut, stung. The irritation illustrated by their bright redness. Harry’s ankles matched his wrists, both of which were numbed by the constant abuse. How he was walking without falling, he didn’t know.

He became easily distracted by the trees, the grass and the beautiful sunlight. It had been so long since he had last been about to witness nature in its purest form. He knew he had to continue sprinting, but the beauty of the environment around him prevented him to do so momentarily. It bothered him that he had to squint and close his eyes when staring at the sun. He just wanted to see it without pain; he was sick of constantly being in pain.

The surroundings didn’t make it clear to Harry where he could possibly be. He wandered around aimlessly far past sunset. The breezy air created goosebumps that covered Harry’s arms. The ripped t-shirt and gym shorts did not provide him with any warmth. The ends of his loose ringlets touched his shoulders, the front strands of hair occasionally covering his eyes.

Every now and then the forest emitted noises, causing Harry to frantically whip around, hoping he didn’t see his enemy. The enemy he miraculously escaped from was the bastard that brought him the worst possible pain for the last twelve years, starting at the age of seven.

Harry’s eyes lit up when a small wooden cottage appeared in his line of vision. It didn’t look like the broken down dump he was held captive in. He sped up as he neared the house. Without a thought, he slammed his fists on the door, ignoring the pain that bloomed in his hands. There were no lights on in the house, making Harry assume nobody was home. Fortunately for him, the cottage came to life with bright lights, the door swung open and there stood an angry older man.

“What the hell are you doing?” The man snarled, gripping what seemed like a baseball bat.

Harry broke down.

The sudden rush of emotion from the poor young boy startled the older man, he wondered where this boy came from and why he was out in the woods this late at night. He estimated that the boy couldn’t be older than eighteen or nineteen years old. He was frighteningly thin, dirty, and completely torn apart. Instantly, sympathy for the nameless boy filled the man. With a bit of hesitation, he pulled him inside and sat him down on one of his recliners.

The man maneuvered his way to the closest nearby and pulled out a blanket. Harry felt warmth engulf him and his sobbing lessened, eventually stopping. Suddenly the face of the owner of the cottage was in front of him, he leaned back to create some space.

“What’s your name, mate?” The man asked softly.

Harry shook his head, knowing that he wasn’t allowed to speak without permission. Without permission, pain will be inflicted and Harry feared that more than anything.

The man spotted the redness on Harry’s wrists, and reached out to get a better look at them. Immediately Harry flinched, pushing himself back rapidly. Screams erupted from the frightened boy. The man didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to hurt the boy, and it seemed like if he were to step any closer, all hell would break loose.

Harry’s shouts faded as he fell to the ground and brought his knees to his chest. He began to cry, which was enough for the cabin owner to grab his phone and call the local police station. From the ground, Harry watched the man speak to someone on the phone and also listened to the person on the other line.

“He has bad cuts on his wrists and ankles. His clothes are ripped and so dirty.”

Harry wondered who he was speaking with. Could it possibly be _him_ ? What if he was letting _him_ know that he had found Harry and he can come and retrieve him?

“Don’t let him get me,” Harry mumbled, chanting the phrase repeatedly. Although a warm blanket covered his body, he began shivering uncontrollably.

The man panicked, demanding that the person on the other line come quickly. Harry’s vision went hazy as he attempted to stand; he needed to leave. He regretted asking for assistance, he should have done things for himself. It was naive of him to believe that there are any good individuals in the world. After being surrounded by the devil himself, Harry couldn’t help but assume that everybody else in the world was the same. No one came for him. If they were looking, they didn’t do it hard enough. If his own family, who had expressed their unconditional love multiple times, weren’t persistent enough to find him even years later, then how could there be any good people?

His family simply gave up on finding him. He quickly vowed to not rely on people; he won’t be making that mistake a second time.

“What are you doing, mate? The police are on their way, just stay still.”

_He’s lying. He called him. He’s on his way to get back to you. RUN._

Harry ran and didn’t look back.

**\-----**

“Mr. Tommo? Can we skip nap time today?”

Louis rolled his eyes at little Robbie’s attempt, it’s endearing really. Nap time is Louis’ break time, after various hours of watching  over and controlling fifteen five year olds.

Growing up with a bunch of sisters instilled in him his love of children, Louis felt that he could handle them very well. Additionally, he was proud to play a small role in his students’ development. He is given an opportunity to teach and give knowledge to the kids. It’s fun for him, these children were at a fun time in their lives. There’s never a dull moment. A teacher for little kids has fun lessons, no lectures like in university. Louis loves teaching, and he loves the little booger eaters, so he combined his two passions.

Louis sighed, “No Robbie, pal. I’m sorry but you kiddos need to rest after learning and playing so much!”

“How about we learn more and ditch the sleeping?” Robbie smiled widely. The little shit was trying to be slick, and it wasn’t his first attempt. His mother explained to Louis that her son constantly refused to sleep ever since he had a nightmare about a Power Ranger attacking him. Sleeping and Power Rangers were his worst nightmares.

It’s an everyday occurrence, and while Louis should have gotten frustrated, he really couldn’t because Robbie happens to be adorable. He hated to admit it, but he occasionally had to give himself a scolding when he felt himself conceding to Robbie’s wishes.

“I’m sorry, my little ranger, nap time cannot be skipped. Do you know how grumpy you lot will get without one?”

With a sense of understanding, Robbie nodded, “My sister, Elouise, is unbearable when she doesn’t nap.” He huffed, shaking his head in annoyance.

“And you know the meaning of unbearable,” Louis stated with wide eyes.

Robbie shrugged, “I hear my mum say it to my dad a lot.”

After ten minutes of getting all the children laying in their appropriate sleeping spots, Louis makes his way to his desk to kill some time by creating a lesson. He’s quite surprised that he hasn’t received an email from his mother yet, lately she had made it her mission to set him up with Doncaster’s most eligible bachelors. Why she believed Louis needed to find his future partner at the age of twenty-one, the world may never know.

To be honest, Louis just didn’t have the desire to date, sure he had a few hookups throughout university, but he determinedly stayed away from long-term relationships. Teaching had always been his main focus, which was why he was able to get ahead in school and receive his teaching degree at a young age.  

It was safe to say that dating was never something he had time for.

It doesn’t mean that he wasn’t lonely though, because he was.

He wasn’t going to give his mother the satisfaction of knowing that piece of information.

As he made progress, Louis eventually received that email from his mother. Rolling his eyes, he pressed the email with the subject line “EMERGENCY.” Louis didn’t see why another potential blind date would be an emergency.

_Louis,_

_I’ve tried to text and call you, but your phone is off. Call me immediately._

_-mum_

Confusion filled Louis as his mother knew that he didn’t want any distractions while teaching, so for her to still to try to reach him meant something important.

With it being nap time, it was the perfect opportunity to ring his mum quickly. He grabbed his phone, trying his best to not panic and catastrophize his mum’s message. Once he quietly stepped out of the classroom, leaving the booger eaters to dream about sunshine and rainbows and for Robbie, Power Rangers attackings, he unlocked his phone and pressed his mum’s contact.

In three rings, Louis heard what sounded like either Daisy’s or Phoebe's voice greet him.

“Lou-bear!”

“Hello my love, now which one are you?”

“Daisy!”

“Well in that case, what’s going on my little flower?” Louis distinctly heard the voices of all his siblings in the background. He loved how chaotic things would get at home, so much life in each child, it warmed his heart.

And with a snap of a finger, the warmth in his heart ran cold.

“Lou, who’s Harry?”


	2. II

As a child, Louis wondered about so many aspects of the world, which was perfectly normal for any young child. He questioned why the sky was blue and why his mum didn’t let him leave Lottie at the park for another family to take her in. Ever since he was nine-years-old Louis wondered why it wasn’t him that got taken away by some stranger. No one should have to experience that, and yet his best mate did.

Fortunately, a park happened to not be far from the Styles’ home. It was the destination where both Louis and Harry played frequently. They’ve had several birthday parties there; you could say that the place was special since it has held several memories for them.

Towards the end of July, the weather was beautiful for the children in the neighborhood to run around freely. Sunbeams broke through the clouds that swiftly passed by, the flowers bloomed and their vibrant colors displayed in gardens. On this particular day, Louis and Harry had spent the whole day at the park. They ran around, played hide and seek, made flower crowns (per Harry’s request), and simply laid down in the grass to determine what each cloud resembled.

Ever since that day, Louis had never done those activities again nor had he placed a foot on that park.

As the day progressed, the sun slowly lowered as the moon rose. The light transitioned to dark, making Harry excitedly suggest that they play hide and seek once again.

“Haz, I won’t be able to see you,” Louis reasoned with his younger mate. With being a whopping two, almost three years older, Louis had assigned himself the task of being in charge of Harry. So, as much as he wanted to run around and hide in the dark, he needed to protect Harry and make sure he was safe. He always promised both Harry’s parents and his own that he’d look after him.

Harry huffed. “That’s the point, Lou, it will be an adventure!”

He looked so excited, which wasn’t helping Louis’ judgment because he tended to always allow Harry to get his way, with a bit of hesitation, of course.

“What if you get lost forever? I’m kind of going to miss you, silly.”

The statement made Harry giggle into his hand; Louis felt proud of himself for getting that little reaction out of Harry. It had been his personal mission to assure that he made Harry laugh, giggle, or smile at least once a day. His heart broke a little whenever he had to witness Harry being upset. He would never allow that to happen under his watch.

“I’ll miss you too, Lou Lou,” Harry whispered. “But I really want to play. Just one game! Then we can go home. I pinkie promise.”

At seven years old, a pinkie promise was no joke.

Louis didn’t want to admit it, but he did really want to play at least one game. He didn’t think it would hurt, they could hurry back to Harry’s house. He contemplated it a little while longer.

“Just one game, Hazzy.”

Harry jumped up and down, and with a shout, “You are the seeker!”

The younger lad was known for being a little uncoordinated and not at all a speedster when it came to running, so to say that Louis was impressed when Harry disappeared was pretty accurate. Louis quickly closed his eyes and began to count to ten. On the last number, he sought out his friend.

“Oh, Harryyyyyyyyy! Where are youuuu?” He sang. “Come out Hazzy.”

The sound of the bushes moving grabbed Louis’ attention. He made his way to the moving bushes, hoping to find Harry so they could head home. He was beginning to get hungry, and the thought of Mrs. Styles’ home cooking excited him.

He got to the bushes, only to find Harry wasn’t there. He turned around and could barely see anything with how dark it was. Apprehensiveness and fear crept into his stomach as he rushed around the playground. He continued to yell Harry’s name and shouting that he didn’t want to play anymore. He was hoping to hear more noises, any signs of life, so he could find Harry.

There was a noise.

A noise that was the last thing Louis wanted to hear.

A scream.

Harry’s scream.

**\-----**

“Lou, who’s Harry?”

Louis’ eyes widened. His heart stopped beating. He wasn’t sure if he had heard his little sister correctly. He hadn’t heard that name in what seemed like a million years, and he knew for a fact that neither of the twins knew who he was. Harry was taken a couple of years before they were even born. By the time they were at the age that they could remember names, Harry’s, in particular, was never brought up. It was such a sore subject for the Tomlinson family and especially for Louis that it was better for them to completely ignore it. Louis couldn’t think of the subject without feeling incredibly guilty.

It was under his watch that Harry was kidnapped. He would never forgive himself for letting that happened.

“Daisy, put mum on the phone please.”

“You didn’t answer my question though,” she whined.

Louis’ patience was long gone, so he snapped. “Just get her on the phone now.”

With a grumbled, “You’re being mean,” Daisy went on her way to hand the phone to their mum. It escaped Louis’ mind that he was at work and that the children didn’t have much longer in their naptime.

“Louis?”

He tensed up. “Mum, what’s going on? Why’s Daisy asking who Harry is? What happened? Tell me, Mum, now. I need to know.”

“Lou, Lou, Lou, breathe for me, yeah? I’m going to need you to calm down.”

“I can’t calm down. Why did you mention Harry to her? We don’t talk about him anymore,” he barked. “You know I hate talking about him, Mum.”

He heard Jay take a deep breath. “They found him.”

Louis couldn’t quite describe what he was feeling. He was overwhelmed by the various emotions that he experienced with the news. He didn’t notice one of his students opening the door and stepping outside. “Mr. Tommo? Are you okay? You’re crying.”

His hand flew to his face, feeling the wetness on his cheeks. He wiped them off quickly. “Mum, I gotta go.”

“Louis, don’t you want to hear-”

He shook his head. “I’m at work, I can’t right now. I’ll head home after. Bye.” Turning his phone off, he kept his face blank and brought the kiddo back inside the classroom.

For the rest of the day, Louis tried his hardest to keep his mind off of Harry’s return and his apparent return. It had been twelve long years since he had seen him last, the last memory he had was his terrified scream. He could recall the sprinting he did towards the direction of the screams, only finding the flower crown that laid perfectly on top of Harry’s hair only moments before.

As the last student was picked up by their parent, Louis gathered his things as slowly as possible. He was nervous about what potentially what was going to be told to him. How was Harry found? Was he hurt? Did he suffer? Did he remember his family?

Did he remember Louis?

What was normally just a twenty-minute drive from the school Louis taught at to his mum’s felt like hours. He didn’t have the energy to simply step out of the car towards the front door. He also knew that he couldn’t hide forever, he was eventually going to need to face everything.

He was scared.

He had been his best friend from the moment Harry was born. With both Jay and Anne being friends for years prior to Louis being born, Louis was there the day Harry came into the world. He couldn’t quite remember, with him only being two years old at the time, but his mum often reminded him growing up that the day Harry was born,  everybody told him that they were going to be the best of mates.

His hands clamped up, sweat began to form on his forehead, making the ends of his hair stick to it. Louis stared at the front door, almost dreading having to approach it and go into the house.

He then spotted the curtains opening, revealing Lottie watching Louis not moving from his car. He sighed, removing his keys from the ignition and opening the door to get out. He eventually walked into the house, engulfed in all the smells and sounds of home.

He immediately spotted his twin sisters arguing with each other over what to watch on the telly. Fizzy sat on the nearby couch, probably watching _Lost_ on Netflix, which had become her newest obsession lately. He couldn’t see Lottie which meant she was located in the kitchen along with his mum.

He didn’t make his appearance known to his youngest sisters, going directly to the kitchen, where, sure enough, Lottie and his mum were.

“Hey,” Louis greeted, giving both of them a peck on the cheek.

Jay gave him a worried look. “Want something to eat, Lou?”

“Mum, just get it over with. Tell me what happened. Is he okay?”

She brought some tea over to Louis, fixing it just the way he enjoyed it. He quickly thanked her before she started talking. “He’s fine. He’s at the hospital getting evaluated. Anne called me this morning practically in hysterics. The police were called late last night from a man that owns a cabin by the woods. He said that Harry showed up all torn up and incoherent. He wasn’t speaking to anybody, both the police and his parents tried. He hasn’t uttered a word, Lou.”

**\-----**

“Harry, baby, please say something to me.”

The only response Anne received was a blank expression. That’s all she had been getting since the night before. Throughout the night, multiple doctors, policemen, therapists, and social workers had been attempting to get through to Harry. With no success, it was just the waiting game until Harry felt comfortable enough to at least speak.

He comfortably laid on the hospital bed, eyes open, and staring at nothing in particular. The beeping noises along with the sounds of the doctors and nurses passing by were a blur to Harry, just white noise as his thoughts overtook him.

He had to stay alert because he never knew when _he_  could return to snatch Harry again. He was undoubtedly searching for him. He’d find Harry, take him back to his _dungeon_ where Harry wouldn’t see the light of day for the next twelve or so years. He’d chain Harry onto the mattress that was set on the floor next to his bed, and do everything that will now haunt Harry for the rest of his life.

Harry didn’t want to go back.

He hid his panic as his doctor came back to the room for one more test. Once again he attempted to get Harry to speak, but it wasn’t happening. Soon after, he was allowed to go home, they said.

Harry didn’t know what home was.

As each year away from home went by, Harry would remember less and less about his home and family. The memories that he held so near and dear to his seven year old heart faded away and was replaced with so much terror and pain, more than one person should have to endure in any lifetime. The birthday parties and the family get togethers for numerous holidays were aspects of his life that should had been cherished forever, but sadly these memories had been destroyed and dismantled.

For those reasons, the moment he stepped out of the car and glanced at the home that he grew up in for the first seven years of his life, he felt no attachment. As he stepped into the home, he didn’t feel the love that once radiated from inside. Everything was unfamiliar and foreign, he didn’t know where to look. Harry wasn’t sure how to take everything in, he didn’t know to what to feel.

Granted, as of several years ago, he didn’t know how to feel anything.

With tiny steps, the first thing his eyes glued to was a photo. It was of his family. His mum and dad stood happily behind. Gemma sat in front of Des, and, to his surprise, he was in it, in front of his mum. He didn’t look more than six or seven years old at the time. It led him to assumed this was not too long before he was gone.

He was smiling widely, and his green eyes were so bright, it almost blinded him. He spotted a dimple on the left side of his cheek.

He wasn’t aware he had a dimple.

A smile hadn’t graced his lips in several years, he forgot how to make his mouth do it.

Besides the family photo Harry saw, another picture frame held himself in it next to another little boy. The picture seemed to have been taken at a park. Both boys were standing, displaying their joy simply from their body language, the unknown boy with an arm around Harry’s shoulders. He wasn’t that much taller than little him, Harry noted. He brushed that off when he stared at the boy’s smile. If he thought his own eyes were bright, the boy’s smile blinded him completely and then some.

Anne spoke behind him. “Harry?”

Turning around, he made eye contact with his mother. Before she could even get a syllable out, Harry points to the boy in the picture.

“That’s Louis, love. Remember him? He was your best mate as a kid.”

His eyes go back to focus on _Louis._

Louis’ eyes, his lips, and the spirit that Harry could feel all at once smiled at him from the photograph.

“Louis.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii loves!
> 
> So here's the next chapter, hoped you liked it.
> 
> Comments are much appreciated.
> 
> Follow me on [tumblr](http://louiesunshine.tumblr.com/)


	3. III

Louis’ family expected him to take matters into his own hands and go to the Styles’ home and see Harry. In all honesty, he didn't pass the idea through his mind at all, he was adamant that Harry wouldn't remember a single detail about him. He’s been gone more years than they had been friends, Louis didn’t expect Harry to recall anything about Louis.

Although, Louis would always remember everything. He had plenty of friendships since Harry’s, but none of them have ever been as special. He valued his friendship with his pal, Liam. He had moved to Doncaster a year after the incident, so they had known each other for many years then. He had Zayn until he fucked things up and moved to the States.

It had been hard on Louis when he left, but he wouldn't say out loud that it hit Liam the hardest.

That was another story.

Those friendships didn't come close to making him as happy and free as he felt with Harry. He loved the sense of protection, liberation, and adventure he had with him. Louis had gotten teased in school for befriending a boy younger than him. The number of times the bastards in his year had said that Louis loved babies was endless. Louis never let it affect him. _T_ _hey were just jealous_ , his little mind concluded.

He wished everybody could have a relationship like he and Harry had.

It ultimately came down to the fact that if Louis were to encounter Harry currently, things wouldn't go back to normal. He certainly knew that Harry would not be the same little kid he had once known. He could only imagine how Harry’s mental state would affect his behavior. He didn't want to be hit with the hard reality that even though Harry was back, nothing would be the same.

And to add, he wouldn't be able to look at Harry, see all the damage that he went through and not be overcome by guilt.

After dinner and catching up with the rest of his sisters, with his mind running wild, Louis headed to his childhood bedroom and spent the night. He didn't see the point of actually trying to sleep knowing he wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. How could he possibly rest his mind and body to the point of unconscious when there were so many things to think about?

Every hour, it seemed, Louis would look over to the clock that was placed on his bedside. The hours passed and sleep never overtook him. Memories of his childhood up until the age of nine roamed through his mind. All the games he and Harry would makeup, the movies they would reenact, the mystery foods they would invent in their kitchens. It made Louis happy that these memories were so vivid for him; it was like they were extra powerful because Harry couldn't remember.

He wondered what Harry looked like now, how grown up he seemed. He would be nineteen now, no longer a little boy and well on his way to becoming a man. He anticipated that Harry would still have those beautiful green eyes, the same exact ones he looked at so many times. Was he tall or short? Was his hair the same color?

The desire to find out for himself was extreme, but the fear surpassed that. It was a constant back and forth between if he should show up to Harry’s home the following day. He wasn't sure if it would be appropriate.

Louis was aware of the media that stood outside of the Style’s residence. It had become known to the news outlets about the kidnapped Doncaster boy returning home after being held captive for twelve years. With their knowledge alone, Anne and Des would probably want some privacy, some family time. He expected Gemma would have driven from Manchester to be with the family. They would want to be together without people prying from the outside.

But Louis had felt like he was part of the family as well, so much so that he felt like he deserved to be there as well. It was a time of coping, yet celebration. The last piece of their puzzle had been found. It was a happy time.

The clock read 4:45 a.m. when Louis’ eyes finally gave up and his body allowed slumber to take over him.

**\-----**

Apparently, Harry was kind of famous, he had no knowledge of such a thing whatsoever. There were various groups of people outside of his home, for what reason, he didn't know. Because of that, Anne and Des informed him that he wasn't allowed to go outside the front door. Otherwise, he would be bombarded by their cameras, microphones, and an endless amount of questions.

His parents never said anything about going outside the back door though.

It was the middle of the afternoon, from the window the sunlight gave off light into the house. Harry didn't want to experience the bright and shining light from the inside, however, he wanted to incorporate fresh air along with it.

Seeing if the coast was clear, Harry made his way outside to the backyard as quietly as possible. He couldn't blow his cover and ruin everything and end up back inside.

What greeted him instantly was the sun with a slight breeze. He made a mental note to put on some sunglasses next time so he can have the chance to actually look up at the sun without hurting his eyes.

He took a breath, walking across the grass until he felt it was the perfect spot was to take a seat. Once he sat down, his eyes caught on a small abandoned playground. Did he play on it as a kid? He couldn't remember. It looked like a fun and lovely playground set that had a swing set attached to it.

Harry hit the ground as the sight of the clouds came to view. They were all different shapes and sizes. He decided to play a little game with himself and decide what each cloud looked like.

The sounds of the birds chirping, the wind, and a bell from what Harry thought was a bike surrounded him. His mind was at ease, to say the least; there wasn't anything to worry about. It was just him and nature.

It was evident to Harry that his mum would find out about him going outside in the end. He didn't think it would scare her half to death when she realized it.

“Harry!” Anne shouted in panic. “What are you doing out here? You can't leave and go outside, I told you that.”

Harry shrugged, not uttering a word. Once her initial freak out was done, she demanded that he go back inside.

It was a familiar sensation- the feeling of being trapped, not being allowed to leave the house. What was the point in saying Harry was free? He couldn't understand why his mother would make him feel like he couldn't leave his own home. All Harry had dreamt of while being held captive was running around. There was nothing more satisfying than having the wind hit his face while he ran.

He didn't remember much of his childhood before the kidnapping, but he could never forget about running in an open field or park.

Harry was desperate to feel that freeness once again but wasn't sure how to make it happen without his family freaking out about him not being near.

As his thoughts ran wild, he didn't notice his sister’s entrance into the living room, startling him when she sat down beside him. Gemma kept quiet the past couple days, not knowing what would be the right thing to say to Harry. She had gotten used to being alone in her parents’ home. It felt foreign to have her sibling present again.

“Hey H,” Gemma spoke softly. Harry returned an even softer, almost inaudible, “Hi.”

She chuckled, “You look bored to death.” Harry grinned at his lap, nodding in agreement. “I saw you outside until mum brought you in. Did you want to come back inside?”

He shook his head, he desired nothing more than to go outside with the fresh air.

“How about we get out of here, yeah? I know a place.”

Soon after, the siblings found themselves in at a park. Fortunately for them, Gemma was able to sneak them out the back to avoid their parents and the reporters in their front lawn. It was the middle of the day, yet no children were in sight. Harry couldn't keep his eyes on one thing. His head turned left and right, wanting to take in everything.

“What do you want to do, H?” Gemma questioned. She noticed the expression on Harry’s face. It looked like as if he wanted to do _something_ but didn't know if he was allowed to. “I'm right here. You'll be okay. Do what you want to do.”

He stared at Gemma, wondering if she truly meant that he could do whatever he wanted. She only gestured for him to go on, so he did.

He ran.

**\-----**

Louis felt suffocated in his own home, both sets of twins ran wild around the house, making it difficult for him to even hear his own thoughts. The only solution was to step out for some fresh air with no children and no pestering mum, just him by himself.

Without a peep, Louis stepped out of the front door and went out on his walk. A slight breeze made Louis shiver a bit, but he didn't mind it. The only sounds heard were from nature the leaves on the trees and the birds flying above. The dogs in the neighborhoods barked as he passed by. Louis felt at ease as his mind emptied into mush, allowing him to simply relax _._

Without even knowing it, Louis ended up at a place he vowed to never return to.

He didn't know why he expected it to look any different from twelve years ago. The playground was the same, just beat up a little more. He could picture himself as a child bouncing, running around the jungle gym with Harry in tow. They yelled, screamed and laughed as they had fun with the wind blowing in their faces.

The sun attracted Louis’ gaze as he looked up towards it, having to shut his eyes because of the brightness. As he rubbed his eyes and walked towards the shade, he didn't hear the rapid footsteps coming his way. It wasn’t until another body crashed into his, making him fall, that he finally noticed.

“Ah, shit.” Louis was quite embarrassed that he ended up on the floor, he felt confident that his body was stronger than that. He looked up to see who his attacker was, only to freeze up and nearly pass out.

It wasn't like he looked exactly the same as he did at seven years old, yet at the same time, he was so familiar.

Louis couldn't believe that he was standing in front of Harry right now. His hair, which was once light brown and short, had certainly grown. It was now dark brown with ringlets that met his broad shoulders perfectly. There was just so much of it, it could easily be transformed into a perfect ponytail or bun. Louis remembered that the last time they were together he was significantly taller than Harry, something he was quite proud of. It was undoubtedly not the case anymore, he realized as he stood up. He was still skinny, but growth spurt really hit him.

Louis frequently dreamt about this moment, the moment he'd be reunited with his childhood best friend. The same boy he grew to love with all his heart. This was the same boy he planned a future with and goals for themselves to achieve as they grew up. The moment the police declared Harry’s case closed, those dreams shattered for Louis. He was convinced that those dreams were never going to happen for him.

As much as Louis’ heart swelled at the sight before him, it was bittersweet. Harry could very well not have any idea who he was, Louis could be just a random stranger to him. He wasn't sure if he should go ahead and introduce himself as someone new or attempt to see if Harry remembered anything.

He began with a simple handshake.

“Hello, I'm Louis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you think!


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter, tell me what you think!
> 
> And spread the word of this fic if you guys want, I mean...you don't have to...but like yeah
> 
> That'd be cool.

“Hello, I'm Louis.”

Harry saw the sun.

He didn't need to glance up to the sky in order to see it, it was before him. The person glowed brighter than the actual fireball in the sky. The chestnut color hair fell in different directions due to the fall after the collision. He was shorter than Harry, but not by much. Harry liked having to look down at his face; it made him internally smile. His face was what stood out to Harry.

He didn't know where to even begin to focus his gaze. The small smile that was so familiar and that warmed his heart or the true-blue eyes whose brightness was striking. He couldn't miss the crinkle that appeared briefly in the corners of his stunning eyes, as if a large number of smiles throughout the man’s life left their mark.

Louis’ outstretched his hand, waiting for Harry to reciprocate and shake his hand. Not even a second later Harry lifted his arm to grip the soft hand. He was confused as to why things felt natural and why he wasn’t apprehensive about the man. With the variety of people he’d encountered since his return, he'd been reserved and wouldn't allow many of them to touch him. Harry flinched every time the nurse or doctor’s hands landed on him, one time severely panicking because their touch felt too rough.

Harry didn’t shudder as he shook Louis’ hand. He never had the desire to speak, He felt more comfortable not having to converse with another person. As much as he knew it hurt his family to not speak to them, it became something he physically couldn’t do. But as he shook Louis’ hand, the inclination to say his own name didn’t occur.

“Are you alright, mate?” Louis checked, eyes lingering concerns. Harry instantly decided that this man’s voice was pleasant to hear. He thought about asking him to lay with him on the grass and have him tell all of the stories he could come up with. Harry felt it was too creepy of a request, but he couldn't help his desire.

In response, Harry nodded and held up the 'okay'gesture, reassuring Louis that no damage had been done.

Louis stood there and unapologetically stared at Harry, but Harry looked right back. He couldn't help but wonder why Louis’ eyes suddenly filled with unshed tears.

Harry didn't know how to ask nonverbally, so he pointed to Louis and followed with the 'okay' gesture again.

Louis chuckled, wiping off the escaped tears with the sleeve of his white shirt. “Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just being a knob.”

This would be the part when the two would part ways and Harry wouldn't see him again, but that didn't satisfy him one bit. As he continued to look into the eyes of the man, it clicked for him then.

“Louis!”

The older man’s eyes widened, he beamed. He nodded at Harry’s excitement, biting his lip to prevent himself from grinning even wider. “Yeah, I'm Louis. You know who I am?”

Harry hesitantly nodded, inverting back his demeanor. “You're on the wall.”

Puzzled, Louis scratched the back of his neck, trying to understand what Harry meant. “Who's on the wall?”

“You, you're the boy on my wall.”

Harry grinned softly as a blush rose up his neck and to his cheeks. He couldn't imagine how creepy that sounded to Louis; he was just excited to see a familiar face. Although Harry didn't remember their friendship, there had to have been one since there were pictures of them together at his home.

Louis looked perplexed until Gemma came running towards them, completely out of breath.

“You booger, I didn't know you were going to run off that quickly. I'm surprised you didn't fall. You were always a clumsy one,” Gemma gasped out, bending down with her hands on her knees to catch her breath.

“Gems?”

Her head snapped up. “ _Louis?_ ”

Louis chuckled and threw himself at her, tightly squeezing her as she wrapped her arms around his small frame. Harry watched on as the two embraced, not knowing how to feel. They exchanged some words that Harry couldn't make out. He wondered how it felt to be hugged by this Louis fellow, but at the same time, the thought of another man touching him made him sick. Eventually, his sister and the mysterious Louis detached, Gemma with tears in her eyes.

“How have you been?” Louis asked, putting his hands into his jean pockets.

Gemma threw her arm around Harry’s shoulder, making him flinch. If she felt it, she didn't say anything. “Everything's great. I just finished uni, landed an amazing writing position, single as fuck but you know I like it that way, and I have my little brother back. It's great.”

Suddenly their eyes shifted to the quiet Harry, who listened to their brief exchange. The mood changed then, which was to be expected. Reality set in, _Harry was back._ What linked Gemma and Louis to each other was Harry. Of course, he didn't know that anymore.

Gemma’s eyes softened. “You know Louis?”

“Wall,” Harry simply replied. Gemma smiled widely for the one word that he spoke. She nodded her head, bravely giving him a kiss on his temple.

“Yeah, we have a picture of Louis on the wall at home, huh?”

**\-----**

When Louis’ mum told him that unfortunately, Harry wasn't speaking to anybody, he didn't think Harry’s first words would be to him. He would feel the immediate warmth that filled his body for years. Harry had said his name. Louis tried so hard to hold back his tears.

It had been twelve years since he had heard Harry say his name and it was beautiful.

Louis admitted that he was surprised that the Styles family had photographs that included him in their home. He had lost contact with them many years ago, as it was too difficult to see them and not get emotional about Harry’s absence. Louis always felt guilty and believed they blamed him for Harry’s kidnapping.

He gave his attention to Harry, who had already been looking at him. Harry gave him a small smile, a dimple popping out. Louis recalled the various times he poked the same dimple as a kid. He fought the urge to do so again. He didn’t want to scare the poor kid.

“Do you remember who Louis was?” Gemma pressed, trying to get insight into what Harry recalled.

Louis’ heart broke.

Once Harry confessed that he didn’t recall exactly who Louis was, Gemma still had the audacity to invite him over for dinner. As if Louis wanted to stroll into his childhood second home, walk around the place and remember all the memories created there. As if he wanted to be reminded of all the beautiful and fun memories that took place there knowing Harry didn't remember any of them. As if.

So Louis politely declined and turned to make his way home. To think his initial plan was to leave the house to clear his mind. He was going back even more distressed.

He stopped walking when he heard his name being called out. “ _Louis!_ ”

It was Harry.

Louis turned around to see Harry jogging towards him, and thankfully not repeating the collision incident from moments prior. “What's up, Harry?”

Harry took a second to catch his breath before shyly answering. “Um…”

Louis stepped forward and placed his hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing. He noticed that Harry tensed up a bit. He withdrew his hand immediately after. He gave him a reassuring smile. “You can talk to me.”

Harry nodded, shuffling the dirt on the ground with his feet. “Can we meet here tomorrow? Um...it'd be nice to talk to someone other than my family. Is that okay?”

There was a point in time when Harry considered Louis his family and vice versa. His heart shattered a little bit more as if that were even possible at this point. All the torture and breaking it had gone through and yet, it still was beating. _The poor fella._

Right, so he either had to accept Harry’s invitation or decline it. Louis was a sucker and loved to be tormented, so he left the park with plans for the following day.

With the opportunity to go home shot down by Louis himself, he called up Liam and demanded that he meet him at the local pub. He was in need of alcohol, preferably a strong one that could make him black out the next day or, for that matter, a year.

Once Liam confirmed that he’d meet him at the pub, Louis made the trek to the establishment. He considered driving, but with his plan to get sloppy and drink all his sorrows away, it wouldn't be responsible for him to get behind the wheel.

The sun settled low in the sky as the moon rose up, the light dimmed and faded into a dark sky. The little hairs on Louis’ arms rose when he arrived at the pub. Luckily he wouldn't need to sit at the bar alone since Liam was already there.

He waved Louis over, a shot of what looked like tequila and a tall pint already waiting for him. _Bless Liam._

He jumped onto the stool, taking the shot before he even greeted his mate. The burning sensation welcomed. It'd be the first of many that night.

“Why hello to you too,” Liam greeted, amused with Louis’ tense state.

Louis pointed a finger at him. “No, you do not get to be a little shit with me today. I've had the weirdest day of my entire life. I won't stand for your bullshit.”

“Always with the dramatics, Tommo,” replied Liam, taking a large sip of his own drink.

“I saw Harry.”

What Liam failed to inform Louis was that he was apparently in the splash zone of a water show. The beer in Liam’s mouth was sprayed right at Louis’ face. With his eyes closed, Louis slowly wiped his face down, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. It was a normal reaction, Louis supposed. He caught Liam off guard, that's all. A mixture of beer and Liam’s saliva was on him, no big deal.

“Louis, I'm so, so, so sorry,” Liam quickly threw napkins towards Louis. He sat there still as a statue as Liam hurriedly cleaned Louis off. He hadn't said a word, wanting to torture Liam a little bit more. He found it fascinating how intimidated and flustered he could make people. “You can't just tell a guy something huge like that and not expect a spray to the face.”

“Not the spray to the face I quite like, Payno,” Louis giggled. He pushed Liam off and dried the rest of himself off. “I guess I could forgive you, given the circumstances.”

“About that, start from the beginning.”

For the next several minutes Louis recounted his day from the very start. It seemed like weeks ago that everything began, but it had not even been two full days. It was once he described seeing Harry for the first time since his abduction that Louis fell apart.

“I wasn't ready, Liam. I wanted to go to the park to clear my head of the whole situation and I get bombarded by him _._ Suddenly he's there, the same boy that was my best friend for so long. The same clumsy little shit that I constantly had to protect. He was right there, and so _beautiful_.”

By the time Louis stopped and took the time to catch his breath, he had downed two more shots. He remained at ease while in the presence of Harry and Gemma, so it was time to release all the frustration and enormity of it all.

“But it's a good thing, don't you think, Lou? He's back," Liam tried to reason. “You get a second chance to have the friendship that was taken away from you. You continue to protect him, cope with him and help him as he tries to get back to reality after the kidnapping.”

Louis shook his head, disagreeing with the majority of it. “You don't get it Liam, he _doesn't remember me_. Do you know how hard that is? He doesn't recall any of our friendship, and most importantly he doesn't know that it's all my fault he was taken in the first place.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling tightly. Louis called over the bartender and ordered another round, demanding something more stronger.

“When are you going to get it through your thick skull that it wasn't your fault? A sick weirdo is to blame for this, not you. Even if Harry remembered everything, he still wouldn't think you caused this.”

He’d been told since the kidnapping that it wasn't his fault. His family drilled it into his head more than anybody. Unfortunately, Louis couldn't see it their way. The gut wrenching feeling of guilt wouldn't waver throughout the years.

With that being said, Louis thought that maybe it wasn't a good idea to meet up with Harry tomorrow. He couldn't imagine how it would be to spend time with him and have to keep that from him. Harry deserved to know, but it was too soon to bring the situation up.

Harry went through something so tragic, and the precious boy on the Styles’ wall, could've prevented it from happening but failed.

**\-----**

It's not that Louis wanted to stand Harry up, it was that he couldn't bear facing him again when he still felt responsible for his abduction. He stared at the clock on the wall for an hour. They agreed to meet up at noon, it was getting close to it.

He intended to go, he’d gotten showered and ready to head out. For some reason, he felt it was necessary to be all set to go a whole two hours before leaving. He hadn't told anyone in the family about his plans. He failed to even tell his mother about running into Harry.

He just didn't feel like getting slammed with various questions about everything, so he just kept it to himself for the time being.

Due to being two hours ahead, he chose to help out and clean the entire house. Now Louis never was a cleaner, and he was far from a neat freak. But for some reason, he was motivated to  clean every room in the house neatly. As much as Jay was grateful for the assistance, she couldn't help but be curious about the cause for Louis’ actions. She thought better of it and didn't bother to say anything.

The hands on the clock turned to _12:44 p.m_. and Louis still hadn't left. However, he didn't lose track of time, he just couldn't leave. He wouldn't know what to say, what they could even begin talking about.

Louis couldn't very well talk about the football season or about the newest singing sensation on  _The X Factor,_ all Harry knew was what went on in the place he was held captive in. Though, for whatever reason, Harry wanted to see him. He felt remorse for the boy.

Eventually, Louis’ mind wandered to an alternate universe, in which Harry never had been abducted. They would've stayed mates and conquered primary school, then secondary, ultimately leading to university. Harry would've had hundreds of friends as his charisma and charm would have attracted them in hordes. He’d become a music teacher, like he dreamt of since he was little.

Louis’ thoughts went so on and so forth in such depth that he didn't hear the gentle knock on the door the first time. It wasn't until the second knock that he came back to reality and heard the knock. He stood up from the couch and made his way to the front door. Without checking first, Louis swung the door only for him to _almost_ slam it shut.

“Did you not want to see me?”


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy the chapter! I think this is the longest I've ever written haha  
> let me know what you guys think! i'd love to know.
> 
> :)

“ _Did you not want to see me?_ ”

When Harry first woke up that morning, he laid, stared at the ceiling, and contemplated whether he should go downstairs and talk to his mother for the first time since his return. He felt bad for isolating himself from his family. There was just no way for him to feel completely comfortable being _home_. In a way, it angered him that they eventually stopped looking for him. If he were in their shoes and somebody he loved unconditionally was abducted or in any possible danger, he would go to the ends of the earth to find or help them.

They simply left him under the control of his abductor. That simple fact made it difficult for him to comprehend and accept them giving up and it be alright. His parents and sister looked overjoyed to have him back, but they didn't work hard enough to get him back all those years ago.

It prevented Harry from attempting to rekindle their relationship as a family, which was why he struggled with the idea of spending some time with Louis. On the way back home from the park, Gemma raved about how he and Louis were inseparable as kids. Apparently, there was no Harry without a Louis and vice versa. Harry couldn't recall any of it, so he guessed he had to take Gemma’s word for it.

Harry wondered if Louis was saddened by his disappearance. Did he quickly move on to another best friend once Harry was gone? Did he not care that he returned? His thoughts ran wild with all of the possibilities.

He supposed those questions could be answered when he met up with Louis midday. He was oddly excited about meeting up with him. Gemma had already confirmed that she’d cover for him if his mum suspected anything.

He went on with his day, grabbing a bowl to pour some cereal with milk into and took a quick shower after he finished eating. He didn't think twice about his outfit choice, Harry felt like it didn't matter, it was just Louis. Then again, Louis would look good in anything and that could be intimidating in comparison, so maybe Harry should consider wisely how to present himself. He didn’t want to ultimately look like a mess.

The curtains were opened wide to let the sunlight radiate into the bedroom. When Harry walked passed Gemma’s bedroom, he noticed the darkness and how the curtains were drawn closed. He didn't understand why she would deprive the room of sunlight. After spending the majority of his life in darkness, he never wanted to be denied of the brightness of sunlight again.

He made the bed and cleaned up anything out of place. Harry mentally made a note to write down new stuff he desired to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't digging the childlike character of the room; it was far from who he is now. He'd circle the room and feel out of place, the room belonged to the little boy he once was that overflowed with life.

Eventually, Harry felt ready, telling Gemma he was on his way out. His parents left for work for the first time since his return, so he was fortunate enough to not have his mum tracking his every move. He gathered a couple sandwiches, fruits and water bottles in a lunch pack and walked out the door.

Once he cautiously crossed the street, a park bench came into view. Harry decided to wait for Louis there. He wasn't aware that Gemma looked on from home, making sure he was safe. She would refrain some stalking once Louis arrived. Little did she know that she wouldn't be backing away for another hour, as Louis failed to show up.

It broke her heart to see her brother sat on the bench, waiting and waiting. Her anger grew as more time passed. She couldn't believe Louis would do that to Harry, it wasn't like him. She supposed that Louis had changed throughout the years.

Finally having enough, Gemma angrily put on the purple bunny slippers that her dear gran gifted her and stomped towards Harry.

“Harry!” She yelled out to grab his attention, crossing the street and almost getting hit by a car. She flipped the driver off, ignoring the honking from the  _careless_ driver.

Poor Harry nearly had a heart attack witnessing Gemma potentially killing herself. “Be careful.”

“I would have just sued him if he hit me, don't worry,” she shrugged. She plopped down beside her brother, taking in the view before them. Occasionally she'd sneak a glance at him, wanting to know what he was thinking. “Are you okay?”

“He didn't show up. Did I freak him out yesterday?” Harry questioned. He bit his lip, lost in thought. He replayed their exchange and tried to figure out when he crossed the line and overwhelmed Louis.

“You have to understand, Harry… Louis, he was crushed when it happened. Mum and Dad took it hard and so did I, of course. But he was on a whole other level. I don't even know how to convey to you how upset he was. He used to be at our house every single day. You saw him every day, even when one of you were sick.” Gemma took a deep breath and continued on, “We didn't see him after that day. Yesterday was the first time in twelve years that I had seen him. He talked to the police, detectives, and everything, but not with us. We didn't just lose you that day, Harry, we lost him too.”

“So yesterday must've been a surprise then.”

“I'm pretty sure he knew you were back because both Mum and his mum still talk.”

Harry took a moment to digest the information Gemma gave him. He didn't know how to interpret it nor respond. He placed himself in Louis’s shoes, and he couldn’t imagine how he must’ve felt.  

Harry wanted to go back to his bedroom.

“I want to go to sleep.”

He stood up, only for Gemma to pull him back down using his sleeve. “Listen, I know things are chaotic right now. I'm surprised the news reporters aren't here. But go to Louis, he doesn't live far. You're not _Harry_ without _Louis._ ”

Without hesitation, he replied, “Who's Harry?”

Harry eventually found himself on the front steps of Louis’ childhood home. His fingers trembled as he knocked on the door. He had no idea what he was doing. He pulled the gray beanie further down, wishing he could cover his whole head.

He second-guessed himself and decided last minute to retreat and head back to Gemma. There was a café a block away, so she told Harry she'd wait for him there in case he needed her. Before he had the chance to step back, the door swung open to reveal a disheveled looking Louis.

After Harry asked Louis the question that had continued to bother him about whether or not he wanted to see him, they ended up in silence on the sofa. Neither one spoke as they both tried to come up with words to exchange with each other.

Harry clenched his fist tightly and stared at the ground. The silence made him nervous, it reminded him of all those days spent underground. The silent moment led him to have his mind run wild and think of all the bad things that had been done to him.

“I'm sorry.” It was Louis who apologized, tangling his fingers through his hair. Harry didn't bother looking at him, staring at the rug on the ground.

“Seeing you yesterday was a lot.”

“Seeing you yesterday, not recognizing you, and then being told you were a huge part of my life was a lot too,” Harry retreated back, surprising himself with how much he had spoken. It was odd to him that it was natural to speak with Louis, but not his family.

Louis stood up and left the room without a word. Harry felt like he did something wrong to upset him. Louis couldn't be upset with him. Harry didn't want punishment.

The beating of Harry’s heart quickened, his breathing shortened. Tears welled up in his eyes as he brought his hands to the sides of his head. He slipped off the sofa and onto the ground, bringing his knees up to his chest. He expected Louis to return with his weapon of choice; whip, knife, chair, anything really. He rocked back and forth, sobbing to himself until Louis came back to the room jogging.

“Harry, Haz, what's wrong?”

**\-----**

“ _Harry, Haz, what's wrong?”_

Louis had stepped out of the living room, leaving Harry alone with the intentions of making some tea for the both of them. He wasn’t prepared to hear his childhood best friend sobbing.

He instantly dropped the mug. It smashed into several pieces on the floor. Next thing Harry knew, Louis kneeled on the ground beside the hysterical Harry. “You need to breathe, Harry. You can do that for me. In and out, love.”

He went to comfort him by rubbing his back to calm Harry down, but the second Louis’ hand touched his body, Harry tensed up and flinched away. He noticed the boy mumbling words to himself, so he leaned in closer to hear what he was saying.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” Louis dared to comfort Harry once again, only for the boy to scoot away with a loud, “ _No!_ ”

Louis was stunned at the sight before him. Harry laid in the fetal position, shaking, crying and mumbling 'sorry' repeatedly. He didn't know what to do, he so desperately wanted to help Harry calm down and feel better. It was out of his control, and Louis hated that.

“Hey Haz, I'm not going to hurt you. I just need you to breathe with me, yeah? You're safe with me. You're okay with me.”

The two locked eyes. Louis wanted Harry to see that he was genuine and wasn’t going to harm him. Louis stayed calm as he walked Harry through, such as lifting his arms up and of course, breathing. He thanked his lucky stars that Harry’s breathing ultimately regulated and the crying stopped.

“There you go, you're good,” Louis smiled, pushing the fallen pieces of hair off of Harry’s forehead. Thinking quickly, he used the sleeve of his sweater to wipe the sweat off his pale face. “Want some tea? I was making some before you started to panic about something.”

“You're not mad at me?” Harry wondered, licking his dry lips.

Louis shook his head in confusion. “Why would I be upset with you? You didn't do anything wrong.”

“You didn't come see me. And I don't remember you.”

“That's something you can't control, Harry. I can't be upset that you don't remember me. It hurts yeah, but it is what it is,” Louis reasoned. He wanted to blame Harry so badly, but it would be so _wrong_ . Something traumatic led to the disappearance of his memories, and once again Louis was to blame. _If Harry was aware that it was Louis’ fault, would he leave? Would he not want to speak with him anymore? Did Louis want to risk it and tell him?_

“I'd like some tea,” Harry whispered.

“Of course.”

**\-----**

The silence continued, but unlike the first time where the pair didn't speak, it wasn't uncomfortable. Louis decided to turn the television on for some background noise as they sat on the sofa, twiddling their thumbs.

“They want me to talk to a therapist,” Harry stated suddenly.

It caught Louis off guard since it had been a while since either of them had spoken. “Do you want to talk to a therapist?”

He shrugged. “They're just going to want me to speak about what happened.”

“Are you ready for that?”

Harry turned his body sideways to face Louis. “Do you always reply with questions?”

Louis chuckled, a blush creeping up his necks and onto his cheeks. “Not always. So don't get used to it.”

“I won't.”

“Look, Harry, you don't have to talk to anybody if you don't want to. Just do what you're comfortable with,” Louis explained, setting the mug down on the coffee table in front of them.

“I just don't want to talk to a stranger about what I had to go through. I don't want to live through it again; I already did that once.” Louis noticed that Harry’s posture stiffened. Louis only saw his body move with the expansion of his upper chest as he breathed. He could see where Harry was coming from, but at the same time, he also understood that talking about it could help him tremendously. Of course, he didn't want to make Harry upset as he gave his honest opinion, so Louis continued to listen to what Harry felt. “It wasn't fun, Louis. Down there, it was...the worst thing someone would go through and I just can't live through that again.”

Harry shouldn’t need to. “And you shouldn't have to. You talk when you feel like you're ready. Your family will support your decision.”

“You understand….” Harry was in awe. For the past few days, his parents and occasionally Gemma tried to convince him to do what they wanted. They wanted him to speak to the detectives and a therapist. They attempted to convince him to get involved in finding his kidnapper while talking about his experiences simultaneously. That was just pleading for a massive panic attack to occur. He didn't want to do either.

“You kind of need this time to just get back to your life at home and how to live it.”

Harry nodded vigorously, “Exactly! I don’t know how it feels to live. I just want that so badly.”

Suddenly, Louis came up with an idea. “Then let's have Harry Styles live, shall we?”

**\-----**

For the next few hours, Harry laid on the sofa while Louis sat on the floor with his back against it. With a notebook in hand, Louis had Harry tell him different activities that he wished to do. Louis was going to try his hardest to make his desires become a reality for his best friend. Harry missed out on his childhood, so if Louis had the opportunity to give it to him,  he wouldn't hesitate, so he could experience it although it'd be delayed.

Louis came to the realization that Harry was quite smart and had great knowledge. When asked, Harry informed him that _he_ had given him plenty of books to read throughout the years. Louis would have thought it was considerate of the man, but considering everything else he apparently did, he took back that statement.

The list became lengthy much to Louis and Harry’s enjoyment. The more that was added, the more excited they became, because Louis promised it would happen. Even though Harry didn't recall simple things he had done in the past, Louis did and Harry knew he couldn't break a promise.

Once Harry stopped naming things to be added on the list, Louis had brought up early dinner to which Harry’s stomach decides to make an appearance and rumble. Louis’ mum and sisters weren't due until late that night, spending their day with Jay’s family, so it was just them for dinner.

“What do you feel like having, Harry?”

The boys entered the kitchen where Louis opened the refrigerator to see what they had available while Harry sat on the stool and watched.

“Grilled cheese, alright with you? We have some crisps for you to munch on while we make it.”

Harry stayed quiet and watched Louis do his thing at the stove. He placed four pieces of bread on the pan, making sure the fire was low so that it wouldn't burn quickly. Louis grabbed some different cheeses his mum had and placed them on the bread. Eventually, he combined two slices of bread together and pressed down to melt the cheese. He hummed a random tune and danced as he moved around the kitchen, making Harry smile softly.

“Have you taken dance classes?” Harry wondered out loud.

Louis shook his head no. “No, sir.”

“Looks like you haven't.”

Louis barked out a laugh. “Well, well, well, we have ourselves a little jokester, don't we?”

Harry’s giggle was music to Louis’ ears. It was soft, practically inaudible, but it was unmistakeable to Louis. He quickly turned his back to the boy and smiled so widely that he was surprised his face didn’t split in two. He couldn't help but think that Harry deserved to smile and laugh. Both his smile and laugh were so beautiful; they should be shown to everybody.

“Well Harold, I'll have you know that we used to have great dance parties during our sleepovers and you _loved_ my moves.”

Harry threw a crisp at Louis and giggled again. “I must've had bad taste as a kid.”

“No, you had great taste,” Louis whispered, flipping the grilled cheese sandwiches one more time before taking them off the pan. He took out two plates, carefully placing one sandwich on each. He turned around and slid one plate to Harry. “Here you go.”

They ate in silence for a bit before Harry eventually spoke up. “How old were we when we first met?”

“Believe it or not, my two-year-old self was talking to you when you were still in your mum’s tummy,” Louis admitted. “We had a bunch of conversations. Of course, you would be kicking instead of talking back, but I knew what you were saying.”

“So before I was even born,” Harry stated. He looked deep in thought, Louis was dying to know what went through his mind. “I'm sorry that I can't remember; I really want to.”

“Stop apologizing. You are _not_ to blame for this. Okay? You're innocent. We all know who's responsible for this.”

“ _He ruined everything._ ”

**\-----**

Soon after they finished their food, the doorbell rang to inform them that someone was at the front door. Louis momentarily left Harry in the kitchen while he answered the door. Gemma greeted Louis enthusiastically when he swung the door open. “Hiya. I just wanted to make sure Harry was alright.”

“Come on in. He's alright. Where were you?”

As the Tomlinson house was Harry’s second home as a child, it was also Gemma’s and the rest of the Styles family. Thus it wasn’t unexpected when she made her way through the home as if she lived there. Old habits die hard. “At the café. I didn't want to stray too far from him.”

“I'm here though,” Louis pointed out, his voice low.

“I know, but you can never be too sure,” Gemma replied, looking uncertain.

“So you don't think Harry’s safe with me? Is that it?” Louis fired back, clearly getting defensive. “You know I'll make sure he's safest with me, Gemma.”

Louis had a temper, anybody and everybody that knew him was aware of it. Most people never dared to retort, because it wasn't pretty to be on the receiving end of his firing. But there was one person, besides his mum, that never feared to give it right back, and that was Gemma.

“So tell me, under whose care did Harry get kidnapped?”

It was a low blow, and it made Louis feel like he was stabbed, shot, and punched in the face all at the same time. But Gemma wasn't wrong. Harry was under Louis’ care.

“Stop,” a timid voice blurted out from the other side of the room. Both Gemma and Louis turned to see Harry hovering from the doorway between the living room and the kitchen. “I don't like all the loud noises and fighting, please.”

“Harry, let's go home,” Gemma insisted, reaching her arm out to gesture for him to come over to her.

Louis didn't want Harry to leave just yet. They were having a good time until Gemma interrupted. He didn't want it to end. He guessed Harry felt the same way since he shook his head. “I don't want to go yet; I like being with Louis.”

Louis’ heart skipped a beat.

“Mum and dad are going to come home and freak out when you're not there,” she argued.

Louis stepped in. “I'll take him home in a bit, I don't think Anne will mind if he's with me.” Unlike Gemma, Anne had made a point to communicate to Louis all those years ago that her and Des did not blame Louis for what happened to Harry. They repeatedly stated to Jay that it would be wrong of them to put the blame on a ten year old when an adult should have been with them at the park as it was nearing dark.

“I want to stay, Gemma,” Harry declared, pulling his beanie down.

With a glare  in Louis’ direction, Gemma reluctantly left the house without her younger brother. Louis let out a sigh of relief, spinning around to look at Harry. “You okay?”

“I was with you when I was taken?”

**\-----**

One thing that bothered Harry for _years_ was that he couldn't recall how his own personal Satan managed to kidnap him. He didn't know if he was at home, a restaurant, the mall, or school. He dug so deep into his mind, but couldn't come up with anything about that moment. He wasn't certain if it was a good thing or a bad thing, that he couldn't remember that traumatic moment.

“Harry, if you want to know, then you should sit down, so I can explain.” Louis voiced, sitting down on the sofa. Harry quickly joined him and gave his attention to the younger boy.

His mind ran wild as Louis described that night at the park with some detail. It was the same park that they met each other earlier in the day. What a coincidence that he and Louis reunited at the same place that they were separated.

Louis explained that Harry insisted on playing a game of hide and seek in the dark, thinking it'd be more fun. Harry went to hide and Louis never had the chance to seek him out as he heard his piercing screams. Harry listened intently to Louis’ words, and his good mood diminished to nothing but sadness. His heart went out to Louis. It was clear to Harry that it was difficult for him to retell the story.  

“I ran to your house and I just remember crying and crying to your parents until they called the police,” Louis breathed out. “You said you're sorry for not remembering me, but I'm so so sorry for letting that happen.”

Harry once read in one of the various books he owned while being underground that it was natural for a person to console and comfort other people by getting close and embracing them. He contemplated it, Louis was practically in tears and needed comfort. Harry struggled to get near though, his body wouldn't allow him to do so. Maybe one day, he'd get the courage to give Louis a hug without fearing that he'd hurt him, just not today.

“I'll spend the next million years making it up to you. It's haunted me for the past twelve years that you were missing because of me,” Louis continued. From the moment Harry took a glimpse at the picture of his younger self with a younger Louis at his house, he felt drawn to the man. That attraction was only amplified when Harry ran into him at the park, shining brighter than the sun. The fact that Louis was so set on him being the cause for everything that happened to Harry. _Does he blame Louis?_

It was a compelling question, so he decided to announce he wanted to head home for the day. His expression dropped as Louis began picking up the empty mugs and agreed. Harry waited until Louis was ready before they headed out of the house and made their way back to the Styles’ home.

It was an unspoken agreement for Harry to have somebody close to him to make sure he returned home safely. No one was willing to risk having him head home alone, there was no telling what could happen to him. Louis needed the reassurance that Harry was at home, safe and out of harm’s way.  

**\-----**

Anne and Des made it a point to once again get Harry to talk to a therapist. It started the morning after his visit with Louis and went on for the rest of the week. Every time the topic was brought up, Harry shot it down and slinked back into his bedroom.

He refrained from seeing Louis throughout the week. He still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around the truth about the night of his kidnapping. Also, Harry’s nightmares kept him awake during the nights. They consisted of memories of the tortuous events of the past twelve years, forcing him to relive the years of torture. The only difference between the memories and the dreams were that in those nightmares, they ended with him not being able to breath. One way or another, _he_ would suffocate Harry. It was a daily occurrence recently, Harry waking up, gasping for air with tears running down his face. He kept quiet though, so as to not disturb his family’s slumber.

He came to the conclusion that everything in life after being held captive is one huge process. The process was going to suck, and he was going to struggle the majority of the time, but he does want to overcome it. He just didn't have enough belief in himself to actually do it. Too much damage had been done, it couldn't be fixed.

Another thought came to mind _, how was Harry expected to live life_ _normally_ _once again if_ **_he_ ** _hadn't been caught yet?_ He was reminded of it everyday when he looked outside the house to be greeted by various news reporters that wanted to get his thoughts on that. The man was running freely without being punished for the crime he committed.

Harry was left to ponder the “what ifs” on his own, when he really wanted a certain light brown haired, blue eyed man with him. He didn't feel the need to communicate and socialize with anyone other than Louis, it seemed. Extended members of both his father’s and mother’s families visited in hopes of warmly welcoming him home. After the first couple days, it became too much for him, so he politely asked for it to stop for the time being. He wasn't ready for even more people that he doesn’t remember to walk into his life.

Breakfasts, lunches, and dinners were filled with awkward moments as no one knew what to say to each other. Anne and Des expected things to continue  normally with Harry’s return, but that couldn't be farther from reality.

Days turned into weeks without Harry reaching out to nor hearing from Louis, and quite frankly, he was becoming recklessly impatient. Thinking of Louis had kept his mind off of _him,_ since all of his thoughts led to _him_ lately. Harry wondered what he was doing, where he was, and how he was doing without him. It wouldn't surprise him if _he_ had already gotten  himself a replacement. Harry feared that that was the case.  

The man continuously claimed that Harry was special to him. He had every chance to bring another boy to accompany Harry underground. He had the ability to do that because he was that malicious and mentally corrupted. Harry always sat alone and had the man’s undivided attention, so it would be weird if he projected that onto another person. It wasn't that Harry would’ve been _jealous,_ he was just put off by it.

It was astonishing to him that he had spent more years with that man than his own family, it was so wrong. He felt almost uncomfortable to be in his own bedroom, with being so used to being laid on a mattress atop dirt. He was apprehensive of this next chapter of his chaotic life.

Staring at the four dark navy walls of his bedroom became a daily activity for Harry. Anne was still concerned about  letting him go outside, but it didn't matter because he didn't feel like leaving his room anyway. It wasn’t until his sister had had enough of him isolating himself that Harry did something different with his day.

“Alright, I think we've both had enough,” Gemma claimed, barging into the room. Harry, who was reading a random book, jerked back with surprise from her sudden entrance.

Folding the page to save his place, Harry closed the book and rested his hands on his lap. “What do you mean?”

“You've been cooped up in this room. If you want to have a normal life again, you have to get out and live it.”

Gemma was different than their parents, she liked to push people to see her way. She did it with only the best of intentions, but it wasn't a quality that Harry liked. He realized quickly after his return that he wished that she would stop.

“I like it in here. I'm going to keep staying in here, okay?”

“I just don't understand why you don't want to start _living,_ Harry. You're free now,” she fought back, her frustration increasing.

“It's not that simple. I just want to be alone.”

“Maybe mum and dad are right, maybe you should talk to a professional.”

**\-----**

It worried Louis that he hadn't received a call from Harry following their little get together. He didn't feel like intruding in case Harry wanted to some alone time. He took that time to research kidnap survivors and how they live a life of freedom after their abduction.

Louis spent many sleepless nights reading different stories of people that endured the greatest of obstacles after their traumatic experiences. He was fascinated by these incredible people. He just started to socialize with people and Louis was already proud of his accomplishments so far. It only made Louis want to help Harry in his journey in any way he could.

As much as he desired to stay at his mum’s house, where Harry was near, Louis was obligated to return  to his job. It was odd to get back into his routine of planning lessons and grading tests when his life had been turned upside down. His kids were a priority though, so eventually, Louis pushed all thoughts regarding Harry aside and did what he loved, teach.

Louis found himself a few weeks later in the home of one Liam Payne, pissed drunk and moaning about not seeing Harry.

“Leeeeeeeeeeyum, does Harryyyy hate me?” Louis whined, face down on the carpeted floor. Liam had been wise enough to decide to stay sober for the evening, allowing Louis to let loose and have someone to take care of him while he did so. Louis complained everyday about his concerns for the boy, so when Liam finally had enough, he invited the worry wart to his place to wind down. Louis had the tendency to fix himself up after having a good drunk fest.

Liam wasn't aware of what he had gotten himself into this time around though.

“You should see him Li, even with a sad expression he's still the prettiest person I've ever seen,” Louis sighed, staring at the gray carpet. “But it pains me that he's been through so much shit. He was only seven... _seven_.”

“You should talk to him, then.”

“I don't want to intrude, you know? He's trying to cope and get back into the swing of things. He's essentially learning how to live again.”

Liam murmured in agreement, popping a crisp into his mouth. Neither of them were paying attention to the football match that was playing in the background. Liam listened while Louis moaned and groaned in light agony, an usual sequence of events.

“What if he needs you?” Liam pointed out, raising a brow as if to challenge Louis.

Louis did what came close to a shrug while lying down, “I like to think he’ll figure out how to reach me if I'm needed. Beer me.” With a sigh, Liam handed him a beer. He knew better than to disobey a miserable Louis; he learned his lesson from last time.

He got a shoe thrown at his head. Surprisingly, Louis had a very good aim.

They changed topics, but Liam knew that it wasn't over until Louis fell asleep. So for the next few hours, stories of Louis and Harry’s childhood were told nostalgically.

“I taught him how to swim. He refused to take classes because he didn't trust the instructors. So his mum asked me if I’d teach him,” Louis slurred. He maneuvered his way to the dining room table, bringing a pillow from the sofa so he could lay his head on something comfortable. “He had Toy Story floaties, a big Woody fan he was. The cutest little shit.”

“Toy Story is the shit,” Liam chimed in, raising his fist to the air. He eventually decided to accompany Louis with the drinking after all.

“I was more of a Lion King fan myself. Harry reminded me of Simba.”

“How so?”

Louis grinned, thinking back. “He was so rowdy and rambunctious, loved to just explore and play. He always had a smile on his face, and he was always laughing.” He felt himself becoming emotional, and he found it hard to breathe a bit as he continued. “He would say hi to people left and right with no shyness. He befriended the most random people at school.”

Liam smiled at the fond look in Louis’ eyes, he’d heard about Harry before, but there was never any details of him. It was nice to have an insight on their history, it clearly made Louis happy. “Did you ever get jealous?”

Louis scoffed at the question. “Please, there was never any reason for me to be envious of random kids. At the end of the day, it was always Hazzy and Lou Lou.”

“Lou Lou?” Liam smirked.

Louis only grinned, not ashamed or embarrassed at all. “I was Lou Lou to him.”

The ringing of a cell phone interrupted their trip down memory lane. Louis didn't bother to move from his position on top of the dining room table, so Liam went ahead and grabbed the phone that blared _Mr. Brightside._

“Hiiiiiii, Louis ‘the Tommo’ Tomlinson’s phone. Liam Payne speaking.” Louis giggled, eyes crinkling . Liam was so silly when intoxicated, he loved it.

The mood shifted instantly when Liam’s face fell. Louis sat up, waiting to hear what was going on. He gestured for Liam to hand him the phone, which he eventually did.

“What's going on?” He demanded, sobering up. He left Liam in the noisy dining room and headed to a quiet bedroom. He pulled the phone away from his face to find that it was an unknown number calling him. “Who's this?”

“Louis?”

“Anne? Or Gemma? I can't really tell to be honest.” His worry heightened, knowing that whatever was going on, it had to do with Harry. Anne or Gemma wouldn't contact him otherwise. They hadn't really talked since Harry disappeared.

“It's Anne. I know it's been a very long time Lou, and I'm partially to blame for that-”

“It's not all your fault, it's mostly mine,” Louis cut in.

Anne sighed, “We’ll agree to disagree on that one. But let's talk about that later. I just didn't know who else to call.”

“What's wrong?” A scream was heard on the other line, alarming Louis because it sounded awfully like Harry. “Anne?!”

“Harry is having a panic attack, Gemma said to call you.” He felt bad for Anne. First she had to live so many years without her only son, and now she had to see him go through the repercussions of being abused during his time away.

Immediately, it was as if Louis didn't drink an ounce of alcohol; his  hazy state vanished. “Go to him and put the phone on speaker.”

Quick as lightning, he heard the sound of shuffling and gasping. Anne softly talked to Harry and notified him that Louis was on the other end. Finally, she informed Louis that the phone was on speaker.

“Haz? Hey, love, it's Louis,” he started. He didn’t know when Liam entered the room, but it made him relax a little when he embraced him. He didn't receive any response from the other line, so Louis kept going. “Breathe for me, Hazzy. Remember? Just like the other day. In and out, just steady breaths. Lift your arms if you need to. You're okay.”

“Okay, baby, listen to Louis.” It made Louis smile to hear Anne use the same tone of voice that she used to speak to Harry in all those years ago when things were blissful.

Thankfully the loud of gasps of air slowly stopped to Louis’ relief. It took a few moments  for Harry’s small and faint-hearted voice to ask. “Louis?”

“Yeah, Haz, I'm here,” Louis assured him.

“Can you come over?”

He didn't hesitate to answer, “I'm on my way.”


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying the fic so far :)  
> Thank you guys and please don't forget to tell me what you think!

It was called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, they told Harry. It would assure that he would get the necessary help with the abuse that was inflicted on him and the aftermath. It took lots of convincing. After Anne pleaded Louis to talk to her son about trying it, Harry agreed to attend one session to see if it was for him and if he felt comfortable with it. He was just glad that no one was bugging him about it anymore. Essentially the first session was just an introduction to the therapist, to give an idea of where Harry’s mindset was and how they could move forward from there.

The day of his first session with Dr. Nolan created a lot of anxiety for Harry. As he waited to be called, he squeezed his hands into a tight fist. Luckily, Anne and Des weren't the only ones present in the waiting room along with him. Right there beside him, just as promised, was Louis, who was equally as apprehensive. Harry didn't notice that however, with him focusing on the flutter of nerves in his stomach as he tried his hardest to not just stand up and walk out of the building.

It wasn't until his name was called that his urge to leave skyrocketed, but Louis gave him a strong and encouraging smile. “I'll be right here when you're done.”

“Promise?”

“With all my heart.” Harry was satisfied with that.

**\-----**

The walls felt like they were caving in on Harry as soon as he walked into the room. The setting was decorated plainly, with a warm and homey feel to it. As much as the comfortable vibe was supposed to help the clients, it wasn't quite working with Harry. It was small and compact; if he were to stretch out, he'd touch all four walls. He might have exaggerated a bit, but space made him claustrophobic.

Dr. Nolan greeted him from her chair, standing to give him a gentle handshake. The two sat down, the therapist starting the timer that would notify them when his session was over.

“Alright Harry, let's get started, shall we?” Dr. Nolan began with a smile. “Let's just begin today with introductions. Tell me about yourself.”

The thing was, Harry failed to know who he was. Being secluded from civilization prevented him from developing a personality. He was just this nineteen-year-old boy that sat in his bedroom to avoid everybody. So coming up with adjectives to describe himself was a no go, and he just felt like that was pathetic.

He didn't dare to look at the therapist, he felt quite embarrassed that he couldn't answer a simple question about himself.

“Harry?” He simply nodded his head as an acknowledgment. Instead of responding to the question, Harry asked for a cup of water which Dr. Nolan gladly gave him. She sat back down in her seat and waited for him. “How about you tell me one thing that you like?”

The one thing he liked was the thing he failed to have for the majority of his life. “Sunlight.”

“Let's talk about sunlight then, yeah?”

Harry was alright with that.

Dr. Nolan proudly hung up pictures of her family and friends on the wall behind her chair. There were several of them ranging from moments as a child to present time. She had several of them that had been taken at the beach. One, in particular, made Harry smile. It was her by the shore, a baby girl on her hip, and on her other side, she held a little boy’s hand as he looked at the water.

He remembered telling Louis that he wanted to go to the beach, so it was added onto the _Harry’s Must_ list. He couldn't wait to go soon with Louis.

As expected, the therapist wasn't able to get anything else out of Harry, other than talking about sunlight. He refused to talk about anything else. In all honesty, he was too distracted by the pictures to do so. The hour passed by quickly, and the next thing Harry knew, he was out the door to meet up with his mum and Louis.

The older man looked up when he heard footsteps. He didn't notice any tears or anything unusual, so he assumed the session wasn't too bad. Anne popped up from her chair, making her way to her son to ask various questions. Louis watched the two when suddenly his and Harry’s eyes locked. Anne’s back faced Louis’, so he discreetly held up the “okay” sign with his fingers. Ever so slightly, Harry shook his head, giving him his answer. Harry didn't like it.

“Let's go home now, alright baby?” Anne spoke up, gently placing her hand on his arm, to which he jerked back instantly, losing her touch. Louis viewed the small scene with a heavy heart, it pained him to see Harry not allowing even his mother to touch him.

Harry noticed Louis’ sad eyes when he pushed his mum away, his eyes full of sorrow. He didn't like that look on him; Louis wasn't meant to be sad. Without his mum seeing, Harry gave the other a reassuring smile.

The sadness in his eyes was then gone.

Walking out of the building, the sun beamed proudly from its position in the sky. Harry took a tiny moment to just embrace the sunlight directed at him, not minding the slight burning on his skin. The sun was a bit stronger than most days. While most people complain, Harry just craved more of it. It was such a beautiful day, he knew he wasn't going to able to enjoy it if he was kept indoors. For that reason, he asked Louis if they could spend some time together just being outside. While Louis was all for it, Anne was a bit hesitant to allow it.

“I don't know, Harry. Wouldn't you just want to go home?” She suggested, eyes going to her son then to Louis.

Louis decided to step in. “Anne, he just wants some fresh air. It's not a problem, it won't be too long.”

With a wary look, she stepped back and bid her goodbyes. She reminded Harry not to be home too late, adamant that each night the family gather together for dinner. Once again Louis gave her his word and then the two were off to the car. Without a destination in mind, Louis turned the vehicle on and backed out of the parking lot.

The sound of the motor running filled the small space surrounding Harry and Louis. They drove by many tall green trees, beautiful houses, schools with playgrounds, and big fields. They passed by multiple stores that sold everything: food, clothes, appliances, and anything else a person could need. People walked along the streets, greeting each other as if they had been friends for many years.

“Does everybody know each other here?”

Louis giggled, nodding his head. “It can be annoying at times, but yes.” He turned left and drove down a long and empty road. “Everyone is gossipy as well, can't get away with anything without everyone finding out.”

Harry sat silent for a few moments, digesting the information. “So they know me?”

“I'm afraid the whole country knows who you are, love.” _Love._ “You've been on the telly since you disappeared. Of course, it's more often now that you've come back.”

He thought that may have been the case because of the constant camera crew and reporters outside his house. They hadn't decreased significantly yet; they wouldn't give up even though they hadn't gotten a story yet. “I just don't understand why people care. I'm nobody special.”

The pregnant pause made Harry nervous, feeling like he had said something wrong. He looked over at Louis but was confused when his face didn't show any signs of anger. He was calm, but he wasn't smiling either. He took a moment to study the older man’s features. His light brown hair feathered in multiple directions, a style that Harry was convinced Louis favored. His prominent cheekbones were high on his face, with light brown with a hint of ginger stubble underneath his jawline.

It appeared that Louis noticed him checking him out as he smiled smugly, accelerating. “You're quite special to me, Haz.”

Harry ignored his statement and stared at the road before him. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

During the car ride, Harry had fallen asleep only to be woken up a few hours later. The sun still shined brightly, but a few fluffy white clouds joined them. The windows were rolled down all the way, inviting a crisp smell to enter their noses. He opened his eyes, about to ask Louis a question about their location when suddenly his jaw dropped.

Looking around him, Harry saw the sea blue water crashing its waves against the shore. He grinned widely for the first time in what seemed like his whole life. He jumped in his seat with anticipation, making Louis laugh as he found parking.

“This was a pretty spontaneous trip and your mum might kill me, so I don't know if you want to actually get in the water,” Louis announced, taking off his seatbelt. Harry took that as a sign to jump out of his seat and the car. He slammed the door shut and left Louis behind as he stepped onto the grainy sand.

The sound of children playing filled his ears, their small feet splashing in the water. They laughed and screamed with glee. Beach balls flew in the air. Crooked sand castles were displayed in different areas. Some of the adults laid out on their chairs and towels, while others joined the children in playing with them.

There was such a calming feeling about the scenery, it allowed him to open up his mind just think. The place was secluded enough for no outsiders to barge in and force him to talk or do things. The water looked inviting, Harry wanted to feel it for a bit.

With that he sat himself on the sand and began to take off his shoes. Off went the socks as well, as Harry rolled up the bottom of his jeans. Eventually, Louis reached him with a blanket in hand,  and he sat along side Harry and copied his actions. Both of their shoes and socks were off, pants were rolled up and the blanket was laid out and forgotten about for the time being.

The two proceeded to march towards the water, smiles all around. To some, the beach and, specifically, the saltwater weren't a big deal. To Harry, it was a monumental moment for him since he was convinced that he'd never get to experience this.

Finally, the ocean rushed over Louis and Harry’s feet, the wet sand in between their toes. Harry easily became obsessed, nothing could be better than this. He turned to Louis, whose face matched his, full of light and radiating happiness. _Nothing_ could be better than that.

“Louis…” Harry began, his voice full of awe. He shook his head in disbelief as he bit his lip. “I never thought I'd get to see this.”

“I promised you,” the other lad whispered, stepping closer to his left. “And I meant it.”

Harry squatted down to run his fingers through the saltwater, enjoying the feeling of the cold liquid. “I thought I'd hate the sand.”

“Why?” Louis tilted his head, looking down.

He took a second to think about how to articulate it without breaking down. He didn't find what he had to say difficult in comparison to all of the other incidents he endured, but he was still hesitant nonetheless.  

“He kept me in a dungeon, that's what I called it,” Harry slightly chuckled, digging his hands into the sand. “The floor was just dirt and sand, and I just slept on that with a blanket underneath. It was everywhere. It smelled so dirty.” Of course, the sand had a smell to it, but it didn't displease Harry at all. It mixed well with the salt of the water, they were so close to. It managed to change his view on the tiny grainy rocks, he used to hate.

“This sand okay?” Louis nudged his arm against his. “We can just go back home, if you want.”

Harry instantly chanted, “No, no, no.” He stood up, dusted his hands off, and looked at Louis. “I love this. Thank you so much for bringing me here, I needed this.”

“You sure?”

“You're the only person to just let me be; you did something _I_ wanted instead of what _you_ wanted me to do. I think that's why I like being around you: you get it,” Harry explained, his eyes widening with that realization.

Louis led them back to his blanket that awaited them. “So it's not because I'm stunning? What a shame.”

_Well...that too._

**\-----**

“It's an obligation because you apparently were my best mate,” Harry joked, planting his behind on the blanket. Louis followed. “It's why I'm allowing you to stick around.”

“Well, I stick around for those curls of yours.” He gently petted his long strands, tangling it a bit.

The two laughed and looked out at the ocean. It had been a year or so since he had last visited the place with his mates. It was the location of their graduation celebration from the various universities they attended. Louis could pinpoint the places he'd vomited and where Liam passed out with Zayn by his side.

The atmosphere was completely different this time around. Last year, there were rowdy graduates getting pissed drunk and dancing along the shore. This time around, things were a lot more calm and relaxing. It was special because he was there with his childhood best friend. That fact put a smile on his face.

Harry huffed at Louis’ words, shoving him hard enough to knock him over to his side. Louis’ face collided with the cold sand, some even getting in his mouth. “It's all fun and games until sand gets in your mouth, I guess.”

_Harry was a little shit._

Harry did speak up on occasion, to ask questions, and give some commentary. All in all, the couple hours were productive and fun, their mission accomplished: to feel  more relaxed. Louis noticed how tense and uncomfortable Harry looked in the therapist’s office, his posture close to rigid. He knew then he'd have to take it upon himself to help the guy out, to release that tension.

Louis took over the conversation for a bit, sharing even more stories of their childhood. He loved the look of happiness in Harry’s eyes when listening to the tales. Louis spoke animatedly, the sound of the crashing waves didn't overpower him as he talked.

Louis noticed when the sun began to set, and then, with a concerned Anne in mind, he also realized he had left his phone in the car. He immediately told Harry it was time to head home to his parents. Before driving off, Louis sent out a quick text to Anne, ignoring the several messages and missed calls he had received from her. He let her know where he and Harry ran off to, apologized, and informed her that they were on their way back. Louis was upset with himself; he couldn’t believe he lost track of time. He didn’t want to lose Anne’s trust more than he already had and keeping Harry away longer than anticipated without notifying her wasn’t helping him.

They talked vaguely about what they like about the ocean. Harry listed many aspects he liked, of course, the main being the sun and how it reflected on the water beautifully. They had promised each other to return and get the full experience by swimming in the water.

As expected Anne still completely flipped out when they got back, yelling about it already being nighttime.

It upset Louis, but at the same time, he understood. He almost laughed at what was happening. When they were kids, she never minded Harry going out with Louis.

Anne reluctantly went back inside the home to allow Harry and Louis to have a moment before Louis left.

“Sorry about her, she's just so overprotective and crazy now,” Harry apologized, lifting his arm to scratch the back of his neck. Louis’ eyes lightened when he noticed him gently pulling the small hairs on the back, a gesture he did frequently as a child.

It just reminded Louis that even though Harry was a man now, and many years had gone by, he was still the same little boy he once knew. The memories may had faded for Harry, but little unique traits were still there. It gave Louis hope that things could be what they once were, he just needed to stick around and help Harry. He didn't need to be exactly the same as he was seven per se, but his personality would expose itself sooner or later.

“She was always pretty crazy,” Louis voiced, remembering her efforts in the past to keep Harry safe.

Harry sighed, a bit frustrated. “She was?”

“Yes, don't you remember?”

 _Way to go Louis, you fuck._ He reprimanded himself, of course, Harry didn't remember. There were times when Louis forgot that Harry didn't remember his childhood. Things had been so natural with him, that it didn't seem like it.

“Don't answer that, I'm sorry…” Louis started. “I forget sometimes.”

Harry only gave him a small smile. “It's okay, it's something to get used to. I'm sorry I can't remember.”

“It's not your fault,” Louis replied sternly. “Just stop apologizing and blaming yourself for everything.”

“Can't help it,” Harry spoke softly, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. Louis’ face paled with what he saw. His was never good with tears, especially Harry’s. He wanted to embrace the younger guy, comfort him the way he always did before. However, Louis didn't want to overstep his boundaries and overwhelm Harry because that would just make things worse

He sighed and thought it would be best to ask for permission to avoid catching him off guard. “May I hug you, Harry?”

The sound of his voice caught Harry’s attention and without hesitation, he walked into Louis’ arms and squeezed tightly. He whispered reassuring words to Harry, promising that there would be a time that he’d no longer feel guilty.

Louis was thrown back to twelve years ago, where young Louis and Harry would hug whenever they could. Harry was always smaller, which had changed since then. Louis liked to take charge of them however, because he felt like the protector. Harry went to Louis for comfort, and here they were doing the same thing twelve years later.

“Why can I let you touch me and not even my own mum?” Harry questioned. “I’ve flinched every time she’s tried, but I'm not panicking with you.”

“You did when you had that panic attack at my home,” he pointed out.

“I wasn't mentally stable then. I'm fine right now, and I don't know why.”

Louis didn't respond, letting Harry’s statements linger in the air. _Why is it okay with you? Why are you so special?_

“I guess you know that I won't hurt you,” Louis eventually claimed. They detached from one another, as it was getting pretty late. “I'm not going anywhere.”

“Can I see you tomorrow? Harry asked, looking hopeful.

Regretfully, Louis had to turn him down. “I have to work tomorrow. I'm so sorry, the weekdays are so hectic for me.”

“What do you do?”

With a grin, Louis replied, “I'm a teacher for little nose pickers.” Louis would forever be proud of his profession, it could be exhausting but it's rewarding.

“Harry! Come inside now, baby.” Anne yelled from the front of the house. Harry rolled his eyes at his mother, making Louis chuckle.

“I hate to ask this….” After Louis gestured for Harry to go on, Harry continued. “Would it be a problem if I tagged along? I reckon a good education is what I need. I dropped out at an early age and all.”

With a smirk, Louis gave an affirmative response. “You up for being woken up early?” Harry nodded. “Well if it's alright with Mama Bear, then I'll pick you up at seven sharp.”

“I'll let you know using Gemma’s phone,” Harry beamed, throwing himself at Louis. Two hugs in one day felt like quite the accomplishment to Louis; he'd be sleeping with a wide smile on his face tonight.

“Talk to your mum about getting you a phone,” Louis suggested, making his way to his car. With a nod, Harry waved as he turned to the house. “See you tomorrow, Lou!”

_Lou._

**\-----**

Harry determined rather quickly that children were from a different planet. He went on to praise Louis for being able to put up with the wild creatures everyday for several hours. It turned out that the children _loved_ guests, especially ones that were mates with their oh so cool teacher. His hand was pulled in all different directions, students wanting him to look at their art projects or play with them. It was quite adorable when one little lass even asked him to help her with a part of the lesson. _She was blushing._

Due to his reaction to people, other than Louis, touching him, Louis was a bit apprehensive when it came to his students. Clearly, they had no idea what Harry’s mental state was like, so when they pulled his arm every so often, Louis anticipated that he’d have a panic attack. To his surprise, Harry didn't jerk away or anything, he smiled politely or excitedly and paid attention to each snot eater.

He remembered that Harry would spend time with Lottie when she was a turd, because he found it so much fun to be around a baby. It was great to see him still loving children, no matter how malicious and evil they could be. In all seriousness though, Louis saw another side of Harry that was there from the beginning and that brought him so much joy. 

Louis decided to have the students do a physical activity outside to get some of their energy out, as they were getting a little too hyper with Harry around. They played a rather competitive game of football, with Louis and Harry as the coaches. The game went well until the coaches were brought into the match to play. As always, Louis dominated while Harry lacked foot skills. He found it best to just let the little kids play, so he passed the ball more often than not.

The students in Louis’ team fed off of his competitiveness and started to be too aggressive, while Harry and his team scattered off and out of the way. Ultimately, Louis put a stop to it when students from Harry’s team started to hide to protect themselves.

The laughs and screams faded as everyone made their way back into the classroom. Louis allowed a moment for the students to calm themselves and catch their breaths. He sat behind his desk, Harry on a chair to the side. He pulled out a water bottle from the mini fridge behind him and another for Harry.

“Thanks,” Harry mumbled, unscrewing the cap and taking a large drink. He downed about half of the bottle before taking a breath. The sweat on his forehead matted his curls to his forehead, so he pulled a navy blue beanie out of his bag and put it on. Most of his hair stuck out at the bottom, giving Louis the urge to tug on them.

“If I give you little bees time to work on the homework for tonight, will you promise to use your indoor voices?” Louis called out.

A chorus of, “ _Yes, Mr. Tommo,_ ” made its way around the room, pleasing Louis. “Go on then, you guys can help each other out. You're welcome.”

“Thank you, Mr. Tommo.” The children giggled, Louis nodded firmly and Harry just watched in awe.

“They quite like you,” Harry pointed out. “Granted, I don't blame them.”

A blush crept up Louis’ neck and graced his cheeks. “Shut up.”

“Have you always wanted to be a teacher?”

Louis nodded, taking another sip of water. “Since I was a bed wetter. I admired teachers for their ability to educate. I've had a couple teachers specifically that made a difference in my life, so I'd love if I could have the impact on at least one student.”

“Bed wetter?” Harry snickered, leaning over and holding his stomach.

“That's all you got from that?” Louis whined, turning his chair away from Harry. “I say something deep and you just get the bed wetter part. I’ll have you know that you wetted the bed a few times in your childhood, and one time while I was in bed with you.”

Harry’s hysterics halted abruptly when Louis shared that piece of information. With total seriousness, he asked, “Really?”

“You sure did, and you don't hear me laughing at you. I'm being _considerate_ ,” Louis bowed, earning a shove from Harry. “You're rude to me, I've realized.”

“Mr. Harry?” A voice interrupted the two men. It was a blushing Jenny, gripping her homework assignment.

Harry spun around to face the little girl, leaning against the seat to get eye level with her. “What can I do for you?”

“Can you help me?”

“I sure can, little one. What subject?”

“Maths,” she spoke softly, handing him the assignment. Louis looked on with a fond expression, amazed with the scene in front of him. He went on to watch Harry trying his best to explain the problem to Jenny, listening when she asked questions, and answering to the best of his ability. The smile that spread across his face when talking with the little girl warmed Louis’ heart and body.

To an outsider, it would be difficult to tell that Harry went through a horrific incident because he physically hid it so well. It was a different story when someone attempted to get him to open up, but if someone were to see Harry now, they wouldn't think anything was wrong in his life. It was a skill that took some time to master, but the younger lad pulled it off easily.

Without further explanation, Harry finished when Jenny stated that she finally understood. A “ _Thank you, Mr. Harry_ ” came from her lips, and she returned to her seat.

“That was great, Harry,” Louis spoke truthfully. He extended his arm out, so his hand could catch Harry’s. He squeezed tightly, his thumb rubbing the back of his hand gently.

“It was nothing,” Harry brushed off. “When's lunchtime?”

Luckily for Harry, lunchtime came soon enough. The two decided to quickly go out for pizza because Harry didn't remember what a supreme pizza tasted like. So Louis took it upon himself to kindly remind his pal of the deliciousness of a pizza that held everything. A pizzeria was located not too far from the primary school, so, thankfully, they didn't have to spend too much time making the drive.

They were guided to a table where they ordered a couple of waters and an appetizer of breadsticks. Louis immediately informed the waitress that they were going to share a supreme pizza, so they could get it cooking as soon as possible.

As they waited for their meal, they sparked up a conversation. “So what's next on your list, Haz?”

Harry eagerly dipped the breadstick into the marinara sauce and brought it to his lips. Louis watched intently as his full pink lips that opened and closed repeatedly.

The thing was, Louis was trying. He was trying to not be attracted to several physical aspects that belonged to Harry. His eyes, his hair, his lips, his jawline, his shoulders, it was like they were sculptured perfectly by the most talented artist. He wasn't very religious, but he'd thank the big guy upstairs any day for creating Harry Styles.

He wasn’t succeeding, clearly.

“I want to go to the cinema and watch a film,” Harry piped up, pushing the small plate that held his breadstick aside since the waitress came around to place the pizza on their table. “I've read about teenagers spending their Friday and Saturday nights going out on dates at the cinema in several books . I want to do that.”

Louis spat out pieces of his slice of pizza out in front of him. Harry’s explanation caught him off guard. “You want to go out on a date?”

With a raised brow, Harry slowly chewed his food and shook his head. “Not a date, that's just what I read. But I want us to go, you know, as mates.”

“Right,” Louis nodded, he didn't expect Harry to have the desire to want to date after everything that happened. It's preposterous to believe he'd even be thinking about these sorts of things. “What kind of film then?”

“Not horror, I've had enough of that,” Harry began sternly. “Something funny, I want to laugh.”

“Then we’ll get you to laugh.”

On Friday night, Harry and Louis went to see _We’re the Millers_. Louis then figured out that Harry still had the same laugh, practically identical. He successfully hid his tears as Harry was too distracted by his hyena laughing and the film to notice his state.

**\-----**

The following Monday rolled around quickly, and Harry wasn't happy about it. When Louis suggested that he'd return to see the therapist, Harry didn't want to disappoint him. So there he was, sat in front of Dr. Nolan, who was adamant about getting her client to reveal any kind of detail about his journey the past twelve years.

“I’m not here to judge at all, Harry. My intention is to simply help you cope,” Dr. Nolan informed him. “Do you want a glass of water?”

“Am I allowed a glass of water?” Harry asked hesitantly, not knowing if it was okay.

Dr. Nolan placed her clipboard on her lap. “It's your choice, Harry. You can decide what you want now. No one is controlling you. If you want water, then you can have water.”

Harry still wasn't sure if it was a trick or not. If he decided to have a glass of water, would he be punished? A headache crept in suddenly, causing him to become frustrated with his thinking process. Apparently, he wasn't being controlled anymore, yet his parents and Dr. Nolan are controlling him, in a way, to get him to talk about his experience. It didn't make sense to Harry. If he had control of his life, he wouldn’t be speaking about his dark years. _Yet, here I am. And not because I want to._

“I want water,” Harry finally decided. “And I don't want to come to another session after today.”

“And why is that?” Dr. Nolan pressed, leaning forward.

Harry shrugged. “You said it yourself: I can make my own decisions now, and I don't want to do therapy sessions.”

“But they're to help you.”

“I have help,” he snapped, taking a breath to relax. “I have help.”

The therapist paused before standing from her spot and making her way over to get a glass a water for Harry. “It's great that you have your family to help you.”

She handed the water to him, and he sipped it before answering. “That's not who I was talking about. It's someone else.”

“Mind telling me who?” She pried, making Harry uncomfortable. Nonetheless, he chose to humor her.

“His name is Louis, he was my best mate growing up.”

Dr. Nolan beamed, appreciating the small progress her client made by exposing an aspect of his current life. Although she wanted to hear more about his past, she wasn't going to complain about him sharing. “Let's hear about Louis, yeah? How is he helping you?”

To his surprise, Harry didn't have a problem opening his mouth if it had to do with Louis Tomlinson. It was the most he spoke in his whole life, it felt like. He told Dr. Nolan about how Louis voiced his full support and how he made it his mission for Harry to achieve everything on the list they made.

Dr. Nolan noted the brightness of Harry’s face when they were on the topic of Louis. In most cases, victims of a long term kidnapping made it a point to dissociate themselves from the outside world. Yet here Harry was, basically clinging to somebody that wasn't even family. It was such an unique thing to see, but she realized that this Louis fellow was a key element in Harry’s recovery.

“Harry, it seems like Louis is someone special to you,” she spoke softly. Harry was inclined to agree with her revelation, because it couldn't be more true.

“I smile around him...and I haven't smiled this much in a long time.”


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this chapter there is a brief mention of physical and sexual abuse. It's just said towards the beginning, so you can skim quickly pass it if necessary.
> 
> as always, hope you enjoy the chapter and tell me what you think :)
> 
> share the fic as well!

It didn't take long for the nightmares to start coming along. They were a nightly occurrence for Harry. They were intense to the point where he refused to sleep anymore. It took a toll on him through the day, and everybody noticed it. They didn't say anything, although they all wanted to address it.

With the nightmares in full force to remind him vividly of his terrible experience, Harry began to withdraw himself from everyone, including Louis. He was tired of and felt undeserving of dropping all the issues onto the man, so he thought it'd be better to keep away.

He's woken up drenched in sweat, panting hard to catch his breath. His skin burned and felt so dirty that Harry would spend the next couple hours scrubbing it profusely until it was cherry red.

He was constantly reminded of the pain inflicted on him, both physically and emotionally, by the torture and sexual abuse he endured. It was such a battle to have to endure all of it, but what Harry is realizing is that it's even more difficult to cope with the memories.

So he stayed up throughout the hours of the night into the morning, only for the drowsiness to increase each day.

He'd hear Louis come by every day, to which Anne would send him right back out. Harry had to convince Anne that he wasn’t isolating himself, but needed space in order to recover. As much as he was hesitant to have full conversations with her, he desperately needed Louis to stay away. After discussing with Des, they agreed that space would be beneficial for Harry’s recovery. Louis had an established life before Harry walked into it, he was a great teacher with students that loved him. It was clear as day when Harry witnessed it that one day; it'd be selfish of him to distract Louis from what he loved to do.

As much as he’d like Louis to be around whenever he could, Harry felt guilty making him worry constantly. He was asking so much of Louis to help him with his recovery when Harry felt like it was his duty to do it on his own. It wasn’t Louis’ obligation to fix Harry and hold his hand whenever he had a panic attack or a bad day. Harry needed to learn how to take the matter into his own hands and be independent.

He knew Louis worried about him. He'd ask Gemma every day how her brother was. Louis came running when he suffered from a panic attack. Louis took him to his work because Harry didn't want to be at home. Neither of them could forget the list of things they vowed to do together because Harry had yet to experience them. It was clear as day, and that was why he held himself back. He didn't want Louis to care so much. Harry didn’t believe he deserved it.

As promised, Harry didn't return to Dr. Nolan’s office for a session since his appointment a couple weeks ago. Without his therapist, Harry had assumed that he'd be left alone, but that wasn't the case.

Over a month passed since he'd come back to reality when the detectives returned. They wanted to give Harry some time to be home before diving into the case to find his kidnapper.

Just like his sessions with Dr. Nolan, Harry stayed silent when the detectives asked various questions.

The two detectives, in addition to Anne, Des, and Harry were in the Styles’ living room. Anne and Des sat by Harry’s side, while the detectives sat on chairs in front of them. Everyone except Harry was frustrated with the lack of progress. Harry was annoyed for an entirely different reason.

“Harry, we understand that this is so hard. But for us to catch this guy, we need your help,” the man pleaded, giving him a warm look to avoid scaring Harry. He kept refraining from communicating with the two men, huffing and puffing every now and then to make it clear he didn't want to be there.

“We gave you time to yourself, don't you think you can help us out?” The other man asked, looking determined.

That infuriated Harry. He had enough. “You gave me time to myself? What? A month? I was away for twelve _years,_ and I only get a month to recover before I have to mentally revisit what I had to go through? How _dare_ you tell me to help you out, didn’t you take into consideration my health? How I am mentally?” One of the detectives opened his mouth to get a word in, but Harry wasn't having it. “No, you didn't. You're pushing that shit aside just so you can find this guy.”

The room that held the small group of people was so silent that even the faintest of sounds would be heard easily. Harry was just so _sick_ of people pushing him to do things that reminded him of _everything_. He had escaped for a reason, to escape the torture, yet it was as if he was going through it again. He's returned home, a place where he was supposed to feel the safest.

“Harry, we understand what you’re going through. This isn’t the first time we have dealt with a kidnapping. But you have to also understand that time is of the essence in these situations. For every minute that goes by that we haven’t caught this guy, it’s a minute longer that someone else is being tortured. It’s another minute for him to get farther away from you and hide or another minute for him to get closer to you. You never know. So, unfortunately, we can’t take our time with this. We need to hear about everything that happened; anything can help us.”

“So what do you want to hear?” Harry questioned rhetorically. “He _beat_ me with multiple weapons. I was tied up with ropes and chains.” He took a second to gather himself. He whispered, “I was _touched_ and _raped_ over and over again. I bled more times than I can count, the whole time I was bruised somewhere, but the _worst_ part of all of it is the memories.”

With that, he stood up, took a coat off the rack and walked out the door. He had a destination in mind, and no one was going to stop him.

The gloomy skies above matched Harry’s mood as he walked passed the houses down the street. His eyes stung, but he refused to let himself break down, especially in public. His hands clammed up due to the coldness outside, he stuffed them into the pockets of his coat. The sounds of his white converse making contact with the cement filled his ears.

The cream-colored house came to view moments later, making Harry pick up his pace. He just blew up in front of detectives and his parents, he needed to talk to the one person that made things alright. It pained him to have to resolve to seek guidance from Louis as he held back for as long as he could.

Louis just understood him, and Harry couldn't fathom the fact that, despite them being apart for so many years, Louis did so effortlessly. It also wasn’t hard for Harry to allow it to happen.

Walking up the steps, Harry hoped Louis was home. The incident that just took place moments prior needed to be forgotten and replaced with lighter ones. He didn’t doubt that Louis would do his best to accomplish that for him.

Knocking on the door, Harry fixed his hair, tossing it around until he felt it was right. _He_ never liked when Harry’s hair grew, so when it got to the point where he didn't like the length, he cut it off.

Currently, it was near to the length, _he_ would cut it off, so Harry chose to let it grow. He wanted to see how his hair would look long, and it was against what _he_ liked.

The door opened revealing a younger girl, though Harry couldn't estimate her age. Her bleach blonde hair was piled atop her head in a messy bun, loose strands framing her face. Her blue eyes that matched Louis’ enlarged with recognition.

“You're Harry,” she stated, gripping the edge of the wooden door tightly. He nodded in return, shyly bowing his head.

“And you're…”

“Charlotte, well, Lottie. I'm Louis’ sister,” she smiled.

Lottie gestured for Harry to enter the house, leading him to the front room, which he was already acquainted with. “Is Louis here?”

She pouted, shaking her head regretfully. “He's probably at his flat. He usually comes on the weekends.”

“Oh,” Harry muttered, not aware that Louis had a place of his own. They never got around to discussing that apparently. When meeting up, they'd be in the Styles’ backyard or the park nearby. “Is it far from here?”

“Not really, I can drive you there if you want,” Lottie offered, making her way to fetch the set of keys.

Harry furrowed his brows, confused. “Are you even old enough to drive?”

She spun around, lifting her index finger against her lips. “What they don't know, won't hurt ‘em.”

“Do you even know _how_ to drive?”

She only smirked. “Of course, Louis taught me.”

With the keys in hand, Lottie and Harry entered the small compact car, turning it on once they were seated. Harry mentally asked anybody above to be with him and protect him while the little girl drives. His hand kept still by his sides, holding onto the edges of the seat. He would've liked to view the scenery as they drove by, but he thought better of it and just took deep breaths.

By good fortune, since Harry distracted himself, they parked outside Louis’ flat in no time. Lottie turned off the car and unlatched her seatbelt with an amused expression. “Told you I could drive.”

“Can you please just tell me which flat is Louis’, I need to talk to him,” he asked desperately. Lottie noticed his tone and expression and immediately informed him of the flat number. After a thank you and a see you later, Harry exited the car and walked into the building.

He followed Lottie's instructions on how to maneuver his way through the building to Louis’ flat. He reached the fifth floor and strolled down the hall, looking for _4D._ Once the flat came into sight, Harry gently pounded his fist against the metal door. He stopped once he heard movement on the other side, footsteps approaching the door. 

Harry relaxed when Louis was revealed on the other side of the door. Louis looked utterly confused by the surprise visitor, wondering how Harry knew where he lived. “Haz, you okay?”

“I'm sorry I've been avoiding you,” Harry started. He played with the bottom of his shirt absentmindedly, as tears welled up. “I couldn't help it.”

“Hey, hey, hey, none of that,” Louis said, cautiously taking Harry’s hand and pulling him inside the flat.

The space of the flat wasn't much, but it felt comfortable enough for one person to live in. Entering the flat, Harry got a good look at the kitchen, and the black countertops and a big refrigerator stood out to him. On the other side of the room, Harry’s eyes attempted to pop out when he saw the size of the telly. On the screen it looked like Louis was playing a football game, the quality made it look as if he was really watching a professional match. Different bags of crisps and a pizza box rested on his black sofa displayed in front of the telly. It made Harry smile that Louis was clearly a slob. A case of beer was on the floor against the sofa, there were six of them and only two were opened.

“Sorry for the mess,” Louis apologized, rushing to pick up the food and beer in the living room. “I didn't expect any visitors. I'm a slob, I know, don't judge me. I'm just a good person that doesn’t like to clean.”

_Don't worry, you are._

“Well don't stand there like a statue. Sit, Haz. Come sit.”

The two spent the rest of the day talking. Harry explained the incident with the detectives and his parents, and how he exploded and revealed a lot that he wasn't ready for. Louis was there listening to him the entire time, not giving any indication that he was tired of hearing Harry complain.

It wasn’t until Harry once again apologized that Louis finally spoke up and interrupted him. “I can't say I understand what you're going through because I’ve never experienced anything like that. But, I get that you sometimes need to just cope and deal with things your own way. And if that means temporarily isolating yourself, then so be it. As long as you know that I'm right here for you, just a phone call away, then I'll do whatever makes you comfortable.”

“It's so hard,” Harry slowly admitted, leaning his head on Louis’ shoulder. “I have nightmares every night, each of something he did to me. I wake up upset, wanting to just sleep without waking up. So I can stop dreaming for good.”

Louis drew the boy in, holding him tightly. “Oh love, don't say that. I know it's hard, but you're so strong. You know that?” Harry shook his head. “You are, Haz. So many would've given up in there, but you didn't. You fought, escaped, returned home, and you have no idea how happy I am to have you back. I don't care if you don't remember, but _I_ do, and that is enough for me.” Harry sniffed and nuzzled himself against Louis’ body.

“And I know you're going to hate this, but the detectives and parents are just trying to get justice for what happened to you. You wouldn't want something like that to happen to another boy, would you?”

“No, no, no. Never,” Harry croaked. “I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy.”

Louis ran his fingers through the curls of Harry’s hair. The younger boy closed his eyes, loving the sensation of Louis playing with his hair. He thought about the words said, in which he agreed and also disagreed with some points.

Although the thought of retelling everything made his stomach turn, Harry did think it would help prevent it from happening again to another person. He just desperately wanted everything to get out of his system, and the only way to do that was to talk about it.

The authorities would need to know, but maybe his therapist also needed to be informed. It was her job to help deal _,_ and although the Harry was terrified, he’ll try to make baby steps.

“Will you be by my side?” Harry asked Louis, enduring the bullshit would entail having his best mate alongside him.

“Love, I've been by your side since day one.”

**\-----**

Harry made another friend. While that wouldn't be a big deal for any ordinary person, it was a huge deal for him. He met him at a deli near where Louis taught. As Harry waited for lessons to end, he made himself comfortable in the establishment with Louis’ laptop.

The days following his visit to Louis’ flat, he made it his mission to teach Harry about modern technology. As a child, Harry was a proud owner of a Nintendo GameCube, on which he and Louis stayed up most nights - _don't tell his mum_ \- playing _Mario Party._

Louis told him that they would have several tournaments just for fun with different games. But now, the GameCube was out and the Xbox One was in apparently. Harry never heard of an Xbox One, so naturally, Louis went into teacher mode and taught him how to play his favorite game, FIFA.

The remote controllers were complicated to navigate, but Harry eventually got the hang of it. He also learned that Louis loved to yell profanities at the telly when he didn't get his way. Harry had beginners luck as well, four out of seven times. Louis claimed he cheated, but Harry was insistent that he wouldn't know how to.

After the video games, which was a priority according to Louis, Harry got himself a cell phone. It took some persuading Louis to get Anne to agree. Who knew he’d be a natural at it?

Harry was all fancy with the newest version of the iPhone. He was so fascinated with the foreign device. Louis downloaded several games that he felt Harry would like. He taught the youngster how to text and even how to use _Instagram._ Harry’s interest in taking pictures and uploading them to _Instagram_ was evident. He also gained some followers and, after using hashtags in his captions, he was truly succeeding in life. The website named _Tumblr_ came next, and Harry absolutely loved it. He followed several photography blogs and added his photos to that blog along with _Instagram._

With using _Tumblr_ , Louis showed Harry how to personalize the theme, and that's where the laptop came in. They weren't able to edit the theme on mobile, so they used Louis’ MacBook to do so. Harry realized that, especially when using _Tumblr,_ that it was better to use it on the laptop instead of the mobile app. So with every chance he had, Harry would borrow the MacBook and scroll through his blog and dashboard for hours.

He was delighted when Louis told him that he could use it when at the Deli because they had free wifi. Harry didn't know what wifi was, but he was just happy he had something to do while Louis worked.

While Harry ordered a sandwich, he brushed off his nerves and started up a conversation with the employee. He had a different accent than himself and Louis he noticed. Later on, he was told that the guy was actually from Ireland, and he went by the name of Niall.

Niall laughed, _a lot,_ at things that even Harry didn't find funny. They ended up chatting throughout Niall’s shift, and the lad even stayed afterward to keep Harry company. So between _Tumblr_ and Niall, it made the time fly by before Louis showed up. By then Niall and Harry had exchanged numbers in hopes of making plans to hang out one day. Of course, Harry asked if Louis could tag along, to which Niall just replied, “More the merrier, my man. As long as he doesn't mind having a pint.”

Harry’s never had a pint, but he wouldn't tell Niall that. It was his first mate with the exception of Louis, and he wanted to keep it that way for more than a day.

As they talked, Louis walked into the store, causing a ringing of a bell as the door made contact with it. He greeted his mate and the unknown fella that sat with him. “Harry, who's the new pet?”

Harry giggled as Niall jokingly looked offended, giving a look that was meant to be a death glare. “I am no pet. Unless you're willing to feed, bathe me, and occasionally take me outside for some fresh air.”

“You into that?” Louis quirked a brow.

“Everybody has a kinky side,” Niall simply shrugged. Harry wasn't sure what he meant by that.

“What's kinky?”

“Usually when it comes to sex-” Niall started before Louis interjected. Louis gently slapped his back, holding his hand there to squeeze his shoulder.

“Stranger, shut up. Harry, trust me, you don't want to know.”

“The name is Niall, mate,” Niall extended his arm for a handshake.

“Louis. You work here?”

The deli employee nodded, biting into his sandwich, breadcrumbs sticking to his pale face. Louis accepted this when he saw the uniform that held the logo of the place was displayed on the hat that Niall wore on top of his blonde hair.

“Been here for a few months now as I go to the uni in town,” Niall told them.

“Oh yeah? What are you studying to be?”

“Audio engineer,” the Irishman beamed. “I love music, but I'm too chicken to sing and stuff. More comfortable with being behind the scenes. It's more creative, in my opinion.”

Louis and Harry bobbed their heads while Niall spoke. With that subject on the table, Harry’s mind wandered to his own passions. Louis had teaching, Niall wanted to be an audio engineer, but what did his future hold? What type of career was he meant to do?

**\-----**

Anne and Harry came to an agreement one day. The more cooperative he was with the open investigation to find his abductor and attended his therapy sessions, the more open she would be with him being with Louis a lot. It came about when Harry approached her bashfully with the idea of going on a little trip.

He read a story some time ago that followed a boy on his first trip to London. The boy’s eyes were described as bright as he passed by the various monuments: the London Eye, Big Ben, the Tower of London, and Saint Paul's Cathedral to name a few. According to the boy in the story, every place he went, had the potential to be a beautiful picture. It was such a diverse place that catered to so many people from all around the world.

In spite of the fact that it bothered Harry to be surrounded by so many people, he felt like it would be worth it just to see the favored place. When he voiced his desires to Louis, he thought it was an amazing idea to go. It had been years since he had visited the city. He just hoped that Anne would allow Harry to go, which felt close to impossible.

So when Harry addressed the idea with Anne, she turned it down faster than a heartbeat. He was persistent however and brought in the big guns to help him. Gemma and Louis were on his side, while Des declared himself the middle man to stay safe.

With both Louis’ persuasion skills and Gemma’s knowledge of how her mother’s mind worked, they convinced Harry’s mum to let him go. Harry had at least a month to accomplish his duties to prove himself. It was perfect though because it gave him and Louis time to plan out their days in London.

The fact that Anne also consented to let Harry stay a night in a hotel in London made him feel like a million pounds. He was appreciative of her and excited to begin to live _,_ and live the way he's read about so many times.

He revealed his feelings to Dr. Nolan, and she was happy to see him in high spirits. It was shocking, in a way, for him to be in that state when it's sometimes impossible for victims to bounce back at all. She had a suspicion that the cause for this was described by Harry as his sunshine.

She voiced that it was great for Louis to get him looking forward to things because it put his mind off of thinking about the past. It was good to acknowledge it, of course, but he shouldn't be doing it all day long.

Just because smiled more than frowned lately, didn't mean he wasn't struggling at all. He feared nightfall and the nightmares that came along with it. When he had really traumatic ones that had him waking up with tear tracks upon his cheeks, it affected him the whole day. It led to him concealing himself and becoming more irritated with the world.

The man haunted him in his sleep, and Harry didn't see how that was fair. He had escaped him to never see nor get tortured by him again, yet it was still occurring without him physically there.

Once in a blue moon, however, the nightmares don't appear. Instead, he dreamt of happy things in his life. Often times it would be of him running on the grass with the sun shining brightly on his skin. And Louis was always right next to him , with smiles as big as the ocean.

The thing was, he wouldn't look like the Louis Harry knew. Instead, it was the little boy whose picture hung on the wall in his home. Their laughter filled the air, spreading around the environment. They'd fall gracefully, the grass surprisingly as fluffy as the clouds must be. Harry would grab Louis’ hand, and they would stare at the clear sky and listen to the sounds of nature.

There were butterflies that flew in the air that matched the ones in his stomach. The sensation was foreign to the current Harry, yet it was familiar to the young Harry in the dream.

_“I'm scared about starting school. What if the other kids don't like me, Lou Lou?” The high pitched voice of a young Harry sounded._

_The young Louis would grip his hand tightly and bring it up to his chest. “I'll be there to protect you, Hazzy. I'll always be there.”_

_The young Harry would scoot himself closer, daring to place a peck on Louis’ cheek. The flower crown placed tenderly on top of his mate’s head got messed up with the contact. Harry would fix it quickly and make sure his own was in place._

_“I love you, Lou Lou,” Harry would whisper._

_Sea blue eyes would meet the jade green ones, both bright and full of life. Louis would smile, the missing front tooth noticeable from a mile away._

_“Love you more, Hazzy.”_

The dream came and went occasionally, lifting Harry’s spirits as he started off his day. He hadn't brought it up to Louis, not sure if it was made up or a memory.

Fortunately, he had the dream on the day they left for London, so Harry was all smiles throughout the drive. Louis and he talked the entire way there about what they were going to do.

“I got a present for you,” Louis told Harry about an hour away from London. Harry’s ears perked up at the word ‘present,’ instantly getting excited. So many birthdays passed without him receiving a gift, so he didn't know if he was overreacting. “What is it?” Not being able to wait any longer, Louis pulled over to the side of the road. He turned it off and reached behind his seat. The closer he came to grabbing the gift, the more Harry began to jump in his seat. “Someone's eager.”

“I've never gotten a present before. It's supposed to be something exciting, right?” Harry asked innocently, playing with the ends of his hair.

Louis looked back at him with a small frown. He was reminded that Harry didn't remember getting presents for birthdays and Christmases. “Yeah, Haz. It's a good and exciting thing. Ready?”

Harry nodded vigorously and put his hands out when told to do so. He also closed his eyes, only to open them when he felt a heavy box in his hands.

The black box wasn't big, but it was quite heavy due to the content inside it. On the top side of the box was a picture of a fancy camera with the name printed on the side of it: _Olympus OM-D E-M_. His eyes widened with the realization of what he held. He looked up at Louis, who held his bottom lip in between his teeth in anticipation.

“I figured you'd want to take professional pictures during our little trip,” Louis said softly.

Harry casts his eyes downwards as he moved to open the box. Once the side opened, he reached his hand inside and took the camera out. He had seen pictures of cameras on both _Tumblr_ and _Instagram_. They looked so nice and fragile, he never thought he'd own one. He ran his finger over the lens carefully, not wanting to mess anything up.

“Wow,” he breathed out in awe. He went back in the box to get the battery, inserted it in the camera, and pressed the on-button. The screen lit up and immediately showed the settings to personalize. Harry played with the different dials, just getting the feel of it. He would like to thank _YouTube_ for teaching him what each basic setting on a camera was.

He lifted it up, looked into the lens and pointed it at his sunshine. Louis gave a wide smile, the skin by his eyes scrunched up. He snapped the picture and laughed happily when he viewed the captured image.

“Beautiful,” Harry whispered.

“Yeah, the camera is beautiful,” Louis agreed, overjoyed that Harry liked the gift so much.

Harry shook his head. “No, _you’re_ beautiful.”

**\-----**

At the rate that Harry went with snapping pictures left and right, he'd need a new memory card soon. He just couldn't help it, every scene presented to him seemed like it had lots of potential to be captured beautifully.

It distracted him for the rest of the drive. He only occasionally talked to Louis to comment on something in regards to the camera. Louis didn't mind, more than happy to see Harry enjoying it.

The shutter sounds of the camera filled the car as they pulled into the car park of the hotel. They left early in the morning to avoid traffic, and also so they could have more time in the day to start exploring the city. It's before noon when they are checked in and given the keycard to their shared room.

They entered the elevator and waited until they reached the fourth floor. Both Louis and Harry made funny faces at each other through the mirror doors. Louis crossed his eyes while Harry stuck his tongue out to the side. They laughed hysterically at their stupidity, which eventually earned them weird looks from the people that joined them.

After hanging their heads in embarrassment, they shuffled their way to their room. Louis inserted the keycard into the slot and turned the knob when the green light flashed. Harry pushed the door open wider and stepped inside.

It was a cute little room. Though, Harry didn't care how it looked since he planned to only sleep in it. Walking in the room, the bathroom was to the left and the two beds were on the other side. A flat screen telly was mounted on the wall in front of the beds with a miniature refrigerator underneath.

The boys dragged their stuff along, throwing it on their chosen beds. Louis already claimed the bed closest to the toilet because he had a tendency to wake up multiple times throughout the night for a wee.

“This is good, yeah?” Louis questioned, unzipping his bag to pull out a change of clothes.

“This is perfect,” Harry grinned in return. “How do I see the pictures on your laptop?” Louis knew what he'd be getting Harry for Christmas.

He took the MacBook from the bag and fired it up. Harry handed him the camera, and he proceeded to take out the memory card. “You get the memory card, and put it in here.”

It didn't take long for Harry to figure out how to manage things, so Louis stepped away to shower before they went to explore. By the time he walked out feeling fresh and clean, the younger boy hadn't moved from his spot on the bed.

“Lou Lou, I uploaded some of the pictures to _Instagram_ and _Tumblr_. People are commenting that they like it and everything. I can't wait to take some more.”

With no verbal response from Louis, Harry looked up to see what was wrong. He then realized that his posture had become rigid, and he just stared. He was confused because he didn't feel like he said anything unordinary or wrong to Louis.

Closing the laptop, he straightened his back and frowned. “What's wrong?”

“You called me Lou Lou.”


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, there is the smallest mention of the sexual and physical abuse, but it doesn't go into detail. There are also mentions of panic attacks, if that bothers anybody. Again, it doesn't go into detail. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)  
> Tell me what you think, as always!

When Harry began to talk as a toddler, Anne and Jay would try to get him to say ‘Louis.’ For the longest time, it was always ‘nanas’ which meant bananas. He was a huge fan.

As Louis and he played with their toys, Louis would grab Harry’s favorite bear and sit in front of him. Once the bear was in sight, Harry dropped everything, and his attention was solely on that bear. Louis refused to hand over the stuffed animal until the toddler said his name or cried. He cried every single time until one day that changed.

The tears threatened to spill over Harry’s chubby cheeks as he reached for the brown bear only for Louis to tease him and pull back.

“Say Louis, Hazzy,” four-year-old Louis pleaded, shaking the bear within arms reach. Jay scolded her son, but of course, he didn't back down and continued on. “Lou-ie. Lou-ie. Like that.”

The only response he received was a lip wobble and more tears. Just when Louis was about to give up and call it a day, Harry’s mouth opened and his tongue curled. Louis’ eyes enlarged with anticipation, leaning forward and cheered his little mate on.

Unfortunately, no sound came out and Harry stretched out his arm and attempted to grab his bear again. Because he was so close, Louis pulled away hastily. That just earned him a loud wail and a yell from his mum.

The four-year-old grumbled, giving Harry the precious bear. He pouted and crossed his arms in frustration. All he wanted was his little pal to say his name. A kids’ program played on the telly and, because Louis was upset and wanting to throw a tantrum, he ignored Harry and watched the show.

Later on that day, one of Louis’ aunts came to visit with his cousin. His cousin, Tyler, was closer to his age than Harry’s, so he was able to talk to him. Harry joined them with the infamous bear tucked under his arm.

“Lou Lou, can we play with the cars?” Tyler asked.

Louis nodded and went to dig through his toy chest to grab the miniature vehicles. As he threw the random toys behind him to find the ones he wanted, a little voice was heard. It was so soft that he barely heard it.

“Lou Lou.”

He whipped his head around and focused his eyes on the owner of that voice because it surely wasn't Tyler’s. Harry’s gummy smile brightened the room as he squeezed the bear to his chest.

The toy cars were abandoned as Louis crawled quickly towards him. “Say it again Hazzy! Mummy! Anne!”

The two mothers barged into the room with panicked looks covering their faces, thinking Louis’ calls were because something went wrong. They relaxed when they saw only smiles on his and Harry’s faces. Tyler paid no attention, not caring since he took the initiative to find the cars himself.

“What happened, Boobear?” Jay answered her son, crouching down to his level.

“C’mon Hazzy, what did you say?”

Harry laughed, clapping his hands as he chanted, “Lou Lou, Lou Lou, Lou Lou.” He stopped when everyone in the room cheered, startled by the noise. The toddler looked back at his mum, tilting his head.

“Lou Lou nanas?”

\-----

The name ‘Lou Lou’ stuck with him until the very moment Harry was kidnapped twelve years ago. As they grew older and “matured” Louis never disliked his nickname, but Harry was the only person allowed to call him that.

With that being said, the moment he heard his nickname come out of the mouth of now nineteen-year-old Harry, his world completely stopped. He didn't quite know how to behave, his mind went berserk like dogs from those videos of soldiers coming home.

He attempted to not get his hopes up when it came to Harry and regaining his past memories. He didn't want to deal with being optimistic and consequently get his heart broken when it never happened.

Louis finally broke the silence, ambling forward cautiously. “Why did you call me Lou Lou? Do you remember something?”

“I think? I don't know exactly.”

He joined Harry on the bed, crawling his way towards the headboard to sit. Once he got comfortable with a couple pillows behind his back, he gestured for Harry to elaborate.

“I have nightmares all the time,” he whispered. “It's of times I was there and it's so much, and I hate it a lot. I go to sleep crying because I'm scared of what I'll dream about. But instead of just staying up like I used to, I still go to sleep.”

“Why?” Louis questioned, moving to capture Harry’s hand in his own. They intertwined their fingers, squeezing for comfort. Louis was glad that Harry allowed him to do that since he didn't think he let anybody touch him at all.

“Because occasionally I have dreams about running in an open field. Like, it's so beautiful, Louis. The butterflies are everywhere, and the sky is so blue and clear. And I'm laughing. Just laughing so much, but the great thing is that I'm never alone.” Harry paused. He got distracted with the movement of Louis’ thumb across the back of his hand. He played with the blue-eyed man’s hand, weirdly loving how small it felt being held by his bigger one. It was warm and soft and just all around nice. He wondered if he could hold onto both forever.

It was then that he got a sudden urge to show some type of affection, that affection being just a gentle kiss on the hand. He gazed at the glowing skin. He pondered the potential repercussions for him and his mental health if he were to do as he desired. Although it's a small action, it could affect him greatly.

“You're always there. But it's not the modern day you, it's you as a little boy. And I know it's you because it's the same boy on the wall. And I call you Lou Lou,” he revealed. “I don't know if I'm just making it up.”

“Would we talk?”

Harry nodded. “I talk about being scared of going to school because of mean kids. You always tell me that you'd protect me. Nothing bad.”

The sounds of honking from outside filled the silence inside the room, the sunlight crept through the velvet curtains as it hit the left side of Harry’s face. It brought a more vibrancy to his jaded eye color, which was truly stunning to Louis.

With the hand that wasn't clutching Harry’s, Louis cupped the boy's cheek and softly moved his head to the left. That way, he was able to see both of them shine. They locked eyes and matched smiles, but unlike Louis, Harry’s dimple on his left side popped out. A scrumptious little bullet hole of beauty, it was.

“You didn't make it up, love. We used to lay on the grass and watch the sky and just talk. You'd make flower crowns for the both of us to wear, even though I was too manly to wear one.” Louis chuckled.

“We wore flower crowns in my dream too.”

Without realizing it, each of Louis’ hands touched a part of Harry, and it felt completely normal and safe. That amazed the both of them in entirely different ways. For Louis, it amazed him that he was able to get to live his life with Harry present in it when he had given up hope that he'd return home. For Harry, it astounded him that despite enduring sexual and physical abuse, he'd allow the beautiful man to touch his skin without feeling disgusting. Their two diverse perspectives on one simple moment and action almost left them both speechless.

“It's crazy,” Harry shook his head, messing around with his curls and making Louis’ hand fall from his cheek.

“What is?”

Taking a moment to make up his mind, Harry brought their joined hands to his lips and softly touched them to Louis’ skin. “Even in my dreams, you're still there. You're always there.”

The small spot where his lips had kissed his skin was ablaze, causing his breathing to hitch in disbelief. “Is it bad that I am?”

The dimple made an appearance once again. “Always having my sunshine around is never a bad thing.”

\-----

For the two days of their adventure of London, Louis and Harry were typical tourists. Louis had them go all out; visiting the most well-known monuments, eating at the best-rated restaurants, and almost agreeing to have Harry walk around with a selfie stick. Usually, Louis would despise those people, but he loved doing it with his best mate. It didn't hurt that Harry wouldn't stop smiling the entire time. Although he was a bit apprehensive about how Harry’s reaction to a large number of people walking through the streets, Harry actually managed very well. If they bothered him, it didn’t show.

Things couldn't be perfect, however, because there was no such thing. During the day, things were great and dandy, but that wasn’t the case at night. Louis was aware of the nightmares because Harry had told him about them, but the man didn't expect them to affect the boy this much.

No noise invaded the night, curtains were drawn to a close, the only light was illuminating from the bathroom since Harry didn't want it to be in complete darkness.

Suddenly, just as it hit three o’clock in the morning, Louis groggily opened his eyes. The whimpers coming from the other bed in the room broke him out of his deep slumber. Soft cries and pleads slipped from Harry’s lips, alarming Louis.

He wavered, unsure whether he should take action and comfort his mate or leave him, so he wouldn't scare him when waking him. As the cries increased and the mumbling became more coherent, Louis shoved the comforters away from his body and stood up off the bed.

“No, no, no,” Harry moaned desperately. “Stop...stop touching me please.”

If Louis were to be frank with himself, he often liked to forget that something so tragic as being kidnapped and held hostage for more than a decade occurred to Harry. In a perfect world, none of that would have happened because no one deserves to endure that. It was naïve of him to disregard that it had, but it helped him sleep most nights. Hearing the cries and begs from Harry brought him back from the impossible ideal world to harsh reality.

His Harry was suffering, suffering in his sleep no less, and he couldn't just stand there and watch.

The boy rocked his body from side to side as if trying to move away from someone to prevent them from touching him. Louis could feel his heart breaking at the scene, so he inched closer and closer until he reached the edge of the bed.

Unsure how to approach Harry, Louis just acted and placed his hand on his shoulder. Thanks to the light from the bathroom, he was able to see the small drops of sweat running down Harry’s forehead, matting the front of his hair to it. He pulled his arm back and quickly went to get a wet towel to wipe Harry with once he woke.

It surprised him that the boy kept moaning and groaning when he returned. Louis hated knowing that this was a frequent situation for Harry.

He brought himself back to the side, sitting by the moving body. As gently as he could, he dragged his palm up and down the boy’s back, whispering his name softly in his ear.

“C’mon Harry, love. You're having a bad dream. Wake up, Hazzy.”

Harry woke with a shout and continued to sob for the next two hours in Louis’ arms. Louis didn't let him see, but he cried along, praying to any higher power that could take the pain away from this undeserving boy.

In essence, the trip was an overall success, due to the glowing smiles both mates had on their faces when arriving home. Unsurprisingly, Anne was sat on the front porch when Louis’ car parked in their driveway. She attempted to hide her worried expressions, but it was transparent to anybody that knew their history. Louis didn't blame her, this was the first time Harry has been gone overnight since he came back; he'd be spazzing out as well if he were in her shoes.

Rest assured, Anne, relaxed when she got a good look at her son and failed to see him being in any physical or mental pain. She surprised them when she brought Louis into a tight embrace, apologizing for sometimes being irrational when it came to Harry. Louis assured her that it wasn't a problem and that she had every right to behave and feel the way she did.

In the past few months, Louis still steered clear from the inside of the Styles’ home. Harry had only gotten him to go into the backyard and hadn't yet accomplished actually getting him inside. There were too many memories that Louis held close to his heart. He was terrified to figure out how he'd react if he entered the house.

“So, did you boys have fun?” Anne wondered, taking Harry’s overnight bag from his hands.

Harry nodded happily. “There are so many amazing sights, and Louis took me to so many.”

Louis didn't know why his cheeks began to heat up after Harry’s words. He refused to acknowledge them, hoping they'd go unnoticed. Little did he know that Anne certainly noticed them, but decided to not say anything and just listen to her boy.

“Oh! And look,” Harry retreated back to the passenger's side of the car, pulling out the camera bag that he purchased at a cute street store downtown. “Louis actually bought me a camera for the trip. I took so many pictures, it's going to take me forever to sort them out, but I can't wait.”

Louis wanted to hide from Anne’s curious eyes because with the several years he'd known her, he knew what she would think. The camera wasn't cheap, and his bank account was definitely suffering after buying it, but it was something he couldn't do.

“Harry, why don't you go inside and get ready for dinner, okay love?”

Harry didn't realize her sharp tone, obeying the command, but not before saying goodbye to Louis. Anne did not, however, conceal her expression when she saw her son practically throw himself against Louis’ smaller frame.

The younger boy’s arms encircled Louis’ neck, squeezing tightly, and inhaling his scent deeply. “I had so much fun, thank you, Lou Lou.”

With an increased heartbeat and heating skin, Louis brushed his lips against Harry’s cheek tenderly. “You're so welcome, Hazzy.”

Louis felt dizzy from the exchange, feeling like at any moment he could wake up in his bedroom. Knowing they had an audience of one, he pulled back and brushed the curls away from the boy's face. Louis noticed the redness of Harry’s cheeks, displaying a beautiful shade.

He needed to go. Now.

“Alrighty Harold, Mummy Anne said to scurry off for dinner.” Mummy Anne?

A little confused at first, Harry eventually took his stuff and made his way into the house. Louis was not looking forward to this talk with “Mummy Anne.”

Twelve years never made a difference to Anne’s appearance; it convinced Louis that the woman never aged. The same shiny and dark chocolate hair fell below her shoulders, and her eyes still had the same little sparkle. The woman was beautiful, and no one ever doubted that both Gemma and Harry got their looks from her. No offense to Des, although he agreed with them.

Once the front door closed behind Harry, Anne turned her body to Louis, a questioning look already on her face. He wouldn't admit that he was nervous in front of her...okay he was nervous being in front of her.

“What's going on, Louis?”

“Nothing’s going on,” Louis lied, because there was something going, and she knew it.

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, indicating that Anne was aware that he was lying. Sure it had been twelve years since they'd last seen each other, but the woman had considered him a son for the first ten years of his short life. She knew Louis better than anybody else other than his own family.

Anne had tight worry lines around her eyes, giving away her concern, not used to Louis being standoffish around her. He was always a confident person, with no shame. She had admired his tendency to be self-assured. Unfortunately, she wasn't aware that that trait of his faded long ago, it departed soon after Harry did.

“Boobear?” Normally he'd be annoyed by the nickname, it was a name Lottie and Fizzy often made fun of him for, but he couldn't be upset when his mum or Anne said it. She was actually the person to first call him it, after seeing the little toddler play with Harry and his bear. Little Louis pretended that the bear was a ghost, and the “Booooooo” Louis’d echo made Harry laugh.

As much as Anne worried, Louis couldn't very well tell her about what he was going through mentally. It was inappropriate to have the image of the woman’s son plastered in his mind, wanting to do things he'd only done with people he fancied. Harry obviously was no way near ready to approach that, and Louis wasn't either. He was lying to himself.

“What do you think is going on?” He said instead, relaxing his body from its tense state.

“I didn't know Harry was so different with you,” she began. “He won't let me touch him; he flinches so hard whenever I try.” Louis would not cry.

“He's scared of Des, refuses to talk to him directly.”

Anne’s words left Louis breathless with the guilt he felt about Harry’s lack of comfort around his own family.

“But he just hugged you and let you kiss his cheek.” Her voice broke at the end, the catalyst for tears to let loose between the two. “I just want to cuddle my little boy.”

Without hesitation, Louis drew Anne in, murmuring sorry repeatedly because he felt that there wasn't anything else left to say. The fact that Louis had to comfort two members of the Styles family in less than twenty-four hours hit him hard. Even though Harry had the most pain inflicted on him, he couldn't forget that his family had suffered the twelve years as well. He lost a best mate, but they lost their blood, and that was more extreme, to say the least.

“He called me Lou Lou,” Louis then admitted, feeling Anne’s body freeze. “Said he has dreams of us as little kids. At first, he thought his mind made it up, but he gave details about things that actually happened. It was a memory.”

She kept quiet so he just concluded with, “Just give him some time. Our H is still in there, he's just scared to come out.”

\-----

Harry felt like he made a little bit of a breakthrough in the following therapy session. It had been a few days since he and Louis returned from London. In recent weeks, the leading topic happened to be activities he did with Louis, but Dr. Nolan suggested that they discuss his family.

A family was supposed to be the most essential part of someone’s life. They were a group of people who are connected by blood that are expected to love each other unconditionally. A person was expected to be completely comfortable with their family and have no fear of being judged. They were meant to be a person’s support system and always be there for them. They went above and beyond and would fight for each other.

So when Dr. Nolan brought up family and how much they mean to him, Harry’s mind went blank. He knew the meaning of family, he'd read it a million times throughout the years. That wasn't the problem. The problem was that he knew the definition of family and how they were supposed to be, yet he failed to understand why his “family” didn't fight hard enough for him nor why they stopped searching before he was found.

“They stopped looking for me, that's the only explanation for why I wasn't found for twelve years and had to escape,” he muttered, tugging on the ends of his hair.

“You think they didn't try hard enough?”

Harry solemnly nodded, answering her question. “If they did, they would've found me sooner.”

“Harry, you have to understand that there was only so much they could do. I can assure you that with the help of the police, they did try everything. That man hid you well and left no trace of you to be found. That's why they couldn't find you,” Dr. Nolan attempted to explain. “Maybe bringing in your parents and sister to talk about it will get you to see their perspective?”

“No,” Harry answered sternly, putting his foot down. “I can't talk to them, I can barely talk to you.”

Dr. Nolan scribbled God knows what in her notes before leaning forward. “They're your family, Harry. Whether you like it or not, they love you. The fact that they desperately want you to get help proves they do. It's okay to be scared, but trust me, opening up that wall and communicating with them, will change things. The key to most things is communication.”

Harry felt that he had the right to be stubborn, to stand his ground about this because he did not feel comfortable talking to his family. Which, it sounded so wrong, but he couldn't help feeling what he felt. It wasn't fair that he was expected to communicate with them when he had such animosity towards them.

“How about I make a deal with you?” Dr. Nolan continued. Once Harry nodded his head to say he was listening, she went on, “You've said that you're uncomfortable with talking to them, so what if I allow Louis to be in here as well to help?”

Dr. Nolan knew it wasn't necessarily right of her to bring in Louis since it seemed like Harry depended on him a lot. It's so difficult for a victim to be able to deal with life after the incident independently. It's comforting to know that there's somebody by their side, which was usually the family. In Harry’s case, it wasn't family, it was Louis. And with Louis’ support, Harry made a lot of progress already, so if he needed to be present for Harry to continue making strides forward, then so be it.

Harry thought about her compromise for a few seconds, debating whether he should agree to it or not. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was terrified to confess his feelings towards his family and have to see and hear their reactions. It would open up wounds he had when in there, pleading to anybody for this family that he supposedly had, but didn't recall, to find him. He remembered crying many times, often getting physically punished until he passed out for making noises. Harry felt that opening up those wounds would cause him to panic.

With Louis present, however, for some reason, he was capable of feeling braver than when alone. Cracking his knuckles, Harry ultimately agreed, feeling his stomach sink with apprehension.

That night Harry laid on top of his made bed, phone in hand and against his ear. His dark grey joggers clung to his legs, and it was quite warm in his room, so he decided to skip wearing a t-shirt. His freshly clean and damp hair was drying slowly after his late-night shower, still making his pillow wet underneath.

“So I went to my session today,” Harry said into the phone.

He heard rustling on the other line, most likely Louis getting comfortable before he spoke. “Oh yeah? How'd did it go?”

“I told her about how I feel about my parents. She was trying to get me to see that they really do care.”

Louis sighed, throwing the blankets off his body, the crickets outside making their presence known. “Hazzy, Anne and Des do care. They're your parents, of course, they love you. But tell me, what did the therapist suggest?”

“That I bring them in for a session, so we can start communicating.” Harry turned onto his side, shutting off the bedside lamp and closing his eyes in relaxation. Luckily the moon decided to be extra bright that night, irradiating many aspects of Harry’s room for him to be comfortable to sleep with later on.

“That's great, Haz! I think that's a good idea, getting them to understand, so they can help you when you need it,” Louis told him.

But he had Louis whenever he needed someone. “But I have you.”

Harry’s met with silence. It made him worry that he'd said something wrong that Louis didn't like. “I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing, I-”

“No, Harry, stop. You didn't say anything wrong.”

What the boy didn't know was that Louis was blushing feverishly, manly butterflies threatening to escape his tummy. The temperature of his body increased, and his smile couldn't be wiped off his face. Louis tilted his head back to look at the ceiling in pure happiness. It felt amazing to have Harry trust him enough to rely on him as he was concerned that Harry would have closed himself off to everybody.

Man, it didn't take long for Louis to adore his Harry all over again.

“Lou Lou?” _Stop, I can't breathe anymore. Why do you have this effect on me?_

“I'm here, and like I've told you so many times, you can count on me. I'm happy I can be that person that you can rely on, but maybe you should give Anne and Des a chance as well.”

“Dr. Nolan said that if I want, I could also have you there,” Harry informed him softly.

Dr. Nolan apparently knew of Louis’ existence, which meant they had to have talked about him. That made Louis squirm, he was a huge ball of emotions, and he didn't know how he was going to be able to make it.

“As support? Or do you have to confess some things to me as well?” Louis asked.

Harry chuckled as he replied. “Louis, don't you get that I'm much better when you're there? Do I have to make a huge sign and take it out whenever you have doubts? Or pay to have to have it written in the sky?”

“I wouldn't mind that, it'd boost my ego,” Louis teased.

“As if you need it boosted any more.”

That might have been true in the past; Louis had a natural confidence to him that many envied. The only person that matched it was probably Zayn, Louis would argue to say that he had a bigger ego. Usually, they playfully bicker about it with Liam as the middleman, but he always sided with Zayn. That's what lovers do to you. They were so biased.

But there was a way that Harry made Louis almost feel helpless sometimes, he'd lose control emotionally. It was quite the roller coaster ride in his mind: it often felt powerful and strong, but it could quickly transition to him feeling the complete opposite. It usually came when Harry himself felt low and was struggling. It was like Louis momentarily fed off of that energy, not knowing the right way to help Harry. Eventually, he'd suck it up, toss it away, and comfort him, but it was the guilt that ate away at him.

With that being said, Louis was a little up and down. Whenever he felt a low confidence, he had learned to mask it well.

“I'll have you know that I'm pretty level-headed nowadays,” Louis proclaimed.

“Sure, Lou Lou,” Harry giggled. “But...do you mind coming?”

Now was not the time to make innuendos, Louis William. Have some damn control.

“As if I could say no to you,” Louis cooed, glancing over at a picture that had been placed by his bedside for several years. It was there even before Harry was taken. The two smiling little lads on their first day of school stared right at Louis, warming his heart with their innocence, missing it.

Harry yawned, which didn't go unnoticed by Louis. When looking over, Louis realized that it was a bit past two in the morning. His kids were not going to enjoy grumpy Mr. Tommo the next day, but staying up with Harry was worth it. His kids would just have to deal with it.

“Sleepy, Hazzy?”

“Just a bit, but I don't want to hang up,” Harry confessed, yawning once again. “Don't want to dream about that.”

Hearing that urged Louis to grab his keys and drive over there, a bit irrational yes, but leave him alone. Knowing full well that he couldn't just spontaneously show up at Harry’s house, Louis proposed an alternative.

“Do you want to fall asleep on the phone with me?” Louis whispered.

“Please?” Harry breathed out, like the idea. He reached over to grab his headphones, connected them to the phone, and placing them in his little ears, which don't see the light of day because of his long hair.

Once he got into a sleeping position that wasn't cramped, he told Louis he was good to go.

“Comfy?”

“Yeah,” Harry answered. “I just hate the silence.”

Unbeknownst to him, Harry was always on alert, practically waiting for an odd noise to be heard that could potentially endanger him. Every sound that's made, had the boy in a panic, freezing his body, and expecting the worse to occur. So, silence was practically his worse nightmare. Mostly thanks to music, he was able to avoid it most of the time.

He smiled at Louis’ next words. “What can I do?”

“Can you just talk? Tell me a story or something. I like hearing your voice.”

Louis was not smug, he was not.

Eventually, he went on a bit of a tangent about some of the trouble that they would get into as kids. They were funny really because they were convinced they wouldn't get caught, but their mums had a sixth sense for those things. Every time, they found out and every time their punishment was to be apart for a certain number of days. That hurt them more than taking away telly privileges or their toys.

As Louis paused in the middle of a story about the time they attempted to hide a frog in Harry’s home, he listened to the soft snores and the steady breathing coming from Harry. Louis took that as his queue to end it for the night, fluffing his pillows just the way he liked them.

Instead of hanging up, he chose to just stay on the line, wanting to fall asleep to the sounds of Harry’s snores and his quiet wheezing from his mouth. Of course, being the weirdo that he was, Louis was endeared by it and by the boy in general.

He felt like it was time to have a little conversation with Liam about his feelings for Harry. He needed advice and a bit of guidance to help him as he figured everything out. In another life, Louis would've acted upon his emotions with no holds barred. But he needed to be cautious and practical about it, since Harry was no way in a position to do whatever Louis desired.

He was in trouble, and even his mum wouldn't be able to keep him away from his Hazzy as punishment.

“Goodnight, H.”


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always tell me what you think!
> 
> just a reminder, i'm louiesunshine on tumblr :)
> 
> enjoy!

Louis was on his way to getting pissed.

Due to recent events, it seemed like whenever Liam and he met up, they had to include alcohol as their third party.

Some of the most popular mainstream music blared throughout the pub, blending with the loud conversations amongst people. Liam and Louis occupied a booth at the far end of the place, giving them some much-needed privacy. Normally Louis didn't mind rubbing elbows with strangers, it sparked up weird and spontaneous dialogue, but he planned to be serious tonight with Liam. It's unfortunate that he needed a little liquid courage in order to express his feelings aloud.

With a fruity drink in hand, Louis played with the rim of the glass, stalling starting to explain himself to Liam. Luckily Liam noticed his reluctance and steered away from the upcoming discussion momentarily.

“Zayn called last night.”

It was safe to say that if Louis had taken a sip of his drink when Liam dropped the bomb, there would've been a replica of what Liam did to Louis when he brought up Harry for the first time: drink spat everywhere.

Attempting to wrap his head around the shocking news, he pushed his drink aside, folded his arms, and leaned forward against the table. “Start the story.”

Liam let out a puff of air, looking down at his hands as he tried to find the right place to even begin. “A really good friend of his passed away, and he needed someone to talk to,” he spoke lowly.

“The fucking nerve he has. Why doesn't he find comfort from that tramp he ran off with, huh?”

“Louis,” Liam hissed, looking around to make sure no one heard.

The Liam and Zayn saga was very difficult to explain to an outsider, it would take decades to fully understand. Like Harry and Louis, Zayn and Liam were childhood best friends, inseparable to the point of getting emotional when apart. Long story short and simple: when they were teenagers, they mutually began developing feelings for each other that were more than platonic.

For the next four or five years - Louis wasn't counting - and well into uni, the two lovebirds were in the disgusting honeymoon phase. They decided rationally that it would be easier to live together when going to school, rather than paying rent for two separate flats. For the most part, anybody from the outside world would have assumed that their relationship was great, but apparently, it wasn't.

As Liam told Louis later on, he and Zayn began to bicker pretty often. Of course, Louis noticed the change in dynamic between the two; from sunshine and rainbows to tension and uncertainty on Zayn’s side. Suddenly, things were grand again, both all smiles and loved up. They were great to the point that Liam confided in Louis that he bought a ring for Zayn and was set on proposing.

He planned everything in great detail, in Zayn fashion, including his favorite things. Louis had thought it was genius and Zayn was for sure going to love it and undoubtedly say yes. On the day the proposal was supposed to take place, Louis patiently waited for the call to head to Liam and Zayn’s place to celebrate.

When he finally heard his phone go off, he flew across the sofa and eventually tumbled off and fell on the hardwood floor. With a developing bruise all along his left side, Louis swiped to answer the call.

“The wedding rings are ringing! I call best man for both of you!”

“Louis,” Liam had croaked, and that's when things drastically changed. Apparently, as Liam finished his romantic gesture and popped the question, Zayn admitted to developing romantic feelings for a co-worker while she mutually felt the same. They had been working with each other for a while and even hung out with him and Liam outside of work.

Safe to say instead of Zayn saying yes and continuing to feel the way he did behind Liam’s back, he declined his proposal and decided to move out. Not even a month later and after communicating with neither Liam nor Louis during that time, he came back to reveal that he'd be moving to the states with said co-worker.

For the past year or so, Zayn no longer existed in their lives, Liam demanding that Louis not speak of him. It pained Louis to see one of his best mates heartbroken when he had been certain that the two were a forever kind of thing.

Now apparently Zayn finally reached out, shocking both Louis and Liam.

More composed after calling for shots of whatever the bartender chose and taking a deep breath, “So what happened?”

“So much,” Liam shook his head, still gathering his thoughts. “He cried and cried, talking about life being too short and that he made a mistake. It took his friend passing suddenly for him to realize that.”

“The mistake being?” Louis pressed.

“Leaving me.”

That enraged Louis, Liam didn't deserve to be put through this emotional roller coaster. Zayn didn't know what he left behind; he left Liam broken and alone for Louis to pick up. Of course, Louis didn't mind, Liam did the same whenever he was down, especially in regards to Harry.

But what Louis found unacceptable was that Zayn thought it was appropriate to bounce back out of nowhere to invade their lives again. It wasn't fair to Liam to force him to begin to move on and mend what little of his heart that Zayn left and then just come back. It's unfortunate that Zayn lost a friend, it's a terrible thing obviously, but to drag Liam back with one phone call? It wasn't okay with Louis.

The bartender came at the appropriate time with that shot glasses filled with the dark and hopefully really strong liquor. Liam and Louis gave their thanks, immediately taking the glasses and throwing their heads back to drink. They welcomed the burning sensation down their throats, eyes squinting with how strong the whiskey was. Extra tip for the bartender for picking the right drink, because damn Louis’ going to be feeling it soon enough. Thank the Lord.

“Lemme guess, you stayed on the phone with him?” Louis assumed, fixing his fringe. 

Liam’s guilty expression gave him his answer. “What was I supposed to do, Lou? He was _sobbing,_ I didn't have the heart to just hang up when he needed me.”

“Oh Liam, you still love him, don't you?” Louis asked, almost appalled.

“It's only been a year, shithead. You can't expect me to be completely over the guy. I _proposed_ to him, I wanted him to be my _partner_ for life, of course, I still love him.” Louis had to hand it to him, Liam was defending himself, which he rarely did.

Ultimately, it was Liam’s life, and Louis had no say in what he wanted or chose to do. Overall, Liam had a huge heart and it was expected of him to allow Zayn to lean on him at desperate times. They'd been in each other's lives for practically two decades, Liam wouldn't be able to turn away so easily, if at all.

“Anyway, he broke up with Bridget awhile ago. He's been working like crazy, saving up money to come back for good.”

“And you're okay with that?” Louis wondered.

Liam smiled softly. “He's the one, Lou. Obviously, things aren't going to go back like before so quickly, but I feel like there's a reason he's come back into my life.”

As it's clear to see, Liam was a firm believer in fate and having Zayn randomly appear “proved” that.

“You're going to help him,” Louis stated, not even having to ask.

Liam confirmed that.

They discussed the Zayn situation a little while longer, Liam filling Louis in on the details of their third musketeer’s life in the past year. Liam’s fond face never faded. He was just as gone for him as he was before. It was as if he had a sixth sense about him and knew he'd come back to him.

Louis always believed their dynamic and relationship was odd and unexplainable.

Eventually, they got into the topic that brought them together in the first place this evening.

_Harry._

“So, how was London with Harry?” Liam had spoken first, looking at the menu to order some food to fill their stomachs. With all the alcohol they consumed, food was needed to help prevent them from being completely belligerent.

Heart eyeing the chicken tenders, Louis hummed. “It was great, Li. You should've seen Harry, he was so happy. He loved the camera I got him, and he was taking pictures of everything. We went to this seafood restaurant that had great reviews, and he was slightly scared at first, but he ended up wanting more crab legs. It was adorable seeing him cracking them open. Then we went to different parks and-”

“ _Louis_.”

When Liam called his name, Louis’ hands froze in midair, making his blabbering come to an abrupt stop. He closed his mouth and pouted a little like a little child being scolded by their parent. “Too much?”

Liam shook his head. “No, just slow down,” he laughed.

“Okay,” Louis crouched, realizing he probably looked like a lovestruck fool. “It was a good time, like amazing. During the day we forgot about all the bullshit, he smiled so much. His beautiful smile with those dimples…”

“Louis.” This time, Liam’s tone was cautious and confused, different than before. “You want to tell me something?”

“It's wrong,” he mumbled after a few moments. Liam gave him a reassuring smile, encouraging his mate to keep going, conveying to him that it was alright and that what he felt wasn't wrong. “It's wrong for me to begin to fall for my best friend, right?”

Liam sighed, perplexed by the question because wasn't it clear as to how he felt. “I fell for mine?”

“No Liam, this is different,” Louis began to slur, but then cheered when the waiter came with their food. “I can't have what you had with Zayn, with Harry. I just can't.”

The frustration built up in Louis was being taken out on the poor chicken tenders. He angrily dipped the greasy food into the ranch and then the barbecue sauce, then shoved it into his mouth. _Hehe._

Louis was drunk and horny. The worst combination when single and lonely.

“Don't take it out on the poor chicken,” Liam teased, biting into his club sandwich. “Anyways, I don't see why you can't.”

Louis licked the ranch and barbecue off his fingers. “Did you forget about what Harry just went through? He can't have a romantic relationship with me, hell, with anyone, right now. I won't be able to just kiss him whenever I want to, or hold his hand. I can't touch him, it'd mortify him. That's just physically, imagine mentally?” He lowered his voice, the alcohol getting the best of his emotions. “If things were different, maybe. He's just _so_ amazing when he's not stressing about anything and insanely smart. And _fuck_ , Liam, sometimes I can't stop looking at him because he's stunning.”

Throughout the whole speech, Louis kept his head down to avoid Liam’s gaze. He missed Liam’s huge smirk and knowing look.

“You're fucked.”

“I know,” Louis laughed. “He shouldn't be thinking about that though. I don't even know if he's gay. Like, he just needs to focus on his mental health and conquering his past. You know what I mean?”

Liam agreed. “Of course, and I think you're right. I'm sorry, it's just the wrong time?”

_Would there ever be a right time, though?_

**\-----**

Harry was terrified.

He had become accustomed to Dr. Nolan’s room being occupied with just the two of them. He liked having the sofa to himself and having his therapist a good space away in her own chair. Today was different however, he felt claustrophobic with the number of people filling the space.

Three chairs were added, and along with Dr. Nolan’s big and mighty chair and the sofa, everyone sat in a circle. Des, Anne, and Gemma occupied the three additional seats, while Louis carefully placed his smaller body close to Harry’s, per the younger boy’s request.

“Alright?” Dr. Nolan clapped. “We have a full room today which is great. First off, I think it's important for Harry to know that we all are support him, right?”

Everyone in the room nodded firmly, Louis reaching over and patting Harry’s thigh. “Absolutely,” he murmured.

If Harry were a little calmer and relaxed, he’d smile, but he was too tense to make any sudden movement. He kept wiping his hands on his new black skinnies to get rid of the sweat.

Des recently suggested that Louis take Harry to the shops to buy a whole new wardrobe, and they went pretty nuts with his credit card.

“So we are on the same page then, which is truly essential because this isn't easy work. What Harry needs to comprehend is that this adjustment will be a lifelong process.”

She was making it difficult for Harry to even have hope at that point, dimming the light at the end of the tunnel. He had a goal to get through the darkness, escaping _him_ was the first big step, now the reality was the next. He didn't want to accept the fact that he'd have to endure it for the rest of his life.

The bastard ruined Harry’s life, he'd never be okay again, and it's worse that he didn't remember a time when things were.

“Harry?”

He snapped out of his thoughts and paid attention to his therapist. “Harry, why don't you begin our discussion. Tell everybody what you're feeling.” _How about not._

“Um…” Harry started, his throat closing up with all the eyes on him. The Styles’ family and Louis remembered a time when their H wasn't afraid to speak his mind. It saddened them that he's so hesitant to utter a word, well, except to Louis.

Shyly, Gemma raised her hand. “I just want to say, before you tell us anything, that we love you. We always have and always will. We never stopped, you were always in our hearts. So you don't need to be timid with us.” Impressed with their daughter, Anne and Des voiced their agreement.

“Easier said than done,” Harry whispered, looking up at Dr. Nolan. “Can you?”

“Harry, they have to know what you feel, coming from you, Louis answered instead. “You can take your time, no one's rushing you. I'm right here, it's okay.”

 _I'm right here_. Everything was okay when Harry’s sunshine was around, that's what he told Louis. And so far, from the few months, they've spent time together, things were alright. Harry felt so lucky to have Louis there to help guide and comfort him when needed. That's why he took a deep breath and continued talking.

For the next several minutes, Harry expressed his emotions, both when being held hostage and currently. He revealed similar things that he explained to Dr. Nolan and Louis about how he felt about his parents not fighting hard enough to find him. When years passed without returning back to his family, not only did his memories of them fade, but so did his hope that he was even loved by them. He wasn’t feeling their unconditional love, like he once was. Every day it was being taken over by the dirty and disgusting sensation that consumed him when he was held hostage.

He continued to convey how alone he felt in his own “ _home_ ” as if he was still _there._ He was just beginning to get comfortable in his bedroom and was nowhere near that feeling in the rest of the home.

He was filled with guilt, seeing his parents and Gemma cry over the way he’s been feeling. Although they anticipated Harry needing time to adapt to real life, they had no idea he felt completely alone there.

 _Crying meant that they cared, right?_ Harry thought, he paused for a second and whispered his question into Louis’ ear.

“Yeah, love. It hurts them that you feel that way because they love you and want you to feel safe and comfortable. I told you, silly,” the sea blue eyed man whispered back. “By the way, I'm so proud of you.”

His cheeks heated up, as they always did when Louis praised him.

“Um, I'm sorry though,” he told his family. “This feeling isn't something I can control, that's what Louis says, and it makes sense.”

“We didn't know,” Des sniffled, redness surrounding his darker eyes. “Dr. Nolan, what can we do to help him?”

“You listen to him, be patient, and avoid negativity. Focus on his freedom and build a routine with him,” she answered. “That's working for you and Louis, right Harry?”

He answered her question with the raising and lowering of his head. “We made a list of things I want to experience. I like those. He listens to me, and even though he doesn't entirely understand how I feel, he tries his best.”

He looked over at Louis, giving him a grin that was just between them. He finished with, “Thank you for that.”

_Louis would not cry._

“I figured it'd help if we did things that he looked forward to, that it would take his mind off of the bad things,” Louis said, refusing to look away. Oh did Louis crave the taste of his lips, Harry clearly licked them because they shone. The poor man had to get himself together, he was in front of Harry’s parents, sister and therapist for God’s sake.

“May I suggest that you allow Harry to do a few of those things on that list with his parents?” Dr. Nolan piped up, displaying an encouraging expression.

**\-----**

There was a woman suffering through depression after the sudden passing of her parents, her story was the one of the first Harry remembered reading. She documented her journey through the world, taking hikes on these well known mountains, jotting down her emotions as she lived through her depression.

Her journey inspired Harry to write down _hiking_ on his lists of activities he needed to do. His parents and sister jumped at the opportunity, which determined their destination, minus Louis.

He wasn't physically with them, but Harry discreetly texted him on their way there.

‘ _I'm actually glad I'm not there, I wouldn't last a mile before rolling back down the hill,’_ Louis texted.

Harry giggled, moving his fingers rapidly on the screen to reply. _‘I would have to push you, wouldn’t I?’_

_‘I’d like to see you push this fat arse of mine.’_

The need to slap himself the hardest he can overcame him  due to the text he sent to Harry. He tried to behave himself, but he's such a natural flirt that it comes out without warning. _Hehe._

Louis was sober and horny. The worst combination when single and lonely.

He dreaded waiting for the response, and of course, Harry decided to take his sweet time in conducting his reply. Fortunately, Louis had time, his kids were at the cafeteria for lunchtime, then they’d have a recess to get out all of their energy. The afternoon was the worst Louis felt because by that time the students were half asleep and contemplating whether or not to stab Mr. Tommo with a pencil.

Eventually, the phone vibrated, the device lighting up with Harry’s name on iMessage. 

_‘I do need to build some muscle, maybe I should try?’_

Did the beautiful frog face have the desire to kill Louis? He was on his way there easily. The mere thought of Harry using his arms and big hands to push the junk he called his arse in general interested a certain body part of Louis’.

He couldn't decide if the fact he had new material in his wank bank was good or not. 

Anyway.

Louis’ response would go unread as the Styles clan arrived at their destination. Since they lived in the middle of nowhere and had to drive far to find a decent place, it took a few hours to arrive at a medium sized hill to hike up. Gemma researched the place and happily informed them that there was a trail, so it'd be simple for them to know where they'd be going in order to reach the top.

Because the foursome didn't “ _train_ ” for this hike, Gemma chose a place that didn't require much preparation. Harry was excited either way.

Cellular devices were left in the car, as electronics were not allowed. Well, with the exception of Des’ in case of an emergency. It was Anne’s idea, without electronics as a distraction it would give them the chance to talk amongst themselves.

All geared up, looking as if the Nike store threw up on them, the family got their waters, Harry’s camera and began their walk.

The gritty dirt and rocks crunched beneath their shoes, the birds singing above them. Taking the camera out of the bag, Harry was amazed by the stunning scenery of pure nature, it was too good to not capture.

He was able to get a great moment of a dark yet colorful bird. It's tail, wings, and back were a steel blue with a lighter shade of blue on the majority of its face. A darker tone of caramel splashed on the middle of its face, while the underside of its body was a faint tan with spots of white. Harry had to stop walking, wanting more than just one picture of the bird.

He frowned when the bird eventually flew away, but at least Harry had some great shots. Des turned and made his way over to his son, who was looking through the images.

“What a beauty,” he cooed, his stomach dropping when Harry’s body tensed up from his voice. “Um, do you know what kind of bird that is?”

Harry murmured with his head down, “no.”

“It's a barn swallow, a male because his colors are so bold. I think it's fate that you were able to see him.”

“Why?” His son wondered.

Des’ face lit up at the simple question. “It has a lot of meanings: warmth, home, and protection.”

Harry was in awe of that piece of information, believing his father when he proposed that maybe seeing the bird was fate.

“They also symbolize hope,” Anne chimed in, wrapping her arms around Des’ waist. Smiles all around, Harry’s the brightest of all, filled everybody’s heart with utter bliss. The boy couldn't wait to tell Louis about his discovery later that night.

 _Hope_. Something Harry craved to maintain.

The mood shifted after their encounter with the barn swallow, in a positive manner. Harry kept up his parents and Gemma, occasionally adding to their conversations. For the most part, they hiked in silence, which Harry appreciated.

It gave him an opportunity to be with his thoughts and relax. He found it to be similar to what people defined meditation as: a moment of reflection. Fear filled his mind, he was fearful of practically everything, and rightfully so, considering. Primarily, it was the fear of leaving the four walls of his bedroom and going into the outside world because he'd be at risk of being found by _him._

He felt like he could never see himself belonging somewhere. Harry feared he'd forever be the odd man out in a room filled with people. He didn't want to feel like he was at the end of a tunnel, but would never be able to reach the light on the outside. Technically, he had physically, but emotionally? He's so far back.

The fright of climbing the mountain didn't quite compete for his other fears, but Harry began to feel accomplished the closer they got to the peak. That sensation was minimal compared to how amazing it would feel to conquer the bigger obstacles, and this barrier made him desire reaching his goal even more.

It was eight in the morning when they first walked through the trail, and it was around eleven when Harry laid eyes on the second most beautiful view he'd ever seen.

Different shades of green scattered across the landscape scenery, trees of different sizes stood proudly. Little specks of roofs of houses in the villages could be spotted, looking so miniature from how high up they were. The bird’s-eye-view gave Harry and his family a perspective that many don't get to witness.

Due to the fact that Harry pulled back his hair with a jade green scarf, the crisp air hit the back of his exposed neck, raising goosebumps along his body. The view had him frozen in place, not even allowing him to move to pull out his camera.

It was a similar feeling to when Louis took him to that small beach, it just overwhelmed him enough to stay speechless.

“Honey, this is amazing,” Anne breathed in awe and disbelief. A sensation in the pit of his stomach didn't go unnoticed, but Harry couldn't identify it either.

“Well I'm proud of us,” Des announced, a proud expression on his face. “And I think we should thank Harry for letting us do this with him.”

Gemma and Anne looked over and happily gave their thanks to Harry, the tips of his ears heated up as a response. Their genuineness made him question his previous thoughts about their apparent lack of love for him because joining him today validated their support.

Back at their home, Harry had absentmindedly avoided directly looking at their faces, for reasons unknown to him. At the mountaintop, surrounded by nature, feeling so accomplished and at peace, he lifted his head.

He didn't know why he never realized it before: how much he looked like each member of his family. For the longest time, Harry didn't have the chance to look at his reflection. It wasn't until he'd escaped that he knew what he truly grew up to look like. Since he had been back, he'd taken lots of time in front of a mirror, learning details of his facial structure, expressions, and everything else. He learned and remembered after seeing his parents and Gemma again that they shared many physical attributes.

They were his _blood_ , his _family,_ and that wouldn't ever change.

They took time out of their day to hike with him; they pushed their responsibilities aside for a day and joined him. Harry appreciated Louis _so_ much and everything he had been doing for him and his daily struggles, but he began thinking that he needed his family as well.

Of course, he was still hurt, and Harry didn't expect it to ever go away, and the only way it would was if the memory of the traumatic experience was erased.

With that being said, their effort was clear to him. They were trying to help him, and Harry had to suck it up and let them. No matter what happened, he knew that Louis would be there anyway. And many supporters were better than no supporters, to be honest.

As he looked across the topography from the high elevation, Harry came up with an idea.

“Can we just sit here, and let me get to know you three again? Tell me stories from before?”

Des and Gemma beamed while Anne was close to tears, indicating how happy and excited they were to have Harry ask about his childhood. It was a step forward.

Everything was going to be alright.

**\-----**

Louis was _not_ alright.

Things were getting out of hand, and it resulted in him slowly distancing himself from Harry, which broke him. When Harry returned from his hike with his family, the boy gushed about how amazing it was, and it made him reflect on many things in his life.

Louis had been ecstatic when Harry mentioned opening himself to receiving help and guidance from his family. It wasn't that Louis disliked being there for Harry, he loved it and felt completely honored, but as time progressed, so did his feelings for him. It was a true dilemma-every time that Harry was in close proximity, Louis had to have his hands on him in some way.

Obviously, the touches were not ones that made Harry uncomfortable since he never voiced them, and Louis would always ask if it was okay.

They left Louis needing _more_ , and that wasn't appropriate. With instant regret but necessity, he delayed responding to Harry’s text messages and failed to answer his calls. He thought about the younger lad all day everyday, it wasn't in his control anymore. Harry needed to focus on learning to live with the aftermath, not on silly ole Louis.

The twenty-one year old tried to rack up potential distractions: volunteer work, the gym, the city football team ( _yes_ ), or dating someone else that didn't own the prettiest green eyes he'd ever seen.

Yeah, he couldn't do the last one.

It wasn't until Liam showed up unexpectedly to his flat one night that he got a small distraction because he didn't show up alone.

“ _Zayn?_ ”

**\-----**

With the decision being between a bitch slap, a punch to the abdomen, or a punch to his reproductive body parts, Louis ended up throwing his _expensive_ wine at Zayn’s face instead.

Zayn impressed both Louis and Liam when he quietly took it and just asked if he could use the bathroom to clean himself. While Zayn did so the door closed, Louis opened it unannounced and threw one of his random shirts to him and left without saying a word.

Three bottles of beer were placed on the coffee table, waiting to be popped open and drank. There was no denying the hostility in the flat, just from Louis alone. Clearly Liam had made peace with it, while Zayn was just nervous because he knew what an angry Tomlinson was like, and they were advised to be avoided at all costs.

Liam and Louis patiently waited for the third party, Louis intertwining his fingers on his lap. He straightened his posture and made his facial expression absolutely serious and stone cold. Liam on the other hand was apprehensive, biting his nail with dread for what was to come. There was no telling with _the Tommo._

Zayn entered the room, cautiously stepping to Liam’s side. He grabbed the last beer, pulled out his bottle opener from his set of keys to detach the cork and take a long chug. With a deep sigh, he lowered the bottle to his lap and dared to look at Louis.

Silence filled the room, tension at an all time high. Louis and Zayn stared each other down, unwilling to speak first. Louis wanted nothing more than to grill him, let him know how much he hurt Liam. He wanted Zayn to feel so guilty that he'd leave again, leaving no risk of inflicting the same pain on his best mate again. Louis wanted to fight dirty because that's what Zayn deserved.

“Lou-”

“You don't get to call me that, only my mates do,” Louis hissed.

Zayn’s face fell, turning to Liam with disappointment then back to Louis. “I don't know if Liam explained to you….”

“Oh he explained alright,” Louis snarled. “He explained how you stupidly decided to run back into his arms after everything _you_ put him through.”

Liam was quick to argue. “Louis, you don't know what we've had. You don't understand it.”

“What I _do_ know is that I was there every fucking day and night when you sobbed in my arms, Liam. _He_ did that,” Louis pointed to Zayn, redirecting his attention to him. “He was broken and you think you have the right to waltz back in as if you didn't ruin your relationship?”

Zayn clenched his jaw, his anger increasing the more Louis spoke. “I couldn't control the feelings I was having for Bridget. It would've been wrong of me to accept his proposal when I wasn't one hundred percent in it.”

Louis had the urge to hit Zayn, and the near shattered emotion coming from Liam was enough to convince him to do it.

“I regret it, okay? I hated America. I only had a couple good mates there. Other than that I was miserable. All I wanted was to come back _home_ ,” Zayn continued on. “Bridget was so different- cheating on me every chance she got and taking my well earned money.”

“You deserve it,” Louis muttered, not meaning it, but he wouldn't admit that out loud.

“Fuck you, Louis,” Liam said.

“It's okay Li,” Zayn murmured softly, taking his hand and squeezing it gently with a small smile. “I did deserve it. I left the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you.”

Louis couldn't deny Zayn’s sincere tone, his voice so tender and low. It was his Liam voice, which conveyed his love.

He wondered if he had a Harry voice. _Nah._

“You're still gross,” Louis stated.

“You're still jealous,” Zayn smirked, slowly feeling more at ease.

Liam snorted. “Actually, ask him who his boy is.”

Louis reached behind him, grabbing a throw pillow, aiming it at Liam. “Shut up.”

“Who?” Zayn asked, curious.

“Shut up, I'm still angry with you. Get out of my flat.”

Zayn knew Louis wasn't serious, due to the smile that that he was fighting, tempted to display it. Things weren't going to be exactly how they were, but he hoped that their years of history would help rebuild their friendship. Louis, on the other hand, was thinking too much about Liam calling Harry his boy to focus on anything else for the rest of the night.

It had a nice ring to it: _his boy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love ziam k bye


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I should begin with apologizing for taking more than a month to update this story. Long story short, I took a summer class that was a bit demanding, so I focused on that. Then I had a little bit of writer's block which sucked. Luckily, I got through it and I made this chapter longer than usual to make up for it. 
> 
> I want to seriously thank my wonderful beta [Natty](http://louisfringe.tumblr.com) for working her butt off to edit this chapter and the previous chapters, which I still need to repost. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter and please tell me what you think!

Shockingly, Harry’s current location was neither his bedroom, home, nor Louis’ flat. He was out of the house and not with Louis or his family.

“I recommend one of everything.”

Niall grinned up at the food menu, making heart eyes at each meal. He seemed troubled as he deliberated what he should order. He was actually contemplating getting one of everything for himself.

“I'll pass,” Harry muttered, eyeing the plates the waiters carried.

The blond made a noise of approval, making him step up to the employee. “One of everything, please.”

“Really?” The woman asked, a bewildered look on her face.

“Nah, I want the bacon cheeseburger, and he’ll have a chicken sandwich,” Niall pointed to Harry.

The two found themselves a table where they could devour their food. The table was still covered in crumbs from its previous occupants, so Harry took a napkin and wiped them off before he took his seat.

The smell of greasy food with the noisy callings of each order dispersed throughout the establishment; the place seemed busy. Harry kept to himself while Niall went back to the front to pick up their meals, pulling the beanie off his head as it was getting a bit stuffy in the place.

As he fixed his hair, he made a mental note to look for more headscarves to buy. Much to his delight, his hair was getting a lot longer and he absolutely loved it.

It worried Harry that the man wasn't replying to his texts nor answering his calls, making him question if Louis had gotten tired of him already. He'd have to ask Louis where he could purchase some more headscarves, he'd see if he even received a response. It had been so long since he had last left the house that he was compelled to ask Niall to hang out for a bit. He didn't want to put much thought into why he hadn’t left the house since there could be several reasons as to why he'd been missing in action.

Harry brushed off his worries and listened to Niall ramble about his favorite music and instruments. He then went off the rails and began retelling funny stories about being with his mates while being under the influence of multiple illegal substances. It was only once Niall began to recount the time he chased a live chicken that Harry put a stop to his ranting and threatened to get a muzzle.                          

“I’m lucky to be alive today to tell the tale, Curly Sue. So stop ruining it,” Niall whined.

“Then you should go tell your mum your boring stories,” Harry suggested, smirking with amusement at Niall’s offended expression.

Niall simply ignored the suggestion and continued to blab as Harry glanced out the window that looked onto the street. Cars drove by, people minded their own as they walked. They didn't catch Harry’s attention however, it was the spine-chilling man leaning against a wall across the street that did.

The height of the man _,_ as well as a dark scruffy beard, matched _his_  made Harry’s skin crawl with disgust. He narrowed his eyes to get a better look, which was a little difficult with the distance between them. Luckily, the man wasn't facing Harry, only presenting his profile to the boy for him to inspect.

He spoke too soon, he realized, as the man turned his body, letting Harry get a clearer look. It wasn’t _him,_ Harry soon realized. The thing was, Harry was  _so_ convinced that it was _him_. He assumed his heart would stop, lungs would collapse, and his body would give out and deteriorate right there.

As much as the young lad wanted to move past the trauma and continue completing the activities off the list he made, the fact of the matter was _he_ was still out there. _He_ roamed the streets either looking for Harry or hunting for his next victim. It never occurred to Harry how easily it would be for him to be found once again.

For that reason alone, Harry suggested that he and Niall go to his house instead. After convincing the Irish lad with the promise of a new PlayStation his parents bought and have yet to open, the two quickly finished their food and made their way to the Styles’ home.

The distance between where they were and Harry's house wasn’t lengthy thankfully, so it didn't take long for the boys to arrive.

“It's me,” Harry called out to no one in particular, sliding off his shoes. Out of common courtesy, Niall repeated Harry’s actions and waited to be guided towards the game counsel.

A third set of footsteps could be heard in the distance, making Harry turn. It ended up being his father, who looked utterly confused with Harry’s guest.

“H, who's your mate?” Des asked.

Niall stepped forward with his hand out. “‘m Niall, nice to meet you, sir.”

“Des, Harry’s father. How did you two meet?”

Harry stepped in to answer. “He works at a deli by Louis’ school. I met him there and we just kept talking.”

As much as Des was glad to see Harry begin to socialize, he couldn’t help but struggle with it as well. He was hesitant to just let his son go off on his own, making friends and stepping into independence, while he wants so badly to just keep him close and safe.

However, Des had to allow it to happen, so he let the boys carry on to Harry’s bedroom. Harry was unaware of his father smiling, happy that his son was making visible progress. It progressed, and he couldn't wait to tell his wife.

With no discretion, Niall took a look at Harry’s bedroom, admiring the small things he had laid or hung around. He couldn't help but notice the lack of recent pictures, the few he saw were of  Harry when he was younger.

“So, do you not enjoy taking pictures?” Niall wondered, looking at Harry’s book collection that he had just started.

Harry tilted his head, “What makes you say that?”

“I mean, you don't have many pictures to begin with, but the ones you do have are only of you as a child,” he pointed out. “And is that Louis?”

“Yeah,” Harry answered. “Yeah, that's Louis.”

Niall hummed, inspecting the picture further and smiling at the silly faces both Louis and Harry had pulled. “You lads have been friends for a while, yeah?”

Harry nodded as he turned on the TV to get the PlayStation started with FIFA. “Since I was born apparently.”

“Apparently?”

 _That's right_ , Harry thought. _Niall didn't know._

Unless Niall actively paid attention to the news, he wouldn't know about Harry’s incident. He hadn't mentioned anything since they've met, so Harry was certain he had no knowledge of it. He wasn't keen on Niall finding out about his past. It was nice to know that the Irishman genuinely wanted to be his mate versus acting out of pity.

For that reason, Harry decided to not tell him about it, and just have this friendship blossom without the incident being in the equation.

“My memory isn't good enough to remember that far back,” he joked. He handed a game controller to Niall and they made themselves comfortable on the bedroom floor. “Hey, how old are you anyway?”

“‘m twenty,” Niall replied.

“Nineteen.”

“A baby,” he cooed. “Shouldn't you be in university or something?”

Ah yes, university. It’s where young adults begin their transition from adolescence to the real world, getting an education specifically for their desired career. Harry found it fascinating, the ability for an individual to explore their interests and expand their knowledge about it. They had the opportunity to find themselves and create a sturdy foundation for their future.

He had completely forgotten that he was now the appropriate age to attend university, but he also realized that it wouldn't be that simple for him to attend. He hadn't furthered his education since he was seven years old.

The reality was that university seemed farfetched and unattainable for Harry.

“I've thought about it,” he admitted, making sure not to give anything away. Louis had recently taught him to play video games, so every now and then Harry needed to glance down at the remote to remember where each button was.

Apparently, Niall was about to make a good play as he jumped up and pressed his thumbs on the button aggressively, chanting for his players to get the ball in the net.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Niall groaned. He planted himself back on the floor. The shot was set up perfectly, but the ball flew over the net. Harry tried to not to be smug about it as if he somewhat prevented the ball from passing through his goalkeeper and into the net.

It wasn't until they’d played another two games- one win for each - that Anne knocked on the closed door and invited herself into the room.

She poked her head in with a hesitant smile. “Hello loves.”

Niall stood up and greeted Anne, very gentleman like. “Harry’s sister?”

Harry scoffed as Anne blushed. “I'm flattered. I'm Harry’s mum, actually.”

“You're lying, I'm not too fond of liars.”

“Oh stop it,” she chuckled, her eyes glistening with happiness. “Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you're staying for dinner?”

Harry stayed quiet as his new mate and mum conversed, not knowing what to say for input. He was glad that Niall seemed to be on Anne’s good side; it appeared that she was fond of him already.

“I'd love to stay for dinner. As a warning though, I eat a lot,” Niall smiled.

Anne patted his arm. “Perfect, Harry doesn't eat much anyway.” After informing the two that they should head to the dining room table in a few minutes, she walked away and back towards the kitchen.

“Your mum’s really good looking.”

“Gross.”

**\-----**

“Then he said that my mum was good looking.”

Louis made a face that Harry couldn't see. “Ew.”

“I know!”

Harry decided to continue to reach out to Louis, even though he was clearly being ignored. To his surprise, Louis answered with a shy, “ _Hello,_ ” and his questions and concerns flew out the window the minute he heard Louis’ voice.

They’d been at it for two hours already. Louis declared that he needed to make up for lost time. Harry didn't demand an explanation and Louis didn't voluntarily provide one.

“Hey, Lou?” Harry called out.

Louis adjusted his position, breathing into the phone. “Yeah?”

“Do you think I could go to university? Niall asked me why I wasn't in school. I didn't tell him why, but it just got me thinking.”

Truthfully, Louis firmly believed that Harry had a great shot at making it to university because he was already so intelligent. The number of books he had read helped him gain some knowledge. Of course, reading so many books couldn't cover all of the curriculum taught in schools, so going to school could very well be a good idea. It could give him some normalcy. People Harry’s age was at university, getting their education, so he wouldn't stand out. He blended in quite well with the young adults because he was one.

It was difficult because Louis still viewed him as the seven-year-old that had been taken away, but the truth of the matter was that Harry was actually an adult.

“I think that'd be a huge step in the right direction if you chose to go to university,” Louis admitted. “You’d get an education and have the chance to meet so many new people.”

Harry’s stomach turned with the thought of being surrounded by strangers. The idea of learning new things excited him, but the emotion dimmed when imagining being in a room with a bunch of people he didn't know. He wouldn't know if they were dangerous or not; they could easily hurt Harry.

“What if I don't want to meet so many new people?”

“You can't just have me, love,” Louis laughed.

Harry didn't find an issue with that. “I have you and Niall. I'm good with just you.”

“You'll get sick of me eventually, Hazzy. Just think about connecting with people that have the same interests as you. What would you want to study?”

The answer was easy. “I can study photography, right? Niall mentioned that I don’t have many photos in my room. I just never had the chance to see beautiful things all these years nor experience precious moments. I’m finally getting to do that and I just want to capture them, so I can save them in such an amazing way. Maybe I will get to share that with other people as a career, it could be great.”

“Yeah! You'd be surrounded by camera nerds like you. Doesn't that sound great?” Louis encouraged, fighting back a dejected tone. He couldn't identify the odd sensation he felt about the subject. As much as Louis felt that it was a positive thing, he couldn't help but think there'd be a downside to it.

What if he became mates with people who have more similar interests? What if Harry liked their company a lot more than a boring teacher’s?

He had a few concerns.

“I want to try it out, Lou. Can you help me?”

“As if I could say no to you.”

As it turned out, getting Harry to attend university wasn't as easy as it seemed. He needed to take multiple exams for him to qualify, and to Louis’ surprise, he agreed to take them all as soon as possible. With his concerns about Harry’s education, Louis was caught a little off guard with the younger lad’s immediate agreement. He assumed Harry would be more reluctant rather than be so determined to continue his education. Louis almost wanted Harry to feel the way he did, to have multiple questions that would show his own unsettledness.

His parents were amazed that their son had this newfound determination because it distracted him from letting his past get the best of him. Dr. Nolan only encouraged Harry and even suggested a few psychology classes that would help him, even though he declared that he’d major in photography.

Although his parents, in particular, wished that he had chosen another field of study, knowing how tough a career as a photographer could be, they were just glad that his mind was set on something _._

Harry needed his general education taken care of, which consisted of over eleven years worth of information, to successfully pass these exams. Louis took the initiative to retrieve the appropriate study books, note cards, anything that could help his mate.

Louis used his free time to help revise with Harry, quizzing him on the information he read over multiple times. They were either at their homes, the library, or at cafes, deep into several books. Harry practiced writing short papers because one of the exams required him to write about a prompt they choose.

It took several weeks, the time flew by without anybody really acknowledging it. Their main focus was helping Harry. Louis relearned so much about various subjects that he hadn't realized he had forgotten. He had become accustomed to studying the curriculum of an average five-year-old.

It was clear that he was beyond proud of Harry and how adamant he was about university and passing the exams. It was another quality of his personality that Louis fell for, safe to say that it was one of many. He came to terms with being unable to control his feelings for Harry a while ago. Each day they increased their pace.

There were still days that Harry was down and not in the mood to do anything, not even get out of his bed. Those days were particularly difficult because it seemed as if he was taking a couple steps backward in his remarkable progress. The panic attacks appeared every now and then, however, Harry’s need to have Louis there to calm him down gradually declined.

When they occurred, Harry refused to let his parents touch him, instead of pleading to talk to Louis. Sure enough, Louis dropped whatever he was doing and planted himself by Harry’s side, his fingers brushing his hair, soft and comforting words said to get him to properly breathe again.

Unfortunately, one day Niall had to experience one of Harry’s episodes, and Anne had to lie to him about the cause of the attack because her son still didn't want Niall to know about what happened to him. Niall had been so frightened when Harry suddenly balled himself up, panting in an attempt to get some air into his lungs. Apparently, a rough voice of an actor from a television show had triggered Harry badly enough to cause the incident.

That night Louis spent the night. Harry didn't allow him to go back to his flat and Louis didn't protest. Harry had feared that he'd have another episode and Louis wouldn't be there. The older lad opted to sleep on a blowup mattress on the floor while Harry laid comfortably in his own bed above him.

“I'll be right here, Harry,” Louis reminded him, tucking an arm under his pillow. “And I'm sorry if I snore.”

Harry smiled softly, turning his body to face Louis, looking down at him on the floor. “Do I have permission to hit you with my pillow when you snore?”

“Unless you want to have a pillow fight. In that case, I’ll definitely win,” Louis threatened, he closed his eyes and began to even out his breathing.

Suddenly, he's hit hard on the face with a feathery weapon. Louis failed to be angry as he heard Harry’s giggling, clearly proud of himself. Louis’ eyes snapped open, to reveal the ceiling until brown ringlets came into view.

Harry’s smile was bright with his dimples greeting Louis. He had never seen such a beautiful sight. It pained him that he couldn't just reach out, touch him affectionately and give him a simple kiss.

“You okay, Lou?” Harry smirked.

“You're a little shit,” Louis declared, rapidly pulling out the pillow underneath him and swinging it in Harry’s direction.

At almost one in the morning, Harry and Louis engaged in an intense pillow war. Both lads swung, dodged the pillows and wrestled each other until Anne had enough of their hysterical laughter so late at night.

The door had been closed, so her presence was made known when she entered the room due to the loud creaky noise the door made. As irritated as Anne was when she was woken up by Harry and Louis’ antics, that diminished when she saw the carefree look on her son’s face.

She was thrown back to twelve years ago when Harry constantly felt and looked carefree and was full of pure happiness. His eyes and smiles shined so brightly that it was contagious and almost impossible to not replicate. Harry would tilt his head back to let out howls of laughter, mouth opened so wide. The scene was so foreign and missed, but also felt as if it never stopped.

The sight before her wasn't exactly like the ones that used to occur all those years ago, but it was pretty damn close. It eventually brought tears to her eyes, while Harry and Louis stopped long ago with concern in their eyes.

“Anne? Are you alright?” Louis questioned, standing up.

Anne waved her hand. “Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.”

“Were we too loud? I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, but it's okay. No worries.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks, her eyes not turning away from Harry’s face. His cheeks were a bit pink, his hair wild and untamed. Her boy was really home; it hit her hard at random times.

With hesitant steps forward, she ambled towards Harry across the room. As Anne drew closer, his eyes widened bit by bit and his body tensed up. To be considerate, she asked if it would be alright for her to embrace him. “Can I give you a hug, love, please?”

Harry turned to look at Louis, mentally pleading for him to save him. It wasn't that he didn't like his own mum enough to embrace her, he just didn't feel comfortable and his body had a mind of its own. He didn't mean to freeze up, it just happened. He saw the sting of rejection on his mum’s face and felt a bit guilty.

He had made some progress with her and the rest of his family; he engaged himself more and refrained from isolating himself in his bedroom. It was gradually going in the right direction, which was why, despite his body indicating otherwise, he nodded his head.

Anne looked relieved and gleeful as she pulled him into her arms gently, making sure to not be too aggressive and ruin the moment. She couldn't resist any longer. It was the first time Harry had allowed her to touch him. She tucked her head into his neck as she was so much smaller than him. He could hear her sniffling and soft cries as she rubbed her hand up and down his back.

“I've missed you so much, my baby boy.”

No one could miss the agony in her voice, but also the love she had for Harry. The love that never faded as the years went by without his return, the love so strong that it made her hopeful that one day she would get this moment. The day and moment finally came and Anne had no desire to ever let go.

Louis gathered as much and felt intrusive, so he gave a thumbs up to Harry, a reassuring smile and stepped out of the room.

Anne didn't notice Louis’ exit, the main focus on her son in her arms. She continued to whisper how much she loved and missed him while he was away. Harry couldn't wrap his head around the emotions pouring out of her nor why they were coming out so strongly. Surely she wouldn’t be affected if she didn’t do enough to find him years ago.

Louis explained multiple times that his family missed him so much and recounted the moments after Harry had been abducted and how greatly it affected his family. He was getting to experience firsthand the emotions that his mother had been feeling for the past twelve years and he didn't know how to go about witnessing her fall apart. Harry felt it'd be wiser to let Anne have this moment, let her grieve the loss of her son throughout his childhood and rejoice that he’d returned.

Harry felt her tender hands raise from his back to his long hair. “Your hair’s so beautiful and long. You like it?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, finding her caressing and sweet scent comforting. He felt himself gradually relax as she continued to soothe him. “ _He_ wouldn't let me grow it out, so _he_ cut it horribly whenever it got too long.”

A dry sob escaped her lips. “Oh my poor baby, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.” They moved to sit on the bed, thoughts of the late night faded as Anne simply wanted to stay close to Harry. “We tried so hard, I promise.”

Harry didn't anticipate that their moment would lead to this discussion. He struggled to keep it together and just listen. He wouldn't risk saying something that might upset Anne, she had been through enough.

“We had search parties. The police looked and investigated day and night, but we just couldn't find you or any clues that would lead to you,” she explained. “It broke my heart when they decided to close the case years later. It felt like we were giving up and I didn't want to.”

For years Harry knew he had a family, the memory of them faded as time went by, but the curiosity about their search for him always ate him up. He essentially received an answer that explained why he was never found.

Mentally he was nowhere near ready to take in anything that could potentially trigger some uneasiness, but Harry needed this. He needed to resolve this nagging question.

“Did you stop loving me?” He whispered, almost afraid to ask. “It was twelve years without me, that's a long time.”

Anne’s body tensed beside Harry’s, and she pulled back to give Harry a stern expression. “Absolutely not. Harry, you will always be my son. No matter what happened, I will always, always, love you more than life itself. You and Gemma are my world, you could have disappeared for decades and I would still have loved you the same amount as the day you were born.”

Harry didn't dare look away from her, trying to detect any insincerity in her tone. He failed to do so.

“You were always so easy to love,” She smiled, pushing his hair out of his face. “Such a happy little boy, you were.”

“So I've heard,” Harry replied.

She giggled, her smile prominent. “Rambunctious, you were, it was so entertaining. You'd put on shows for us. You and Louis would always sing songs from _Grease_.”

“With Louis?” He perked up, he loved to hear stories that involved Louis. There were so many for just seven years. He didn't bother to ask what _Grease_ was, he figured it was just a random movie.

“When you were six, you and Louis begged his mum and me to be Danny for Halloween.”

Bowing his head, Harry asked, “Who's Danny?”

Anne’s smile dimmed. “A character in Grease. Maybe you should ask Louis to watch it with you sometime. You'll learn why you loved it,” she suggested softly. “Louis would like that.”

Speaking of Louis, the blue-eyed man reappeared with a small smile. “I'm feeling left out now.”

“Can we watch _Grease_?” Harry questioned immediately.

Louis groaned. “Oh Lord, did Anne tell you about our shows?”

“I sure did.” She stood up and walked towards the door. “Go ahead and watch it, just don't have a pillow fight and cause a ruckus, it's really late.”

“Aye, aye captain,” Louis saluted. He went to grab Harry’s laptop and open up Safari to pull up Netflix. He couldn't wait to see his favorite film again; he hasn't seen it in years. Every time he attempted to watch it, he could never finish it due to thoughts of Harry consuming him.

“Goodnight, Mum,” Harry tested, watching both Louis and Anne freeze. It was the first time Harry dared to call Anne mum since he was seven years old.

It was safe to say that it was music to her ears, and it took everything in her to not crumble in the best way possible. It was close to a dream, a dream she never wanted to wake up from. This tall man with a scarred body and mind was still her little boy. She had her baby.

“Goodnight, my love.”

With a small nod from Louis, Anne finally stepped out and closed the door behind her.

“She was happy, right? It was alright to call her Mum?” Harry checked with Louis, who sat comfortably on his bed, laptop on his lap and ready to start their movie night.

“I don't think she could be any happier.”

**\-----**

The combination of Harry’s existing knowledge and his strict study habits in recent weeks allowed the lad to pass his exams with flying colors, which brought him that much closer to university. The support from his family, therapist, and Louis encouraged him to strive for his education. A sweet distraction it was, and the results left him happier than he had been in a long time. Even if Niall didn’t know of Harry’s past, he was also contributing positively to Harry’s recovery. He was reassuring Harry that it’s not such a bad thing to go back out in the world and see what it has to offer.

Endless nights of maths exercises, readings from various subjects paid off. He mainly took the credit, but, of course, Louis was right there to assist him with everything. It helped that Louis was so intelligent and more than capable of acting as an amazing tutor to Harry.

When Harry received the news that he had passed, Louis declared that they needed to celebrate. Anne and Des instantly agreed and even suggested that they invite Louis’ family over.

Louis became nervous, although he accepted the invitation and informed his mum later that day. The thing was, Jay still hadn't seen Harry since he came back home. Louis wished things were different because both families were so close when the boys were younger. The only person from Louis’ family who had seen Harry was Lottie and that was only briefly. He felt accountable for Harry being taken away from his own family as well as Anne, Des, and Gemma. The relationship between the two families changed drastically after Harry was kidnapped. They were no longer close to each other and Louis felt as if he was to be blamed for that.

Jay agreed with Louis when he recommended that they not overwhelm Harry by bombarding him with so many people that he knew in the past. There were still many relatives that hadn't even seen him.

After five months since Harry’s return, Louis finally was going to bring his family to the Styles’ home. Long ago, this was a normal occurrence. The Styles and Tomlinson families gathered every week for dinner, letting the kids run around and socialize with each other as the adults caught up with one another.

It was only Gemma, Harry, Louis and Lottie, at the time, running around wildly every week. This would be the first gathering without Mark and with Felicite, Phoebe, and Daisy.

As it neared the time that the Styles’ house would fill up with screaming girls, Louis grew apprehensive. He arrived early to help and discreetly prepare Harry for what was to come.

“The twins are nuts and children of hyenas, I swear. Felicite is going through a phase, so don't take anything to heart if she is standoffish. Lottie’s cool, as you already know,” Louis informed.

Harry had asked him a question while throwing a black t-shirt on, which wasn’t wise. The poor guy didn’t even listen to what was said. He blamed Harry for trying to talk while changing in front of him.

Louis tried so hard to not stare but his eyes had a mind of their own. Despite the scars covered his pale skin, Harry’s body was beautiful. How Harry managed to have a lean build with a hint of muscle here and there was beyond him. Louis craved the feeling of Harry’s skin under his fingertips as he explored his body.

Louis imagined Harry underneath him, looking up at him as he trusted Louis to be gentle with him. Looks and sounds of pleasure would come from Harry, encouraging Louis to continue to touch every part of his skin with either his fingers or mouth.

“Lou?” Louis’ head snapped up in Harry’s direction, who looked concerned. “Did you get lost in your head?”

“Something like that,” Louis admitted. “What did you ask again?”

As Harry fixed his bed, he repeated, “Where's your dad?”

“Oh, um. He and my mum divorced a while ago, so he isn't around much. I don't really see him. The girls do though,” he explained. Mark left after Harry’s disappearance and it had been tough on Louis. The little boy depended on his dad as he tried to get through the sorrow he felt.

Jay had him go to therapists for a while after the incident to clear his head, but Louis only wanted his dad’s comfort.

When Mark left, everything for Louis went downhill from there. He lost his best friend and then his own father left his family. It put a strain on him, resulting in rebellious behavior for a bit. He managed to conquer his past, but he never really forgave his father. Louis felt that he should have still been there at home despite the fighting with Jay, Louis needed him.

“Was it when I was gone?” Louis nodded. “I'm sorry, Louis.” Harry ambled over to Louis and wrapped his arms around his smaller frame. He noticed the hurt look on Louis’ face as he briefly explained how Mark left the family a few years after he had been abducted. Harry didn't like this look on Louis, who normally was quite confident and held his head high. It reminded him that Louis was human, not this superhuman that he pictured him as. Louis went through tough times as well, that didn't involve Harry. Louis was hurt by his dad. It made him vulnerable as a little boy, who sat on his porch for hours waiting for Mark or Harry to return. “I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when he left.”

Louis laughed loudly, digging his fingers into Harry’s waist, making him squirm and giggle. “You were going through tougher things, silly. My problems were miniature compared to yours. No need to be sorry, love.”

“I don't like you sad, you're too bright,” Harry murmured softly once he calmed down.

Harry was warm, exactly what Louis needed to ease the tension. His grip around Harry’s waist tightened as his heartbeat accelerated. He could tilt his head a bit and breathe in his scent from his neck.

 _Fuck it_ , Louis thought as he moved his head ever so slightly to tuck his face into Harry’s neck.

“I'm bright?” Louis asked breathlessly, quite comfortable in this position, with no desire to move any time soon. Apparently, Harry felt the same way because he didn't dare to move either, both comfortable where they stood.

“You shine bright like the sun,” Harry replied and then admitted. “I call you my sunshine all the time; it just fits you. The sun is warm, and that’s how I feel when you’re near. Plus, um...I personally think you’re both, kind of beautiful, so.”

Louis didn't want to move for the rest of his life.

Neither did Harry.

“So you only like how I look?” Louis joked, chuckling. He then moaned so softly, almost inaudibly when Harry began to tangle his fingers in his hair. He had contemplated getting it cut soon, but right then decided not to just so Harry could play with it whenever he wanted to.

“I like who you are inside more if I'm being honest.” The urge to act upon this statement sparked something in Harry, although he was second-guessing himself. He didn’t want to be too forward and ultimately have this moment be ruined because of it. To any other person, the gesture is simple and not a big deal, which is not necessarily the case with Harry. However, Harry found it appropriate and wanted to act on his desire so badly. With his concerns pushed aside, the younger lad placed his lips on the side of Louis’ forehead ever so lightly. His heart raced, overflowing with affection, but it wasn’t a bad thing.

Meanwhile with Louis, when he felt a pair of lips against his temple, the pressure sent shock waves through his body. His hands clamped up, wanting to begin his fantasy of touching the taller boy so delicately, but he didn't want to overstep his boundaries.

Instead of what he actually wanted, Louis chose to just return Harry’s affection by pressing his lips to his neck.

Harry hummed appreciatively and he whispered, “You make me happy and you make the pain go away. You have helped me so much in such a short amount of time. I might've forgotten about you, but I'm learning and remembering new things about you every day and I like every part of you so much.”

Louis was desperate to kiss him fully, to show him all the feelings he had bottled up inside of him. He wanted Harry to know how much he loved him because that's what this feeling was: love.

Instead, he continued to place small pecks on the right side of Harry’s neck. “You make me happy too, Harry.”

There was a sensation in the pit of Harry’s stomach that he couldn't identify. It wasn't one of discomfort, quite the opposite really. Yet he was uncertain of what it was. He was about to ask Louis when the sound of the doorbell ringing stopped him.

“Let's go, time to meet my mum again.”

A huge part of Harry was looking forward to meeting Louis’ mum, as he really wanted to thank her for raising an amazing son. As they descended the staircase, the sound of multiple voices talking over each other could be heard. There were plenty of laughs and excited exclamations. The group radiated positivity.

Harry spotted Louis’ family, recognizing Lottie and her newly bleached hair. She talked to a taller brunette and Gemma. The brunette must be Felicite, he concluded. He smiled when two smaller girls talked animatedly to each other on the sofa. They looked identical, so he couldn't tell who was Phoebe or Daisy. Finally, Jay and Anne embraced tightly. Harry noticed tears in his mum’s eyes.

“You lot are loud,” Louis proclaimed, grabbing everybody’s attention.

Jay’s expression broke out into one of relief and happiness at the sight of Harry beside Louis. “Oh Harry, Hello little one.”

“He's far from being little anymore, Mum.”

“That could be applied to Louis?” Harry suggested, making everybody but Louis laugh hysterically.

Louis only scoffed, stomping away like an overgrown child throwing a tantrum. “Looks like I'm going to have to find a new best mate.” Louis’ youngest sisters ignored them while the rest watched on, amused by the scene.

“I need food,” Louis then announced.

Anne clapped. “Let's satisfy the little one and eat!”

“I'm spitting on everything.”

The rectangular dining table that was rarely used managed to fit the entire group. A wide variety of food stretched along the table. There was way more food than necessary. Everybody took a seat, Harry, as predicted, sat beside Louis.

“If I may, I just want to say a few words,” Anne asked the table, to which everybody nodded and listened in. “This was long overdue, it's been more than a decade since we've had Styles-Tomlinson dinner-”

“Tomlinson-Styles sounds better,” Louis butted in with a sheepish smile.

Gemma threw a dinner roll at Louis’ head as Anne ignored them and went on. “Long story short, it makes my heart swell to see everybody here, and of course the new additions,” she said, referring to Felicite, Phoebe, and Daisy. “Harry, we are so proud of you, not only for passing the several exams but for making amazing progress. You're the strongest person I know.”

Harry blushed under everyone’s gazes, only relaxing when he felt Louis’ soft and smaller hand on top of his under the table. Louis gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, beginning to pull away before realizing that Harry wasn’t letting go.

Once Harry thanked his mum, she announced that they could all begin to eat. No one spoke, the sounds of the utensils hitting the plates could be heard clearly in the room. Louis had to eventually let go of Harry’s hand to eat, much to their dismay.

Finally, Jay decided to break the silence by asking Harry a question. “So Harry, what do you plan on studying?”

“Photography,” he replied, placing his fork down to take a sip of his water. “I really enjoy taking pictures. Thanks to Louis, I can take a lot.”

Jay’s only response was to raise an eyebrow. Louis may have failed to mention that he bought a professional camera just for Harry. She couldn't prevent it from happening of course, but she constantly advised him to not spend his money blindly. Luckily, she played it off without scolding him or making any complaints, although Louis was certain he'd get an earful later when they're alone.

“Why don't you print your favorite pictures that you've taken so far and we’ll display them around the house?” Anne proposed.

“Oh! I'd love some as well,” Jay added.

Harry had never shined brighter, Louis decided.

The talk about Harry studying photography seemed to open up a flood of conversations about diverse topics. Gemma discussed her job, and Louis’ younger sisters all complained about school, which Harry didn't understand. He was quite excited to start in the upcoming months, to acquire additional knowledge every day felt exciting to him.

When Daisy requested that they retell a few memories from Louis’ and Harry’s childhood, instead of the mood shifting to sorrow and quietness, the parents were uplifted and happy to recall all the trouble the two lads got into. Harry listened intently to both his parents’ and Jay’s stories. He'd heard plenty already, but it seemed like the memories were endless.

After the food was devoured by the two families, Louis, Jay, and Gemma helped Anne pick up the table and wash the dishes. Harry attempted to help, but the four of them shooed him away to go to the living room with the rest. It was there that Harry had the opportunity to talk more with the Tomlinson girls.

Lottie and Felicite were more reserved while Daisy and Pheobe weren't shy to socialize with Harry, both talking to him at once. Harry asked questions about some stories about their mates and school, just to be engaged and have the girls know that he was paying attention to them.

“Harry, can we braid your hair? It will be short, but we want to try,” Phoebe asked, an innocent smile on her face.

Harry didn't flinch anymore when Louis gently laid his hands on him, either to play with his hair or just caress him. Louis had that privilege, but nobody else did yet. With that being said, when Phoebe asked for permission, he felt conflicted because he didn't want to hurt her feelings but he also didn't want to panic the moment they touched his hair.

“How about you braid my hair? Mine’s longer so you can do more with it,” Lottie chimed in, coming to Harry’s rescue. The twins agreed happily, much to his relief. He shot Lottie a grateful smile and mouthed ‘thank you.’

She simply nodded and gave him a wink as the twins began pulling her hair in different directions, making Lottie wince every so often.

Des had moved to his office a while ago, saying he had some paperwork to look over. Felicite typed away on her phone, eyebrows furrowed as she read the screen. Not long after, Louis emerged from the kitchen alone. Harry stood and suggested that they go outside to the backyard.

Harry wanted to talk Louis in regards to the feelings he would have whenever Louis was near. They weren't bad sensations; his stomach fluttered in a weird way, but it led to him ultimately smiling and experiencing these unknown urges. The younger boy was just confused as to what they could be, and he trusted Louis to help identify them.

Louis told Harry to go ahead outside and he'd join him momentarily. Once he stepped outside, Louis turned to his sisters. “Was he okay?”

“He's so nice!” The twins expressed simultaneously. Lottie smiled and nodded, saying he's lovely while Felicite just gestured a thumbs up.

“You worry too much about him,” Lottie noted, flinching when her hair got pulled too harshly.

Louis shrugged, not disagreeing with her because he knew it was true. “I feel obligated to, it's different with him.”

“You love him,” Phoebe sang, displaying a cheesy smile. Daisy concurred as the twins began singing, “ _Louis and Harry sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g._ ”

“Oi,” Louis shouted, his cheeks flaring up. “Give it a rest, girls.”

Felicite put her phone down for the first time since dinner and said, “Phebs is not wrong, y’know. It's kinda obvious.”

Louis had enough of their nonsense. He stomped towards the door, leaving the girls unanswered.

The chilly air hit him the second he stepped outside. The sky was dark, but white stars lit up the sky alongside the moon. Louis spotted Harry on a swinging bench the Styles had on their back porch.

“Hey,” Louis greeted, placing himself next to Harry, who looked up at the stars.

“As much as I wanted to see the sun when I was gone, I wanted to see the moon as well,” Harry muttered, not taking his eyes off the sky. The moon hit Harry’s face perfectly, allowing Louis to see him clearly. “I still can't believe it.”

Louis whispered, “Believe what?”

“That I managed to get out. I was certain I was going to die there.” Harry normally steered clear of expressing his thoughts surrounding the abduction, so this confession took Louis by surprise and saddened him at the same time.

“You're so brave, Harry.” Louis scooted closer, wrapping his right arm around him.

The unidentifiable warmth in Harry appeared once again. It took him a moment to decide how to explain to Louis how he felt. Harry was also a bit nervous, he clearly didn't know how Louis was going to react to his revelation, and he hoped it wouldn't be negatively.

Under the moonlight, Harry was enchanted by the blue of Louis’ eyes. He found himself smiling softly until Louis finally looked over at him, grinning. “What’s got you smiling, love?”

Harry wanted to try something.

Without responding, Harry leaned his head on Louis’ shoulder. He waited, listening to the noise of crickets chirping loudly mixed with their breathing.

“You have me smiling.”

“And what did I do?”

Harry’s hand reached for Louis’, intertwining their fingers and bringing them up to his lips. Louis felt a pair of lips on the back of his hand, causing his breathing to hitch.

Louis wanted more, but he knew he couldn't. As each day went by, the urge became stronger and he was growing impatient. Although it's been more than a few months since he and Harry were reacquainted with each other, it was surely too soon for Harry to take that step.

“I've been wondering about something,” Harry said.

“You're going to answer my question first, you bugger.” Knowing he was ticklish, Louis dragged his fingers to Harry’s side, making the younger lad cackle. He stopped soon after, letting Harry catch his breath.

“I'll get to that, Lou, just wait. Anyways, um, when I read, there was something I noticed,” Harry started, his mood suddenly serious. He licked his lips as he unlatched from Louis, putting his hands in his lap. “There would be couples in relationships, right? I couldn't help but notice that it's always a man and a woman that are together.”

Along with the chirping of the crickets roaming outside, Louis could practically hear his heartbeat loud and clear. He appreciated Harry removing his hand from his because Louis’ hands began to sweat.

“Is it okay for a man to like another man? And a woman to like another woman? I mean, _he obviously_ liked boys but he's a monster.”

“It's perfectly okay, Harry. A person can be attracted to whatever gender,” Louis explained, and Harry nodded.

“That's good to know, okay. And you?”

Louis wiped the palms of his hands on his jeans. “I'm gay. I'm attracted to guys.” Harry continued to wet his lips with his tongue as if he's testing Louis.

“I think I'm gay too,” Harry declared. Before Louis broke out in dance or began cheering with confetti flying everywhere, he stayed collected to make sure Harry was certain.

Louis cleared his throat. “And what brought you to that conclusion?”

It was crystal clear to Harry. He's run into his parents exchanging small kisses and just didn't see himself doing that with a woman. As he explained that to Louis, the older lad nodded in understanding, relating to Harry's thoughts.

“I just don't see that for me,” Harry shrugged. “I imagine…”

“With a guy?”

A few minutes went by without a word from Harry, Louis patiently waited until he was ready to speak. He was grateful that Harry trusted him enough to rely on him for things like this.

“I know I shouldn't even be thinking about this, I have other stuff to worry about. But I can't help it, Louis. I can't stop feeling what I'm feeling, and I can't stop thinking about it.”

Harry’s frustration grew the more he revealed because he knew his sexuality shouldn't take priority over his recovery from his abduction. Yet, at the end of the day, what distracted him from feeling depressed and triggered by the incident was the thought of Louis.

He thought of Louis’ drawn-out eyelashes that swept across his cheeks as he blinked. His tenderness with Harry blew his mind; he was always so considerate of Harry’s comfort level and feelings. Harry liked Louis’ big heart and willingness to help his loved ones. He was full of positivity and love, it was infectious, making Harry feel safe to unravel his emotions without any judgment.  

“Is it Niall?” Louis muttered, picking at his fingernails.

Harry’s response wasn't what Louis expected. He had never seen Harry laugh so hard in his life, his body visibly shook, he clapped his hands and leaned forward as he caught his breath. His eyes were squeezed shut, mouth completely open and turned up.

Louis wanted to capture it with a picture, so he could stare at it all day.

“I didn't know I was that hilarious,” Louis hummed, flicking the back of Harry’s head.

“You really are for mentioning Niall.”

He sighed. “Well, just tell me what brought this on.”

Harry’s eyes snapped up to Louis’, green connecting with blue, apprehension connecting with curiosity. It was on the tip of Harry’s tongue, Louis could see that. All he needed was to open his mouth and just say the words. Although, whatever came out of his mouth, Louis knew he wouldn't do anything about it. If he said the words he had dreamt about, Louis couldn't act upon that. If Harry said something completely different, then he'd forever have to refrain from acting out and just support his mate.

Finally, the dimple was on display for Louis to see, there was a tug on the upper left corner of Harry’s lips. “You make me feel the world.”

“I don't know how to explain it,” Harry huffed, looking up at the dark sky, then looking back down at Louis. “Sometimes, I feel like there's nothing. Nothing good, nothing bad, just absolutely _nothing._ My mind just goes blank and I feel like I'm left without a soul. But, with just one conversation with you, I feel _everything._ Not only do I believe I can achieve anything, the pessimism doesn't exist.”

Louis didn't know what to say, a limitless number of words came to mind, but he couldn’t seem to get them out of his mouth.

“My heart races when I'm with you,” Harry continued. “I get weird sensations in my stomach.”

“Butterflies,” Louis whispered.

Harry giggled, moving his hair around. “Is that what it's called?” Louis assured him it was and then Harry went on. “You've helped me so much. And it's been so easy from the beginning. You noticed that, didn't you? I'm barely talking to my parents, but I didn’t hesitate at all with you. The first memories I dreamt of involved you. That isn't normal, is it?”

Louis simply raised his shoulders momentarily, doubting the depth of Harry’s confession. It seemed too good to be true.

“You know everything about me: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yet, you're still here.” Harry lifted his hand to cup Louis’ flushed cheek. He brought himself closer, the warmth between them grew. They stared intensely at each other, not daring to break each other’s gaze. “I only smile with you, I only laugh with you, I'm only happy with _you_. You've brainwashed me or something because it's always _you, you, you._ ”

Tears threatened to fall from Louis’ eyes, the clear liquid causing the color of his eyes to lighten.

“The progress I've made is partially credited to you. You're the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I like learning about you, learning about me, and learning about us. I had it so good as a child, and I get a glimpse of that now every day with you.” Louis noticed that Harry’s lips were wet and so pink. He didn't know how he held himself so still and composed.

Some of what Harry confessed was already said hours ago in his bedroom, however, it didn't mean it affected Louis any less than the first time.

The younger lad’s eyes dilated slightly as they flickered down every so often at Louis’ thin lips. “And don't even get me started on the urges.”

“Tell me,” Louis demanded breathily.

“It's the same things _he_ would do to me, but when I think about them with you, they aren't scary. His desire for those things gets out of control sometimes.”

Once again, Louis murmured, “Tell me.”

“Can I show you instead?”


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I apologize for taking forever to post this next chapter. School has been taking over my life, I just want to write this fic all the time.
> 
> Thanks to my amazing beta [Natty](http://louisfringe.tumblr.com) for being so picky while editing, it's why this chapter is a hundred times better than what I wrote alone. 
> 
> Tell me what you think as always!

A simple touch of Harry’s lips on his temple was enough to make Louis melt, however, Harry’s lips against his own was a whole different story.

Louis sensed Harry’s hesitation immediately as their lips touched. The green-eyed boy took it slowly and cautiously, showing his inexperience. After the initial shock and against his better judgment, Louis began to respond. His dry lips moved at the same pace Harry’s had, making it easier to feel everything. Both of their scents mixed together into one, the soft sounds escaping from both became one.

Louis was on a high and was so convinced that what he was experiencing was only a dream.

As unhurried as Harry’s movements were, the kiss didn't last as long as Louis had hoped it would. Before he knew it, Harry leaned back with a smile that Louis knew far too well but never got sick of. It also confused the older lad how even though he held a smile, his eyes welled up with tears.

“Hey, hey, love. Aw, what's wrong? Did I go too far?” Harry had initiated the kiss, however, Louis couldn’t help but internally panic, thinking he could’ve done something wrong to make Harry uncomfortable.

However, Harry shook his head, his smile widening as he pulled his bottom lip slightly with his thumb and index finger. It was only a matter of time before the tears that threatened to fall finally dropped. “It wasn't too far, Lou. It...it was _perfect_.”

Louis had to admit that he admired Harry’s honesty when talking to him, especially this whole night. He wanted to say so much but held back because he was afraid of the outcome. Harry didn't have that problem clearly, just blurting out whatever came to mind.

 _Memorable, remarkable, exceptional_. There were so many accurate words to describe the small affection the two exchanged, just thinking about it made Louis’ heart flutter. It didn’t get to the point that they got carried away, yet Louis was still left breathless and craving more. It was a simple action, but it complicated things even more for him.

Louis felt like a hypocrite, reciprocating Harry’s action when he just finished deciding that he wouldn't make a move on his mate.

“Was it bad, Lou? I didn’t know how to do it, I just felt like the moment was right, y’know? Obviously, I’ve never done this before, I wasn’t sure if my lips were moving the right way. I don’t even know if you liked it,” Harry babbled.

Pushing aside his thoughts, Louis looked at Harry, expressionless. His face didn't give anything away, and it was only making Harry nervous. Louis’ inability to say anything convinced Harry that what he did wasn't right. Every second that passed crushed him more, he just wanted to do what felt right to him and having Louis so close felt more than right.

The moment felt right, Louis indicated that he liked Harry’s soft touches and kiss on his forehead. As he confessed his thoughts, Louis was liking what he heard, and it kept Harry going. Harry guessed he was wrong, and he just potentially ruined the best thing that's happened to him.

The tears continued to seep through and his smile changed into a frown. He wiped off his palms on his jeans, standing up from the bench, itching to just lock himself in his bedroom. Harry felt regretful, confused, and ultimately, embarrassed. He wanted nothing more than to turn away and not look at Louis as he attempted to explain why the kiss was wrong.

“Wait, Harry,” Louis begged, his eyes widening when he realized that he was walking away, looking upset. “It's okay.”

“Obviously it's not okay, you can't even look at me.”

Louis noticed a light from inside the house flicker off, coming to the conclusion that it was getting late. He had forgotten the reason why he was there initially: his whole family was there. They weren't important currently though, the beautiful yet upset lad in front of him was.

“You didn't do anything wrong,” Louis assured him, grabbing his wrist and carefully pulling him back towards the bench. He had to find the best way to explain to Harry about what he was feeling.

It made sense the more Louis thought about it. The question in the beginning about a man being attracted to another man, thinking he could possibly be gay, then finally the kiss. Harry was confused and just wanted to see what it felt like to kiss another man. He tested the waters with Louis to come up with his conclusion. As much as it disappointed Louis because he genuinely had feelings towards him, he couldn't get mad at Harry for being curious and trying.

Once the two returned to their seated positions, he continued. “I understand completely.”

“You do?” Harry asked.

“You just wanted to see if you liked it because I'm a guy,” he began. “It's totally normal, and I hope it answered some questions maybe, I don't know.”

Harry was shaking his head before Louis had even finished talking.

“I'd like to think I'm pretty smart, Lou. I-I didn't want to kiss you because I was curious about what gender I might like.”

As much as Louis wanted Harry to continue, he equally wanted to beg him to stop before too much was said. It seemed some sort of higher power was sent to answer his prayers as the back door opened to reveal Louis’ mum.

“Darling, the girls are half asleep, so we are going to head home,” she informed him with a small smile. “I'll talk to you tomorrow?” Her face couldn't be seen well as the porch light was not bright enough.

Louis greatly appreciated the pause in his and Harry’s conversation; it gave him a moment to mentally catch up and prepare for what was to come. He also didn't want to be rude and inconsiderate of Harry's thoughts and just leave him without a solution. The older lad couldn't imagine how wild his mate’s mind ran, trying to come to a conclusion about his wonders and unknown sensations.

Louis was a coward. “Lemme say goodnight to the girls, Mum.”

“Louis?” Harry whispered, pulling down the hem of his shirt, teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

“It's alright darling, you stay,” Jay suggested, suspecting something was going on between the two boys.

Louis rubbed his eyes with the pads of his fingertips, breathing out a puff of air. He nodded and assured his mum he'd call her sometime tomorrow. As she left with a sympathetic look, he returned his gaze to Harry. The poor boy had a couple of tears on his cheekbones, and it made Louis feel like the worst person.

“ _Love_ ,” he murmured, rushing to Harry’s side and wrapping his arms around him. “I'm sorry, I'm a piece of shit. I'm sorry.”

Harry chuckled wetly, sniffling into Louis’ shoulder. “You're not a piece of...that.”

“I just didn't mean to make you cry, I'm sorry,” Louis apologized, clutching on to him. His dilemma was turning out to be beyond difficult, between not wanting to hurt Harry, but at the same time, wanting to continue. He had Harry’s best interest at heart: to experience a profound way of living after so much torture.

Harry mumbled something incoherently, Louis asked him to repeat what he had said.

A new set of goosebumps rose on his arms with Harry’s next words. “I want to keep kissing you, Lou. I liked it. Because…because it's _you_.”

At the end of the day, Harry was Louis’ kryptonite.

“Kiss me then.”

**\-----**

The beginning of December brought in the rain and the snow. The raincoats and winter jackets were dusted off from the storage closets, as well as the snow gloves and earmuffs. Plenty of scarves were wrapped around people’s necks, and beanies were placed on their heads to keep them warm.

The icy conditions and snowfalls were welcomed by the children because it meant snow days.

Luckily, more than a few layers of snow fell overnight. The roads were really covered, so it was advised that everyone stay at home. Louis cheered when he received the call from the school, informing him of the snow day as they waited for the ice to melt. A few extra hours of sleep was greatly appreciated, and it allowed him to push back lesson planning a bit.

The start of the school year a few months back came rapidly, it was hard to believe that their winter break was already approaching. The new set of children in his class were a lot easier to contain than the last, thankfully, and they were a group that seemed to love to learn. It made Louis’ job much easier, to know that his students were responding well to his lessons and were enjoying what they were learning.

The cold air crept along his bare feet as they weren't covered by his comforter. He sat up momentarily to fix the duvet to cover his entire body and flopped back down onto the mattress.

Children screamed happily from outside his flat window; no doubt the neighbors’ kids were having fun playing in the snow. Surprisingly, this was the first time this winter season that enough snow had fallen to actually play in it. There were some days that a few snowflakes touched the ground, but not enough of them stuck.

Louis then wondered what Harry would think of the blanket of white snow outside.

A smile took over his expression with the thought, he could imagine Harry’s face full of pure bliss as his hands touched the ice. The cold would make this cheeks and nose a bit pink to match the color of his lips.

Once the initial excitement over the snow faded, Louis could see Harry bringing out his camera. The younger lad wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't capture the beautiful scenery from multiple angles. He could spend the rest of the day, until nightfall outside, camera in hand with a huge grin.

Louis needed to witness this, and with no school on the snowy Wednesday, he'd be able to.

He reached for his phone on his bedside, unplugging it from the charger and swiping to unlock it. Going to his contacts, he found the beloved name, pressed it, and brought the phone up to his ear. After a few rings, Louis’ shivered when the deep voice on the other line greeted him.

“Hello?”

“Hi, love,” Louis whispered, his own voice a bit scratchy this early in the morning.

Harry’s smile could be sensed as he responded. “Good morning, my Lou.”

“How did you sleep?”

“Okay, I guess,” Harry replied, raising concerns with Louis.

Louis made his way to the kitchen, needing some water to quench his dry throat. “What do you mean ‘you guess?’ What happened?”

“Just...nothing, Lou. It was just a bit cold in my room. That's all.”

“That's all, my arse.” Louis grumbled, taking out the necessary ingredients for an omelet. “There's no use in lying to me, babe. So out with it.”

Harry’s sighing could be heard clearly. Louis patiently waited for him to confess. “I had a bad dream.”

They never truly went away. Louis was aware of that, but he was a little upset that Harry wouldn't let him know exactly when it happens, so he could comfort him. When Harry began to rely less on Louis every time he had a nightmare or slightly panic about something, it irked him a bit. He believed it was his responsibility to continue to take care of Harry and to make sure that he was always safe, mentally and physically. It was illogical for him to be agitated that Harry was becoming more independent, but it was something out of his control. Louis noticed it immediately and brought it up, only for Harry to admit that he didn't need him every single time anymore.

Harry told him that he could get through it by himself and needed to stop looking for someone to rely on. He stressed that dealing with it on his own, with control, was him making positive progress.

For the most part, Louis accepted it, but he would still like to be needed.

“Was it a really bad one?”

“I've had worse,” Harry said. “I just made some tea to calm myself down and went back to sleep.”

Putting the phone on speaker, Louis began cutting the vegetables carefully. Seconds went by without a word, both lads deep in thought.

“I'm always here you know,” Louis informed him.

Harry chuckled on the other line. “You remind me every day, Lou. But I need to deal with this on my own.”

Louis dismissed the last part and hummed as he put the frying pan on the stove.

“What are you making?”

“An omelet,” Louis answered, cracking the eggs open. He heard Harry make a pleasing sound, making him giggle. “Sounds good?”

“Sounds delicious. Can I come over and have some?”

Louis shrugged. “If you want. Need me to pick you up?”

“No, it's okay. I'll ask Gemma to drop me off. I'll get ready right now.”

“Alright, love. See you soon.”

Before Louis knew it, fifteen minutes passed before his door was knocked on. Making sure the omelet wouldn’t overcook, he made his way to the door and swung it open, revealing a beaming, morning cozy Harry.

“Well hello, gorgeous,” Louis greeted, shuffling to the side to let Harry through. Louis’ craziness made him giggle with amusement. The door closed behind them, and they walked back to the kitchen. Harry shrugged off his jacket and beanie, neatly placing them on the sofa before joining Louis.

The scene before Harry was very domestic, Louis whipping them up some breakfast as he set the table. He had to move behind Louis to retrieve a couple plates and forks, playfully bumping into him as he passed by.

Louis smirked. “Oi, watch it, love. I have your breakfast that I can easily ruin.”

“As if you would,” Harry teased.

Once the food was ready, Louis placed the plates on the table and poured the hot tea. He came behind Harry, leaned forward and wrapped his arms around him.

“Didn't get to say a proper good morning,” he whispered into Harry’s ear. Louis turned Harry around to face him, dropping a gentle peck on his lips. He pulled back only for his green-eyed boy to lean in for another kiss. “Good morning, love.”

It was sweet, it was gentle, and it was perfect in Louis’ opinion.

He's spent many sleepless nights contemplating whether or not he should be allowing their relationship to continue. Louis even went as far as to go to Liam and Zayn for advice on what he should do. For the several months that he's had Harry back in his life, his feelings only deepened. He desperately tried to not interfere with Harry’s progression, he knew Harry needed other things to focus on. However, Harry also made it clear that he had some feelings for Louis as well.

In the best way he could, Harry explained to Louis how he felt and how much he wanted to be affectionate with him, that he wasn't scared to. He also expressed how comfortable he felt with Louis near and how much he's grown as an individual with him.

So, no. Louis didn't expect that at all.

He wasn't forcing Harry to do or feel anything at all, Harry was thinking and acting for himself.

Louis just went along with it, letting whatever they had take its course. He couldn't deny how amazing the past couple months have been since that one night in Harry’s backyard. They didn't encounter any serious discussions about their relationship yet, they're just going with the flow of things.

Louis never committed himself to another man, this was as brand new for him as it was to Harry.

All he knew was that Harry smiled so much, and that was Louis’ main goal.

“You taste like mint,” Harry chuckled. “I like it.”

Louis had yet to change out of his pajamas, which was a little awkward considering how Harry was already dressed for the day. He expected Harry would want to go outside and enjoy the snow after breakfast, so he'd just go shower quickly once they're finished.

The two held small conversations about their week, not having seen each other for a few days and needing to catch up. Harry nearly inhaled his food in one go, boosting Louis’ already big ego in the process. It was a nice change, he rarely had to cook for someone else since he lived alone. When he's at his mum’s house, Jay would never permit him to cook, saying it was her duty as his mother. When he was with Liam and now Zayn, they normally ate out or ordered pizza, so it was different to make a bigger portion of food. _It was nice._

“So,” Louis clapped after he noticed their plates were empty. “Do you want to go out and play in the snow like a bunch of children?”

Harry’s face conveyed his excitement, jumping up from his seat and taking the dishes to the sink. “ _Yes_ ,” he agreed. “I was meaning to tell you that I wanted to add _‘build a snowman’_ to my list.”

Louis laughed, raising his brow. “And what happened to make you want to add it to the list?”

“Gemma made me go with her to watch _Frozen_ , and the song inspired me.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

Louis looked at him fondly, crinkles on display for Harry only. He was so adorable, Louis couldn't handle it sometimes. “You're cute,” he told Harry.

“Stop,” Harry replied, his dimple appearing as he bit his lip.

Louis obeyed, breathing out. “Well, I'm going to take a quick shower, then we can go outside. Sound good?”

After a nod and a quick kiss from Harry, Louis was on his way to clean himself up. He normally enjoyed taking his time to lather himself up with his favorite shampoo and body wash. However, there was a pretty boy waiting to build a snowman with him, so he had to speed up the pace.

He returned to Harry in the kitchen, humming an unknown song and wiping off the countertops. He stayed back to creep a little while longer, watching how Harry maneuvered around so effortlessly, knowing where each thing goes and how Louis liked it.

As he reached up to put a teacup on a higher shelf, the bottom of his jumper rose up, exposing a sliver of skin. He found himself staring intensely at the revealed spot, imagining how it'd feel to grip his waist with his smaller hands. He wondered how Harry would respond to Louis holding him firmly yet delicately, pulling him against him until there was no space between their bodies.

Too distracted by his thoughts, Louis didn't realize that Harry finished and essentially caught him creeping. Harry had a confused look on his face, standing with his arms crossed, waiting for Louis to say something.

“What?” Louis questioned.

“You were staring. What's wrong?”

It took time for Louis to remember how innocent Harry is; he wasn't thinking sexually and nothing of the sort would cross his mind. He's had horrible sexual experiences, but that was the last thing on his mind.

Louis couldn't very well spell it out for him, he wouldn't want to make Harry uncomfortable.

“Nothing's wrong. I was staring because you're nice to look at.” Louis tweaked the truth.

“Weirdo,” Harry said with a light blush.

The older lad scoffed, offended by the insult although Harry wasn't lying, there was no need for him to know that. “You're the weirdo since you like this weirdo,” he gestured to himself.

Harry’s eyes softened as he approached his weirdo, daringly initiating the kiss. Louis stayed put while Harry cupped his jaw with his large hands and pressed their lips together. His fingers brushed Louis’ cheekbones gingerly, electrifying his body. They tilted their heads to get a better angle when the peck grew into more.

Their noses rubbed together as they moved slowly, savoring each other's taste and softness of their lips.

After a bit, Harry’s giggling broke the kiss, tearing himself away to grab his coat and beanie. “Enough kissing, let's go in the snow,” he smiled.

“How about you invite Niall, and I'll ask Liam and Zayn to join us?” Louis suggested. “It's about time you meet them.”

**\-----**

As luck would have it, the second Harry and Louis stepped out of Louis’ flat to meet up with their mates, it began to snow once again. It meant more snow to play with, fresh snow at that.

Both instantly regretted not wearing snow boots as their feet began to freeze when digging them in the ice. A trail of footprints scattered the snow-covered sidewalk, the path leading to a decent size grass area, the perfect spot to build their snowman. Louis gripped on a plastic bag, which held the necessary supplies to complete their snow dude. He was happy to find a carrot in his refrigerator before they departed. However, he thought he'd improvise for the eyes and smile. Instead of using pebbles or buttons, he chose to use beer bottle caps in exchange. Finally, he grabbed an old scarf on the way out, not minding if he left it after they were done.

Louis grinned when he noticed a skip in Harry’s step, his excitement radiating off of him. His rosy cheeks were prominent, making Louis unsure if it's due to the cold or him blushing because he went to hold the younger lad’s hand. Harry looked down at their intertwined fingers, liking what he saw.

Much to Harry’s delight, Louis announced they’d arrived at the spot. He lifted his head to see where they'd be assembling everything. Louis leads him towards two unrecognizable men, hands in their pockets as they talked to one another.

“Is that them?” Harry gestured to the guys. Both were a decent height, he found that he was a little taller than both though. They were giving each other a soft look, the taller and more muscular lad ran his hand through the dark rich hair of the olive-skinned man’s. Harry wondered if the smaller one was freezing to death as he only had a leather jacket and black skinnies to protect him from the cold.

“They're gross, but yeah that's them,” Louis said. “The idiot that doesn't mind getting hypothermia is Zayn, and the gross one with the heart eyes is Liam.”

“Hey!” Liam greeted when he and Zayn spotted them. He rushed towards and crashed into Louis, hugging him as if they hadn't seen each other for years when in reality, it has only been a few days.

Immediately Louis figured out why Liam appeared overly happy and cuddly with him; he smelled it right away.

“Liam, you naughty boy,” Louis sang, stepping away and going to Zayn. He carefully grabbed him and pulled him in and hissed into his ear, “I can't believe you had Liam start smoking again. I don't want that shit around Harry.”

“Relax, Lou. And I'll have you know that Liam was the one that asked about it, I didn't bring it up,” Zayn said, defending himself.

From the corner of his eye, Louis saw Liam enthusiastically offering Harry a handshake. He hoped Harry didn't get too overwhelmed with Liam’s behavior.

“Louis talks about you all the time, like seriously, man,” Liam pointed out. That's when Louis decided he had enough.

“Alright, chill out, Liam. Give the lad his space.” Harry only blushed, bringing his bottom lip in between his teeth. It made Louis want to pull Harry’s lip with his own teeth.

Okay, very well.

“I'm Zayn,” the dark-haired man greeted, giving Harry a simple wave and smile in his direction.

“‘m Harry,” the boy said softly. “Um, Louis talks about you guys a lot too.”

Zayn scoffed. “Oh, man. I can only wonder what he says about me.”

“All good things,” Harry lied.

A laugh escaped Louis. “Oh, love, don't try to save my arse. He knows I only talk shit about him.”

“Louis,” Liam snarled, attempting to look intimidating but only managing to resemble a puppy.

“Hey, hey. The party has arrived! What's going on, lads?” A loud voice boomed from behind the group. Prepared to the extreme, Niall arrived decked out in the ultimate snow attire. He really wanted to make sure he had dressed appropriately for the cold snow. He came bulked in multiple layers, topped off with a ski jacket, snow pants, and boots. He just needed a snowboard and snow goggles to complete his look and hit the slopes.  

The blond threw his arm around Harry’s shoulders, failing to notice him tense under his touch. Louis was about to say something before Harry shook his head and grimaced, mouthing, “ _It's okay.”_

“Hi lads! I'm Niall, Harry and Louis’ mate.”

After Liam and Zayn introduced themselves, the five finally began their project. Louis didn't move until he was certain that Harry felt alright, having Niall throw himself on him like that could've gone wrong, but he was so proud of his Harry for dealing with it without Louis interfering.

“You okay?” Louis asked Harry as the rest of the men started to make a pile of snow for the base.

“I felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest, but nothing happened.”

It was amazing to see the visible progress Harry made little by little, him realizing that not everybody was dangerous was big. The belief that every stranger and, for a short time, his own family was out to get him was the biggest fear the lad had. He tensed up whenever they neared him, almost anticipating abuse.

“Proud of you,” Louis whispered into his ear, placing a small kiss on his cheekbone. “Do you want to build a snowman?” Louis asked, singing the question obnoxiously.

“Lou, shush.”

**\-----**

“I can't feel my body.”

A cup of warm tea was placed in front of Zayn, a smirk forming on both Louis and Liam’s lips. Louis tutted, “Liam surely warned you about the cold weather and your inappropriate attire, as did I. You wanted to look cool, so you're paying the price.”

Zayn grumbled a ‘ _fuck you_ ’ to Louis before lifting the cup to his lips, welcoming the warm liquid down his throat. A minute later, a thick blanket was wrapped around him, causing the cold lad to let out a satisfied sound.

Liam sat with his own tea beside him, trying not to have a silly smile cover his face as he looked at how adorable Zayn looked being swallowed up by the blanket. He failed at his attempts horribly. Louis made it known that his best mate was obvious by making a gagging noise.

Declaring their spot on the sofa, Harry and Niall watched the scene between the three mates. Harry sported his own smile as he watched Louis interact with Liam and Zayn.

“You look like you want to attack Louis and never let go,” Niall pointed out.

_Possibly true._

“I guess I'm just not used to seeing him with other mates, y’know? It's usually just him and I, and we don't really banter like he does with them.”

After taking a sip of his tea, Niall asked, “Does that bother you?”

“What?”

“That he doesn't banter with you? How is he normally with you?”

Harry took a second to think about it when really, he didn't need to. He knew exactly how Louis acted with him, and it was exactly why he was able to trust him so quickly, with almost everything. Louis was gentle with him, always sweet and cautious about Harry’s feelings. It wasn't as if Louis refrained from being silly and playful with Harry. It was just the way he went about his silliness and playfulness without taking a step too far that Harry appreciated.

As he explained it to Niall, the Irish lad gave him a pointed look. “You're obvious.”

“What do you mean?” Harry asked, confused.

Niall lightly shoved him. “You're so gone for him, it's funny.”

Harry didn't exactly know what Niall meant, but he didn't press the issue further. He wouldn't have gotten a chance to since Louis chose that time to call them over for lunch.

“Food’s getting cold, lads.”

The get together between the five lads continued well into the night. It involved several movies and junk food, which was nice. Louis had a huge collection of films that they chose from and a kitchen full of food waiting to be eaten. Louis patted himself on the back for going grocery shopping yesterday.

They made themselves comfortable as they watched the film. Liam and Zayn disgustingly cuddled on top of multiple pillows on the floor, Niall planted himself on a recliner, while Harry and Louis hogged the love seat.

Harry felt at ease and very content. Instead of being tense due to just meeting Liam and Zayn, he felt his body relax against Louis’. He understood why Louis talked about his mates so much; they were fun and easy to get along with. He didn’t feel that he was in danger near them. They also made Louis smile and laugh, which was a plus for Harry.

Louis was just happy that his mates got along with Harry, and he was visibly comfortable with the group. His heart filled with joy.

Harry excused himself to use the loo, so they paused the film, and the rest of the lads waited until he returned.

“He's great, Lou,” Liam spoke, sending him a private smile. Louis has explained to Liam and Zayn that Niall wasn't in the loop regarding Harry’s past, so he was glad that Liam didn't say anything further to raise any questions.

“I know I'm great,” Niall chimed in, taking a big bite of pizza.

Louis rolled his eyes at him. “Not you, tosser. He was talking about Harry.”

The pizza was then ignored as Niall looked up at the three with a confused expression. “Wait, this is the first time you guys are meeting Harry? I thought he's been friends with you, Louis since you lads were kids?”

Quickly, Louis had to come up with a decent explanation that wouldn't expose Harry’s past. He didn't think of the possibility of Niall finding out that Liam and Zayn were meeting Harry for the first time. It wouldn't make sense to say that he and Harry had been each other's lives for forever and not bring him around his other mates. It was his mistake. He didn't recall telling Liam that Niall wasn't aware of anything. He had to come up with something quick before Harry came back. Louis just hoped Niall wouldn't question him about it.

“Hey Haz, I didn't know you were just meeting Liam and Zayn.”

Louis spoke too soon.

Harry slowly walked back into the room, his face paling underneath the four sets of eyes. His headscarf was no longer tied to his head, allowing his hair to fall freely. His attire included far fewer layers than it had outside in the snow, only in a pair of light gray joggers and a white t-shirt, both of which belonged to Louis.

“What?” Harry whispered.

Unaware of the sudden tension in the room, Niall kept his attention focused on Harry. “Liam was saying to Louis how you were great as if he was just meeting you. But, I don't get it. You said that you and Louis have known each other since you were born. How can you just be meeting them?”

Louis fucked up. Harry wanted just one thing: for Niall to never know about the kidnapping. He saw how relieved it made his boy know that Niall wanted to be his mate for who he was. Niall didn't have the need to tiptoe around Harry and be cautious about saying or doing the wrong thing. Harry felt normal with Niall.

“I...um, I don't know,” Harry stuttered, his voice a tad higher than his usual deep tone.

“Harry moved away for awhile; he just came back a few months ago.” Louis jumped in.

Niall then caught on quickly after Harry’s uncertain response. His face softened immediately, his curiosity abandoned. “Hey, it's okay. I'm just being nosy, ignore me.”

 _So it begins_ , Louis thought to himself. Niall took back his question, knowing how uncomfortable it was making Harry. Once again, Louis really fucked up.

“We just haven't crossed paths until now,” Liam replied simply, eyeing Louis with an expression as if asking, “ _That good?_ ”

It was vague, but luckily Niall knew better than to question it further. “Alright,” he shrugged, returning back to his rejected pizza.

Niall accepting that answer didn't make Harry feel better, because although Niall didn't dig deeper into the truth of the situation, he’d for sure be wondering about it whenever they were around each other. That didn't sit well with Harry at all.

The conversation was deemed over once Niall returned his attention back to the film. Zayn and Liam talked to each other in a whisper, most likely to give Louis time to make sure Harry was alright. He made his way to the boy and lead them to his bedroom for more privacy.

Once they walked into the room, Louis opened up the curtains to let in the natural sunlight. The dark walls already made the room more gloomy, so the sunlight was very much appreciated whenever the sun came out. Due to the snowy day, the sun wasn't as bright as it could be, but Louis would take anything he could get.

Harry sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes on the ground and biting his nail.

“Harry,” Louis breathed out, kneeling in front of him and pulling his hand away from his mouth. With both knees on the ground - he prayed they wouldn't hurt later - he cupped Harry’s jaw and made sure they locked eyes. He noticed that Harry’s breathing was labored, his hands were clenched, and his lips were red with how hard he dug his teeth into them. “Love, it's okay. You need to relax for me, yeah?”

It wasn't a panic attack, although Harry’s physical symptoms said otherwise.

“All of this is because of _him_. I can't have a normal friendship because of _him._ Louis, it's so _hard_. It was great with Niall because he didn't know. I know Liam didn't mean anything by what he said, but now Niall is going to keep wondering what's wrong. It's unfair, Lou. I want a normal life. What did I do to deserve this? I always have to worry, worry about people knowing, worry if _he’s_ going to show up. I worry about losing control of myself.”

Louis had never heard Harry speak so quickly in his life. He was endeared by his rambling, but he wisely chose to acknowledge that another time as it wasn't the right moment for that. The desperation in his voice was undeniable, and it broke Louis’ heart to hear the agony and the pleading for normalcy.

“Unfortunately, it's not meant to be easy. I wish it was for you, you deserve it more than anyone.” Harry relaxed slightly underneath Louis’ touch, his skin feeling as if it’s on fire in the best way. It was something that only Louis could do.

“I'm not ready to tell Niall. I don't want him to know,” Harry confessed softly.

Planting a soft kiss on his bitten lips, Louis promised, “Then he won't know, not until you want him to.”

After expressing how much he wanted to forget what had happened before, Harry and Louis returned to the guys to get things back to the way things were. The atmosphere was still tense and a bit awkward at first, but they pushed through it and were joking amongst each other in no time.

After a while, Louis couldn't help but notice the way Harry stared at Zayn. The younger lad gazed firmly and intensely at a particular area on Zayn, which made Louis uncomfortable. He contemplated whether to make a scene about it or not, but he decided not to because Harry had gone through enough already.

The light radiating off of the television screen made it clear for Louis to see, his hands clenched because of the scene before him.

A sigh of relief escaped his lips when both Zayn and Liam announced that they were heading home, and Niall soon followed. The group didn't realize how late it was getting. The streets were mostly empty with no one in sight. In no time, it was just Harry and Louis that were left in the flat.

To get it over with, Louis approached Harry, needing to know what interested him so much about Zayn.

“Haz?” Louis called out.

“Yeah?”

Louis patted the space on the sofa beside him, gesturing for Harry to sit. He wasted no time doing so. “You were staring at Zayn throughout the whole movie.”

Harry didn't give a verbal response, just bit his lip with a worried look as if he was a child getting scolded. “I wasn't,” he lied.

“No use in lying to me, I was watching you.”

“That's not creepy.” The sarcasm dripped from Harry’s lips.

A sigh escaped from Louis. “I'm not mad, I'm just curious. I know he looks like he was sculpted by the Gods, I can't say I blame you.”

“No,” Harry chuckled, the uneasiness slowly fading. “I was just looking at his tattoos.”

Both of Zayn’s arms were covered with art, as well as in places that weren't visible, a variety of pointless drawings and drawings that have meaning behind them. The lad didn't have a problem with marking his body, loving how it acted as a canvas to do what his heart desired. When he left to America, he didn't have many of them, meaning he got quite a lot done while he stayed there.

Louis didn't have an interest in marking his body nor did Liam. Although Liam never shuts up about how much he loved Zayn’s, he was too terrified to get one of his own.

“Did you like them?” Louis asked, to which Harry nodded. “He has a lot.”

“I noticed,” Harry replied. “Do they all have meaning?”

Louis shook his head. “No, many of them he got while drunk. I guess you don't always have to get it for a specific reason.”

“That's cool.”

“It's not really my thing,” he commented. “But I guess it could be cool.”

The frown on Harry’s face was long gone when a shy smile replaced it. Louis didn't know exactly where he was headed, but he did have an idea. It was an idea that, when he considered it, Anne would definitely _not_ like.

Harry scooted closer to Louis, leaning forward to give him the smallest of dry kisses on his cheek. Louis blushed beneath Harry’s lips, getting distracted from the conversation.

“Lou, I want a tattoo.”


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...after a million years, here's an update!
> 
> I just want to apologize to you all that have been following this fic, it's been months without any update. School was in the way, and as much as I tried to write in between, I just couldn't complete the chapter fast enough. 
> 
> However, I made sure to make this chapter longer than usual to somehow make up for my absence. I'm going to try to work on the next chapter more, so I can update a lot sooner.
> 
> I want to thank my awesome beta [Natty](http://louisfringe.tumblr.com) for editing this super quick for me. This fic would suck without your help.
> 
> Don't forget to tell me what you think!

Prior to this, Louis didn't care much for tattoos, however, it’s safe to say his opinions had changed a bit.

Harry wasted no time in getting the tattoo, despite everybody’s advice to wait to make sure he was certain about it. Anne, as expected, went crazy, pleading and trying to persuade him to change his mind. It was no use however because, without her and Des knowing, Harry walked into the tattoo parlor and got it done.

Louis trailed behind him as did Liam and Zayn; Niall would've joined them if it weren't for his boss calling him last minute to take a shift.

Once they walked out of the parlor, Louis’ face couldn't be any more flushed and Harry’s couldn't be happier. The fresh sparrows on his chest were covered temporarily as they healed, and Harry was looking forward to letting them free.

The four crammed into Liam’s car and drove off to the nearest bar, as Louis had demanded alcohol.

“It's the middle of the day, Lou,” Liam tried to reason, only for Louis to huff in annoyance. “It's five o’clock somewhere, Liam. You know well enough to not try to stop me.”

It wasn't even fifteen minutes later that the bunch entered the nearest empty bar without much difficulty. Louis led the way to the back corner, clutching Harry’s hand as they made their way through.

The bartender asked the group for their orders. Louis absentmindedly ordered two of his favorite drinks, one for himself and another for Harry. It didn't occur to him until Harry mentioned it that he's never had alcohol.

“Is it gross?” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear, his big hands on his small waist.

Louis only shrugged. “It depends on the person, but if you don't really want to try, you can order something nonalcoholic, love.”

With furrowed brows, Harry shook his head. “I want to try.”

As they waited for their drinks to arrive, Zayn asked Harry if his chest hurt.

“It's a little sore,” he admitted, attempting not to rub the pained area.

Glasses filled with the alcohol were slid towards the lads, bringing smiles to the majority of their faces. Before Louis dared to touch him, he wanted to make sure Harry was going to be alright. He felt silly that he was concerned about Harry tasting alcohol for the first time. Luckily, the drink Louis ordered for Harry wasn’t too strong. It was just strong enough to burn slightly as it went down his throat.

Harry brought the glass up to his lips, eyes darting back to Louis, who gave him a reassuring smile. “You can just take a sip, babe.”

With his head tilted back a bit, Harry drank more than a sip and almost immediately grimaced due to the bitter taste. It took a moment for him to let the liquid slide down his throat before he claimed he liked it, going back to drink some more. Once Louis knew all was fine with Harry as he talked to Liam and Zayn, he picked up his drink.

Louis watched on as Harry asked Zayn more in-depth questions about the art of tattoos and some of the meanings behind his. As Louis mentioned beforehand, the majority of his own tattoos were meaningless, but there was a handful of them that meant something to Zayn.

A couple hours and a few drinks later, the group exited the bar and headed to drop off Harry and Louis at Louis’ apartment. The two bundled together in the backseat, shielding them from the cold weather outside.

The two entered the flat, rubbing their hands together and taking off the extra layers of clothing, thankful that they were now inside with the heater on.

“Hey, Lou? Mind helping me with taking off the bandage and cleaning the tattoo? It's been a few hours, so I'm good to take it off now,” Harry said.

Louis replied, “Of course, let's head to the bathroom.”

Once in the small bathroom, Harry took off his shirt as Louis reached into one of the drawers for a clean towel. He soaked it with warm water and began to dab at the bandage. He paid attention while the tattoo artist explained the aftercare for the fresh ink, just in case Harry needed help afterward.

A prize should be had been awarded to Louis for not giving into the temptation to allow his fingers to brush along Harry’s torso. He hoped his face wasn't giving too much away. Thankfully, Harry was too oblivious to notice.

When Louis decided the bandage was wet enough, he gently began to take it off of Harry's skin. The warm water allowed the bandage to not stick to his chest, making it easier to take off.

Since Louis was only human, he had to take a moment to blatantly stare at Harry’s bare chest. The two sparrows were tattooed beautifully: the minor details of the wings were Louis’ favorite. The two sparrows facing each other had distinct features that differentiated them from one another. The faces of the sparrows confused Louis a bit. It appeared as if they had eyebrows, which naturally seemed weird to him.

“Why did you make the faces different?” Louis questioned, motioning for Harry to step closer to the sink. “Usually people would make them the same.”

Harry’s breathing hitched at Louis’ question, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. He flinched slightly when Louis began to splash some lukewarm water on his chest, at the same time, rubbing the area softly to remove traces of blood and leaked ink using the antimicrobial soap they bought.

Louis’ heartbeat quickened when he felt Harry’s soft breathes hit his forehead. Giving in, he lifted his head slightly and gave Harry a quick and delicate kiss on his lips, retreating back soon after.

“You're going to think I'm crazy,” Harry whispered.

“Try me.”

With how hesitant and quiet he was, Louis assumed that whatever Harry had to tell him was really important. The suspense was torturing him, so he playfully nipped Harry’s jaw to say ‘get on with it.’

“They're us.”

**\-----**

Harry asked Louis to spend the night at his flat when they realized how late it was getting. This was a first for them, especially since they began to have minor intimacy in their relationship. The younger lad had never stayed overnight even though he’s spent the majority of his time there.

The small flat only included one bedroom, so Louis offered Harry his bed while he claimed the sofa. He wasn’t looking forward to an uncomfortable night of sleep, but he preferred that instead of overwhelming Harry by suggesting they share his bed.

Louis reminded Harry to inform Anne of his plans and whereabouts, not risking another freak out like the last time he spontaneously decided to take Harry out. He and Harry detected her hesitance through the phone, which was reasonable.

Soon after the phone call ended, the two continued to have a movie marathon, since Louis decided that Harry needed to catch up on all of the popular films that were released while he was away.

Louis wasn’t going to ponder the reason for it too closely when Harry’s head landed on his shoulder. His cheeks heated up as Harry scooted closer. The close proximity was welcomed and encouraged to lead to more, but Louis knew those chances were slim and he respected that.

“Lou….”

“Yeah?”

Louis felt the puffs of Harry’s breath on his chest, the strands of Harry’s hair on his neck and under his jaw, and Louis wondered if the beautiful boy could feel the rapid beating of his heart. The effect Harry had on him was out of his world, the older lad thought.

“Your heart’s beating so fast,” Harry stated quietly.

Louis wasn’t going to be reserved when telling him how alive he made him feel. “That’s what you do to me.”

Instantly, Harry’s face reddened. “I suppose that's not a bad thing, right?”

“You're correct, love.”

A soft warm hand grasped Louis’, pulling it towards Harry’s body and placing it over his heart. It was then that Louis could also feel how rapid the younger lad’s heart was beating. With just a thin t-shirt as a barrier, Louis could feel the definition of Harry’s chest underneath his palm.

“It gets like that whenever you're near,” Harry whispered. “But not because I’m scared, it's because I like it.”

Louis wanted more, so much more of everything with him.

“You like me being near you?”

Harry shifted, relaxing his body beside Louis. “Yeah, makes me feel safe.”

It wasn't that Louis didn't know what to say in response, he just didn't know how. For years, Louis had beat himself down repeatedly for not protecting Harry that day twelve years ago. Harry wasn’t safe under his care and it tore Louis apart. So it was hard to believe that not only did Harry feel comfortable with him, but he also felt safe. Finding comfort in someone’s presence allows a person to be themselves without any hesitation. For a person to make another feel safe meant feeling physically protected, and that above all meant the world to Louis. Nothing mattered to Louis more than Harry’s safety. The younger lad has not felt safe for twelve years, which fueled Louis’ determination for him to never have to worry about his safety, especially while he was with him..

“All I want is for you to feel safe, Harry. You don't deserve to feel like you're unprotected, you shouldn't have to worry about that.”

“It's only when you're with me though. I still worry whenever you're not with me.”

With the film forgotten, playing in the background, Louis rubbed his hand gently on Harry’s chest, going upwards until he softly placed his hand behind his neck. Making Harry look up, Louis leaned down and firmly pressed their lips together.

Harry sighed into the kiss, surprising Louis as he began to move his lips against his. Without a second to think about it, Harry pulled him closer, wrapping his arm around Louis’ small waist.

The room heated up the more they kept snogging, and Louis couldn't point the finger at the heater for increasing the temperature.

Louis has never been one to think of his next move whenever he was intimate with another man. He was quite confident in himself to make the right moves to make the other person feel good. Confidence went out the window when it came to Harry, however. Louis couldn't stop thinking, internally panicking if he was taking things too far with him.

Harry pulled away, panting against Louis’ lips, raising his eyebrows in a frown. “Why are you tense?”

“I don't want to go too far,” he confessed, licking his lips and liking the fact that he could taste Harry on them.

“We’re just kissing, Lou. I don't want anything more.”

Louis swallowed and closed his eyes to catch his breath. “I know, baby. And I'm not going to push you, don't want to hurt you.”

Circling his arms around Louis’ neck, Harry pressed his lips to his cheek. “You won't ever hurt me, I know that for sure.”

“Never,” Louis promised, sealing it with another kiss.

**\-----**

It hit two in the morning when Louis detached himself from Harry’s clinging arms. The position they fell asleep in was more than uncomfortable.

But before he temporarily woke Harry to lead him to his bedroom for the rest of the night, Louis pulled out his phone from his pocket. Pulling up _Google_ , he tapped on the search bar, typed in “ _sparrow tattoos_ ” and what he read from the first link and several afterward made him freeze.

There was a mixture of words that were listed to describe what sparrows symbolized: protection, warmth, freedom, hope.

He understood why Harry chose this design to be his first, but what Louis didn't get was what Harry meant when he said the sparrows on his chest signified them. Louis would like to think some of the words describing a sparrow tattoo could be applied to him as well as in regards to their friendship, but obviously, he didn't know what went on in Harry’s head to know.

Overwhelmed by the new information, Louis moved Harry to his bed before retiring on the couch for the rest of the night.

The following morning consisted of Louis teaching Harry how to make pancakes after an advert for the local pancake house played on TV. Instead of leaving the flat to go eat at the restaurant, Louis decided to teach Harry. It was a fun experience for the both of them, especially when more flour ended up on both them than in the bowl.

“I never thought you'd be such a messy person, Harold,” Louis teased, wiping off the countertops.

Shaking the flour out of his hair and onto the counter, which Louis had just wiped clean. Harry giggled. “Oh c’mon, Lou. It's fun to just be messy once in a while.”

“I guess,” he murmured, angrily wiping off the space Harry shook the flour on.

Once the kitchen was spotless (flourless), they retreated to the bathroom to clean up Harry’s tattoo. Louis hummed happily when he noticed it healing nicely, knowing that in no time it would look stunning once the redness faded.

It was then that Louis chose to speak up about his late night discovery of the meaning of a sparrow tattoo. He refused to omit any of the details he gathered: he’d feel better if he just knew.

“So,” Louis started. “Last night when you were sleeping, I was pretty bored and I didn't want to wake you, so I just messed around with my phone and somehow I ended up on tattoo meanings.”

Harry nodded his head, eyebrows furrowed, patiently waiting for him to carry on. “And I saw several meanings for it, so I'm just curious, like, what does yours specifically mean to you?”

There wasn't a moment to even think about it for Harry because he knew exactly why he wanted them and what they meant to him. Now, he just wasn't sure if it would be too much or weird for Louis to know the truth. He also couldn't very well lie, what was the point in that?

“I told you they were us.”

“Yeah,” Louis confirmed.

“When I went hiking with my parents and Gemma, I saw a beautiful bird on a branch not that far away from me,” he began. “And Des, I mean, my dad, he told me that it was a barn sparrow and he asked if I knew what they meant. Of course, I didn't know, so he revealed that they meant protection and home.”

Louis remembered reading that last night.

“For as long as I can remember, I've never felt protected or warm. I've never had a place to call home; I didn't know what it meant for the longest time. Which is crazy because I had one here the entire time. And when I saw Zayn’s tattoos and he told me that it was the easiest way to express himself.”

Harry reached out for Louis’ soft hands, needing the warmth he craved and only received from the beautiful man beside him. “I'm having a hard time expressing myself, and I understand that it's not going to be easy. Dr. Nolan taught me that it'd be really beneficial for me if I found something that could help me express myself and this tattoo symbolizes that.”

Louis brought their intertwined hands up, pressing small kisses on Harry’s knuckles.

“It was a no-brainer to me. Nothing would have seemed right if I didn't incorporate you into it. For the most part, I feel protected and I know what warmth is, I know what home is, and it's because of you. They also mean hope and you give me so much of it.”

Tears threatened to fall momentarily before they eventually did, and Louis just allowed them to without protest.

“I'm about to start university, it's something I'm looking forward to, and you gave the push I needed. _You_ gave me the confidence to get things started. I found something I really enjoy in photography and you only encourage me. Louis, you're the definition of hope to me.”

It took Louis personally asking Harry the meaning of the tattoo for him to fully understand it. Once the story behind Harry’s decision was told and digested, Louis ultimately came to the realization that he was undeniably in love with this boy.

**\-----**

Harry’s kidnapping case came to a halt right before Christmas. There wasn't clear enough evidence to lead them to his kidnapper. It angered Harry’s parents when they received the news, leaving Des to yell at the detectives working on the case. They needed the perpetrator to be incarcerated, locked away from Harry and the other kids that he could possibly endanger.

Harry, however, had mixed feelings about the new information. In no way did he want _him_ to be left roaming the streets in search of his newest victim, but at the same time, he didn't want to anger _him_ more by getting him thrown in jail. Angering him more than he probably already has left the risk of _him_ wanting vengeance for leading the police to him. It could lead to numerous possibilities that Harry didn't want to be a part of.

Whether he was locked away in prison or out on the streets, Harry would never feel fully safe.

Louis, as did almost everybody, felt differently.

“Love, I just don't understand why you're thinking that way,” Louis pondered, trying to see Harry’s point of view in this situation.

Harry expressed his feelings about the situation to the detectives and dared to ask if they could just stop the case all together, which they declined immediately. While Louis fully supported Harry’s decisions without judging him for them, he couldn't quite understand this one.

A little bit after Harry returned home months ago, he read up on the emotions a person who's been abducted might feel towards their kidnapper. It surprised him when he read that both children and adults may feel bonded to their kidnapper, as if it were possible to be manipulated into believing that they weren't such bad people.

Harry shrugged, picking at a piece of lint on his jumper.

Louis hesitated. “You...you don't think he's not guilty, right?” He was only met with silence. “Harry.”

“I don't want to talk about it, Louis. Can you please drop it?” he requested, almost pleading with Louis.

It's a rare occurrence for Harry to push Louis away, and while Louis understood why he may be distancing himself, he still wants to help his boy. “I just want to help. You know I am here for you, always. If you’re willing to open up to me, I’m still going to care for you so much. You’ve been so brave, this whole time, you’ve been nothing but strong.”

“How am I being brave? Or strong? For twelve years I have allowed this guy to do whatever he wanted to me. Most of the time, I didn’t fight back. How is that brave, Louis?”

Louis’ heart broke, but he wouldn’t allow Harry to know that. “You’re brave because you didn’t give up. God knows all the things he did to you yet, here you are. You managed to escape, you are slowly but surely moving on and doing something with your life. You can’t underestimate how much it takes for anybody in your situation to do that.”

Harry couldn’t see it the way Louis saw it.

“Can we stop, please?” he begged.

“I’m here for you, Harry,” Louis replied softly.

A sigh escaped Harry’s lips. “I know. Thank you, but there are some things I don't like to nor am I ready to talk about. I just need you to respect that.”

“Of course, I'm sorry.”

Harry leaned forward, pressing their lips together. The sentiment was so gentle that it made Louis’ heart soar.

“You're cute.”

“I'm not cute, Haz, I'm rugged and sexy.”

“Yes you are, baby.”

**\-----**

The joyous festivities of Christmas excited Harry the closer the holidays approached. He knew it was a day where families spent time together with lots of food and presents. The Styles family weren't very religious before, but Anne planned to go to church on Christmas Day, to give thanks for bringing their Harry back home.

However, when he found out that Christmas Eve coincides with Louis’ birthday, he went berserk. Louis didn't even mention it to him, Harry had to find out from Gemma.

She was lounging around in the living room. They were both slowing deteriorating due to boredom. “So have you picked what you’re getting Louis for his birthday?”

Harry shot up from his laying position. “What?”

“His birthday?” She said slowly.

“When is it?”

“You don't remember?” She then asked. Harry gave her a stern look. “Oops, I forgot. His birthday is on Christmas Eve.”

Gemma watched on as Harry abruptly left the room only to return with her car keys in hands and a coat on. He threw the keys near her, careful that he didn't aim them right at her head. “Let's go.”

“And where are we going?”

“To buy Louis a birthday present.”

She groaned. “You bought him a Christmas present already, why don't you tell him that it's both for Christmas and his birthday?”

The look on his face was enough for Gemma to go out the door with her brother in tow.

Louis’ Christmas present wasn't found in a crowded store, so Harry didn't have to experience the mayhem that was the mall. His hands clamped up as he took in his surroundings, children ran chaotically, adults pushed and shoved others out of their way to get to their destination. Harry had never seen the zoo, he was only aware of what it was, and the scene before him made it seem like he was at one.

“Animals,” Gemma muttered before gesturing to Harry to follow her. “I think I know a store that has stuff Louis would like.” The two respectfully followed the crowd to the store Gemma mentioned, however, Harry abruptly stopped when he saw the massive Christmas tree.

Their parents had yet to buy a Christmas tree, opting to wait until the weekend so they have the four of them present without interruptions. Harry’s read about the stunning sight that the tree was. Beginning with the pine smell that brought comfort into a home, with an array of shiny tinsil scattered around the tree: reds, golds, and silvers. The small and colorful lights combined with the ornaments, made the tree radiant. What impressed Harry the most was how tall the tree was. The mall was three stories high, and the tip of the tree hit the third floor.

What Harry nearly missed was the long line full of children with their parents, waiting for something. A little boy, no more than three, bounced at the front of the line. Harry watched as the boy was given the go ahead to make his way to Santa Claus, who was sat slouched in his throne.

“He's fake, right?” Harry asked Gemma, not at all quietly.

His carelessness backfired when a girl gasped, pulled her dad’s arm and asked with fear in her eyes, “Santa’s not real?”

Gemma’s eyes widened when the girl began to repeatedly ask her father, practically yelling at the man. He crouched down to her level and asked her why she would ask such a question, of course, he's real. Her only answer was to point at Harry, in which caused Gemma to apologize profusely and deny what her brother said. She grabbed his arm and tugged him away.

“You ruined a girl's life,” Gemma stated.

With heated cheeks, Harry ran his fingers through his hair. “I did not mean for her to hear that. Should I go and apologize as well?”

“You've done enough, let's just hurry so we can go home.”

What was meant to be a quick shopping trip, turned into a three hour outing only to head home empty handed because Harry, for the life of him, could not find another present for Louis. He could've gotten something simple like he did for his Christmas present, but this was his _birthday,_ and his birthday present was obligated to be nothing short of special.

It wasn't until they returned home from the failed shopping trip that Harry finally got an idea for Louis’ birthday. With only a few days left, Harry got to work immediately.

**\-----**

Although he's used to waking right when the sun began to shine, Louis loathed being up early. Without a cup of tea and something small to eat, he was nothing but a grouch. So when his phone blared at _seven_ in the morning, Louis was sure he was going to lose it. Nobody should be waking early during the holiday break, and one shouldn't be woken up early on his birthday. His family, friends and coworkers were well aware that they were  not to disturb his sleep just to wish him a happy birthday, so he was confused as to why his phone was constantly ringing.

Angrily, Louis detached his phone from its charger and slid to answer the phone without bothering to see who was calling. “What?” He muttered.

“Happy Birthday, Lou!”

 _Harry_. It's funny, because Louis didn't recall telling him when his birthday was. He wasn't sure if Harry actually remembered or if Anne or Gemma told him.

Nonetheless, his grumpiness and annoyance were replaced with pure fondness. “Aw, thanks, love.”

“I know it's early, but I just woke up, and I couldn't wait to tell you,” the younger lad informed Louis.

Louis could not get enough of Harry’s morning voice. It was so croaky and rough, not giving any indication that it was the voice of a nineteen year old.

“You're so sweet,” Louis cooed, earning a “ _shut up_ ” from Harry. “Anyway, since I'm up, what are we doing today?”

“Aren't you going to celebrate with your family?”

“I'll celebrate it with them tonight. We can spend the day together, if you want, since I won't be seeing you tomorrow.”

“Of course I want to see you, Lou. I always do,” Harry confessed in  a soft tone. “I can get ready quickly, and we can start off with breakfast?”

 _Food and tea._ Louis quickly agreed, telling him he'd be over in a half an hour. It would give them both time to shower and get ready. After cleaning his body for the day, he threw on a pair of black pants and a white t-shirt. He grabbed his car keys, his jean jacket, a beanie and Harry’s Christmas present, and he was on his way.

Instead of sending a text to Harry to let him know he was outside like he normally did, Louis parked the car outside of the Styles’ home and made his way to the front door. He knocked softly a couple times before it swung open.

“Oh! Hey Louis, how are you?” Des greeted, opening the door further for him to walk in.

“Hey Des, I'm good, really good. Happy holidays.”

“And happy birthday to you, the big twenty-two. How does it feel?”

With an exasperated sigh, Louis replied, “Might as well get my will ready, I'm so old.”

Des laughed, clapping Louis on his shoulder. “Start worrying about that in about forty years. Don't get ahead of yourself.”

“Does that mean you've made yours?”

“Shut it, you tosser.”

The two directed their attention to the stairs, where Harry came down, two wrapped presents in hand. Anne trailed her son, greeting Louis with a hug.

“Happy Birthday, Louis.”

“Thank you, Anne,” Louis said, giving her a tight squeeze. “And thanks for letting me borrow your son for the day.”

“Only because it's your birthday,” she pointed at him.

After promising Anne that they wouldn’t stay out too late, the two went to the car and Louis began to drive. Not even five minutes into the drive did Harry ask Louis to pull over. 

“Why?” Louis asked.

Harry sighed. “Just do it.”

Louis steered to the left, parking the car. He turned to Harry with a raised brow, he noticed he was biting his lip hard. “Well? What's wrong, Harry?”

Louis’ confusion grew when Harry took off his seatbelt and took Louis’ head in his hands. Next thing Louis knew, Harry’s soft and bitten lips pressed against his. When he snapped out of his daze, Louis responded with gusto, his lips moving along with his boy’s.

Harry pulled away slightly before leaning back in to give Louis one last firm kiss. “Happy Birthday, Lou,” he said with a whisper.

“Happy birthday indeed,” Louis chuckled.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to do anything in front of my parents. It would’ve been quite awkward, yeah?”

Louis gave him a gentle peck on the cheek. “Maybe a bit. It was hard to refrain from doing anything because you looked really handsome.”

The comment made Harry look down at his outfit. It was something rather simple. “I guess. You however, look so much better.”

“Eh, I’m okay in comparison.”

“Lou, c’mon, you're so beautiful,” Harry murmured, dragging the tips of his fingers through Louis’ scruff. He didn’t particularly like the way Louis brushed the compliment away, almost like he didn’t believe what he said was true. In Harry’s eyes, nobody could be more beautiful than his Louis inside or out. He wanted nothing more than for Louis to know that.

With a fixed expression and nothing but sincerity, Harry softly responded, “Listen, I never thought I'd get the chance to see beauty from where I was, but, with you in my life, I was so wrong.”

Louis had no words to describe how he felt. When he compared what he currently had with his life the year before, he was overwhelmed, confused, so grateful and lucky. The boy he lost was now a man that was the love of his life, he firmly believed that.

He's spending his 22nd birthday with Harry. The last time they celebrated was when Louis turned ten.

“All you have to do is look in the mirror, you'll always find something gorgeous,” Louis replied.

“I'd rather look at you to be honest.”

The restaurant they went to for breakfast had the most delicious food that Louis’ ever had. It was a new business, so neither of the boys had the chance to try it yet. They happily ate their food as they talked about random things. It amazed Louis how easily their conversation could flow without ever running out of things to talk about. The waitress placed the bill on the table, but before Louis could reach for it, Harry snatched it away.

“What do you think you're doing?”

Harry pulled out his wallet, fishing out some cash he had neatly tucked inside it. “Paying for breakfast.”

“And where did you find the money?”

Harry shrugged. “Found it laying around,” he said with a small smirk.

Louis would have to thank Anne and Des later. “Thank you, love. So, what's next?”

“Gemma told me about a place, but I don't know if it's such a good idea.”

Gemma suggested that Harry take Louis to an ice skating rink, and just as Harry predicted, it wasn't such a good idea. The poor boy fell more times than Louis could count; he could only imagine how his bum felt after landing on it several times. After thirty minutes of slipping and falling, Harry put an end to it.

“Okay. My body can only take so much of this,” Harry said with a huff.

Louis on the other hand felt bad for Harry because he saw that he was trying, but he also wanted to laugh, because when isn't someone falling at least a little funny and entertaining.

“How about we go get some hot chocolate and then head to a park so we can exchange our Christmas gifts, yeah?”

“And your birthday present,” Harry smiled.

When they reached the snow covered park, they were the only ones there since no one dared to be outside in the cold. Louis turned up the heat, warming the car. Almost immediately the windows began to fog up, the white snow nearly invisible behind the glass.

“So I'm going first,” Louis stated, pulling out a Christmas bag from behind Harry’s seat. He placed the bag on his boy’s lap, already full of nerves over how he'd react.

Hesitantly, Harry pulled out the white tissue paper, dropping it on the space by his feet. Once all the tissue paper was out, he reached in for the first thing he could grab. A loose piece of hair fell in front of his face, and before Louis had a second to think about it, he moved it away. He laughed at Harry’s confused expression when he pulled out a bag of candy. He looked at Louis, waiting for an explanation.

“That was your favorite candy as a little lad. You weren't a big chocolate fan, so you fancied more of the sour kind.”

Harry wordlessly reached back in the bag, pulling out a harmonica.

“You used to annoy everybody with the one you had, but it was your favorite thing. You thought you really knew how to play the instrument.”

A _Power Rangers_ DVD, because it was the first present that Louis bought for Harry with his own money when he was six. A flower crown made my Louis himself, which Harry immediately put on. The last thing Harry pulled out was a black velvet box and once he opened it, Louis held his breath. He found Harry staring at the ring on a day they went Christmas shopping for Louis’ large family.

It was a silver ring with dancing bears in the middle, black filled the space between the bears. It was silly to Louis that something so random interested Harry, but he didn't labor over the decision to  buy it.

“You remembered,” Harry said in awe.

“Of course, love. Why don't you put it on?” Needless to say, it looked quite good on him. “Perfect.”

“You gave me too much,” Harry whispered.

Louis only shrugged. “I have to make up for all the lost years.”

Harry thanked him with a kiss, much to Louis’ delight.

“Lost years, huh?”

“I was pretty much lost without you, to be quite honest.”

There they went again, the butterflies that Harry elicited  in the pit of Louis’ stomach. There was no way he could not smile after how thoughtful Louis was. He managed to bring back part of his childhood in it knowing how curious Harry was about it. However, Harry felt like _something_ was missing, something needed to be said for the moment to be complete, he just didn't know what.

“Alright, my turn. Since you gave me my Christmas gift, I’ll you that one first.” The excitement in Harry’s eyes was welcomed wholeheartedly by Louis, and he would fall asleep happily every night knowing his thoughtfulness made Harry shine so bright.

It was Louis’ favorite football team’s jumper. He mentioned to Harry that he had misplaced it and hadn't seen it in months, when in reality he was fully aware that his boy had taken and kept it. He thought it was adorable, so he never called Harry out on it.

“I've been needing another one, I still can't find my other one,” Louis teased discreetly.

Harry chuckled in return with a blush. “Yeah, that's so weird.” Louis loved him so much.

Another bag was handed to Louis, it was pretty big, he had to move his seat back so there could be more room between himself and the steering wheel. Unlike Harry who carefully pulled the tissue paper out, Louis was a kid at heart, so ripped it out like he did for every birthday and Christmas gift since he could remember.

He peeked inside and found a book. Harry stayed silent as he watched on, his hands in his hair and his teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

Louis flipped the first page of the thin navy book, coming across a beautiful picture of the oh so familiar park, a park that was so significant in Louis’ childhood with Harry. As Louis flipped through the various pages, he came to realize that they were all of the shots of the places he and Harry visited: the cinema, the beach, and London to name a few. What made Louis’ throat close around the tears that threatened to escape was that in each place they visited, not only was there a picture of the beautiful scenery, but on the corresponding page, there was a picture of Louis at that place. He didn't even notice Harry taking all those pictures of him, perhaps that's why they were so stunning, he was able to capture a candid precious moment.

“That one is my favorite.” Harry pointed to a picture of Louis at the beach they've been to plenty of times already. Louis was so lost in thought that he hadn’t even noticed Harry taking a picture so up close. The sun had set behind Louis, casting the warmest of colors around him. Harry had taken the pictures from his right side, displaying Louis’ side profile. He wore sunglasses, but one could still see the crinkles in the corner of his eye, making it clear that he had been smiling at the water.

“You took all of these?”

Harry nodded, his head down to hide his face. “You were the first person to encourage this...I guess passion of mine. And all of the places you took me were worthy of capturing, _you_ were worth capturing at these beautiful places.”

_I love you._

**\-----**

Every year since he turned eighteen, Louis had made a point to celebrate the new year the way it deserved: with music, dancing, and lots of alcohol. He loved the idea of celebrating the year he had, whether it was good or bad, in addition to celebrating what was to come the following year.

This year was different though because of the newest addition to his adult life. He still believed that the end of the year and the start of a new one needed to be commemorated, but not in the way he had done so for the last four years. He wasn't heading out to a party in hopes of getting smashed and laid.

“We could have Niall, Liam, and Zayn come to my flat, and we’ll just have a quiet celebration,” Louis suggested to Harry while they ate the dinner that Anne had prepared for them.

Louis looked over when he didn't hear Harry’s respond. The younger lad’s hair was hiding underneath a beanie. “What was that?”

“My mom asked if I could spend New Year's Eve with them, and I feel like I should?”

The main purpose of Louis spending New Year's Eve with Harry was to get that infamous kiss on the first second of the new year. Louis understood that holidays are meant to be spent with family, and Harry's already with him more than he was with his family, so he owes it to them. He couldn't be selfish and keep his boy close to him when his parents and sister also went twelve years without him.

“Of course you should, you can't be with me _all_ the time, as much as you want to,” Louis joked, shooting him a smile.

He would be surprised if anybody in the club heard anything besides the club, and as Louis attempted to listen to Liam rant about something adorable that Zayn did, he realized that he was actually happy that he couldn't hear the mushiness. Plus, he'd rather talk about Harry and something adorable _he_ did for breakfast one morning a few days ago.

When he concluded that enough was enough, Louis chugged the rest of his drink and excused himself to the bar to get another one. “You lads want another one?”

“I'll have another pint,” Niall yelled out.

“Same,” Liam said.

“I'll go with you,” Zayn told Louis, giving Liam a kiss on the forehead.

 _Ew_ , Louis thought. The two made their way to the crowded bar, trying not to push everyone in their way. The people in the way of them getting alcohol needed to _go away._

Zayn used his charm to lure the bartender over to them and get their drinks. Louis rolled his eyes at him, but didn't complain since it meant that their drinks were being prepared.

“You know you've been sort of miserable since we've gotten here,” Zayn pointed out, as if Louis needed to be reminded that his mood wasn't up to par. “You really like Harry, don't you?”

Louis scoffed, only because he knew he was _so_ obvious now. He didn't see the point in being discreet about it anymore. “What gave that away?” He still managed to joke.

“Why isn't he here again?” He thanked the bartender with a wink.

“His parents wanted him to be with them.”

Silver confetti exploded into the air, announcing that it was the top of the hour. There was only one hour left until midnight, and the closer that time came, the more Louis moped.

“You should at least be there for that midnight kiss, don't you think?” He asked, raising a brow.

It wasn't like Louis hadn’t already thought of asking Harry if it'd be alright for him to be with his family as well as they waited for the new year. It went back to him trying not to be selfish though, and it was so difficult when he just wanted to be with Harry all the time. “I don't want to, like, intrude.”

“Sealing a kiss with the one you love at midnight is supposed to bring you two good luck in the upcoming year.”

“Did you pull that information out of your arse?” Louis laughed, sipping his drink.

Zayn only shrugged, grabbing his and Liam’s drinks. “Who knows, Lou, but I'm just saying you should head over there. God knows you need luck by your side. And you should tell him you love him.”

“Prick.”

With his and Niall’s pints in hand, Louis looked around him, at the different people looking like they were having the time of their lives. A couple to his far left were snogging against the wall, too engrossed in each other to be aware of their surroundings. Louis knew what that felt like, he felt it every time Harry was in his presence. Nothing else mattered when he was Harry. Things had been so great that Louis was convinced he was dreaming the majority of the time.

Time was running out, Louis needed to decide quickly if he was going to ditch his mates to get to Harry in time.

As if Louis needed to think about it.

**\-----**

Harry glanced at the time on his phone for the upteenth time as his parents mingled with family friends in the kitchen. He was left alone with the children, who spoke loudly and obnoxiously while Harry hadn't spoken a word for what seemed like hours. It was exhausting to continuously have these adults that he's never seen in his life attempt to smother him with questions about adapting to reality. He felt it was intrusive and inappropriate due to the severity of his situation. Thankfully, his mum stepped in when needed, but it still didn't help his anxiety.

He played with the ring Louis gave him for Christmas, the dancing bears bringing a smile to his face. Harry liked that just the thought of Louis was enough to make him temporarily happy. He made the darkness go away with his brightness. He wished he could be with Louis right now, but when his mum asked if he'd stay with them, he felt like he needed to agree.

A girl that looked a couple years younger than Harry planted herself beside him and sighed with frustration. Harry forgot her name. “Between you and me, I _really_ didn't want to be here tonight.”

She was too close to him- their arms brushed. Harry knew it'd be rude to just shove her to the other side of the sofa, since there was so plenty of room for her to give him some personal space.

“My friend’s parents are away, so he's throwing a New Year's Eve party right now, yet I'm here.” Harry twisted the ring on his finger, mute to the world. “The guy I fancy is there, do you know how frustrating that is?”

“Guess not,” Harry answered, his body tense.

“He's probably going to kiss another bird at midnight, when it should be me,” she hissed.

His hair began to damp with sweat the more the girl ranted because _she wouldn't move._ “Hey, do you mind scooting over a bit?”

She didn't listen and Harry was too frozen and about to lose it. “I've never been kissed on New Year's Eve. How depressing is that?”

Harry wondered if all teenagers acted like this girl; he hoped they didn’t. He pondered what the big deal was about people kissing at midnight, _was it a real thing?_ “Hey...what if?” She asked.

“What?” Harry breathed.

“I haven't seen you with anyone, you've been alone all night. How about you and I kiss at midnight?” She suggested, and Harry’s eyes widened.

“Um...no.”

Oh, if looks could kill. “Why not? I'm pretty, don't you think? Do you not like me?”

“I don't know you,” Harry whispered, leaning back as she leaned forward.

“Come on kiddos! We have ten minutes until twelve!”

Harry couldn't get off the sofa fast enough, heading to the room where the adults were, their eyes on the television. As he entered the room, the doorbell rang unexpectedly. Des left the room to answer it, asking Anne if she expected anybody else, to which she said no. A couple minutes went by, making it two minutes until they started counting down.

“Harry?”

He turned around to where his father stood near the entrance. “Yeah?”

“You have a visitor,” he informed his son with a small grin.

Anne gave her husband a look, tempted to ask who Harry’s visitor was. Harry brushed it off and timidly walked to the front of the house, where he saw his sunshine standing, looking nervous with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey love,” Louis greeted, opening his arms for his boy, who didn't hesitate to accept it.

“What are you doing here?” He spoke into Louis’ neck, giving him a small kiss below his ear.

“ _Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five…”_

Louis pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around his neck.

“ _F_ _our, three, two...one!_ ”

“Happy New Year,” Louis told him before pressing their lips together.

Normally Louis tasted very sweet, and it was something Harry really liked because it reminded him of candy. Louis’ taste was nothing but bitter, however, while it was different than what he was used to, Harry liked it all the same. Poppers went off in the background, the noise startling him, but Harry refused to let go of Louis and stop kissing him.

His hands landed on Louis’ hips, where he squeezed gently knowing he liked that. Harry wouldn't have imagined having the confidence to touch anyone freely and yet here he was, surprising himself once again with what he was able to do despite the trauma he endured.

Unfortunately, they needed to breathe. Harry placed another kiss to the tip of Louis’ nose. “Happy New Year, baby.” The term of endearment was so new for Harry, but it felt so natural to refer Louis as it. From the very beginning, Louis had called him _love_ , and it made him blush almost every time, so Harry believed it was only right for him to return that endearment.

Louis lifted himself on the tips of his toes to be level with Harry, who still needed to bow his head to match them up. And against Harry’s lips, Louis promised, “I'm going to make this the best year for us. I want you to be so happy in 2014 and from here on out.”

If Louis’ near, that wouldn't be much of a problem.

**\-----**

January marked more than half of a year since Harry returned to everybody's lives, and after spending the majority of his time in therapy and readapting to the life he had left behind, he was going to endure something new and quite frightening.

The mere interest in attending university was such a huge step. Dr. Nolan expressed to Harry and his parents how shocked she was to hear he was going through with it. She revealed that some of her patients took many years to be comfortable enough to move on with their lives after a traumatic experience.

No one doubted the bravery and strength within Harry. They were all nothing but proud, but nobody more so than Louis. Harry wouldn't be anywhere if it weren't for Louis being there every step of the way. He'd be stuck in his bedroom, lost, miserable and absolutely terrified of the outside world and probably of his own family.

It hadn't been easy, it's something he'll be working on for the rest of his life. He's committed to doing so.

In order to progress, he knew further education was essential. After the various exams he had to take to get in, he'd been accepted to an university that were allowing him to start mid-year for the spring term.

His morning class, Intro to Photography, started at eight, which was perfect for Louis to come along with him. If he was late, he knew his little students wouldn't mind.

“First days are usually boring, professors just go through the plan for the course,” Louis informed Harry, squeezing his hand that he held as he drove.

Harry nodded, not really paying attention due to the distraction of his nerves coursing through his entire body.

“After your class, Niall should meet you and show you where your other class is.”

“Alright,” Harry replied.

His tone made Louis quickly glance at him. “Haz, you'll be fine. And if, for whatever reason, you start feeling uncomfortable, I'm only a phone call away. You know that, right?”

“Yes, Louis.”

Harry was beginning to question if he made the right choice, or if he should've waited a little longer. He let go of Louis’ hold to wipe both of his hands on his black skinnies. His heart was nearly beating out of his chest as they pulled into the university parking lot. He debated making a run for it once Louis stopped the car.

“Can I have a kiss?” Louis asked him. “I think it would calm us both down.”

“Why do you need to calm down? What are you worried about?” Harry wondered.

Louis shot him a bewildered look. “Are you kidding me? You think you're nervous? It's taking so much in me to not turn this car around and take you to school with me.”

“I don't understand.”

“If I could have it my way, I would have you with me always because at least I know you're safe. I don't know what I'll do if I lost you again,” Louis explained to him.

Louis would have explained himself further, if it weren't for Harry kissing him, not that he was complaining.

The atmosphere after Louis dropped him off felt strange to Harry, he couldn't pinpoint the cause of the sudden change. The nerves were still present, but they were mixed with a sensation that he was unfamiliar with. The feeling made Harry hyperaware of his surroundings.

Harry didn't know what to expect when walking into the lecture hall, but the last thing was hundreds of students in just one classroom. With his cellphone in hand ready to call Louis, Harry decided to stay safe in the back of the room.

He felt out of place seeing almost everybody talking with one another, while he sat silent and alone. The professor brought herself to the front of the room, and when everybody noticed, they quieted down and brought out their supplies.

Harry pulled out his laptop, welcoming the picture of the London Eye that was his home screen. He opened a blank word document and waited for his professor to begin.

“Welcome ladies and gents. This is _Intro to Photography_ , the lecture class. Besides Mondays, we also meet on Wednesdays but at the computer lab, where I'll teach you more hands on stuff associated with the world of photography.”

Pretty much what Louis told Harry was true, Professor Martin went on about the course and its expectations for the duration of the class. Different students asked appropriate questions in regards to the course. The simple photography terminology that the professor used sparked excitement in Harry. He was ready to learn about something he loved in detail, to enhance his knowledge and skill.

He felt better once the professor dismissed the class, letting out a sigh of relief once he left the lecture hall. He was grateful to distance himself from the large number of people. There was only so much he could handle at once.

“ _Harry!_ ” Spinning around, Harry collided with a very hyperactive Niall. “Hey mate, how was your first class?”

Harry opted out of telling Niall the whole truth. To his knowledge, Harry took a gap year until the spring term, wanting to wait to firmly decide what career path to take. Niall, as a kind hearted yet oblivious person, didn't question it and just accepted what he was told.

He handed Niall his schedule that had his next class’ location. “It was good, kinda boring, since we didn't really dive into anything yet.”

“That's what it's always like.”

“That's what Louis told me.”

It was fascinating for Harry to see the amount of people approaching Niall with smiles. He wasn't surprised at all to see how popular the Irish lad was on campus, as he had the personality for it. Niall was just impossible to not like, and it made sense as to why Harry felt somewhat comfortable enough to call him his mate.

There was a half an hour until their next class started, so Harry and Niall decided to get some lunch. As they walked to the university food court, the unidentifiable feeling still bothered Harry. He nervously looked around him, seeing several face he didn't recognize, trying to find something that could help him figure out why he felt so odd.

The line for the coffee shop went far out the door, people desperate to get a warm beverage to save them from the chilly weather.

Harry turned his attention momentarily to his vibrating phone, opening up the unread text. ‘ _Hope your first class went well. I miss you xx’_

Lucky wouldn't be the word to describe Harry, given the obvious, but at this moment, with his sunshine in his life, he felt lucky.

Niall claimed he didn't have the patience to wait in the line for some coffee and a small pastry, so he led Harry to get some real food. Surprisingly, they were able to find an empty table in the food court, which Niall informed Harry was a big deal.

“So, there's a party this weekend, you up for it?” Niall asked him.

Harry immediately shook his head. “Um, parties aren't really my thing.”

“Oh c’mon, Haz! This is your first year in university, going to a party is part of it all.”

“That's not a good idea for me. Sorry, Niall.”

Niall had realized that something was up with Harry, and he was a good enough person to not push the guy because it was clear he wasn't ready to share. “Alright, no worries. Let's go find your next class, then.”

The room for his English literature class seemed to be even larger than the last, if that was even possible. Harry tightened his grip on the strap of his bag as he walked to an open seat. The professor hadn't arrived yet, which gave Harry time to relax and get accustomed to the number of people present.

To pass the time, Harry scrolled through the pictures he's saved on his computer, smiling at each one. He remembered not experiencing any stress during those moments, the only gratification from the peacefulness surrounding him.

Too lost in his thoughts, Harry didn't realize the professor had walked into the room and had begun to set up for the lesson. He came across a picture of Louis’ silhouette at a park in London. Although his features couldn't be seen clearly, Harry was still able to capture the radiance of him.

“ _Why, hello everyone._ ”

Despite the strength he had, Harry couldn't move a bone in his body. He was frozen in place, his hands still above the keyboard, his eyes on the screen. He couldn't even tell if his chest moved up and down, Harry didn't think he was even breathing.

_That voice._

“ _I'm Professor Jameson, and hopefully you know that this is English literature._ ”

Harry needed to run and run fast and away from this room, building, and school. He didn't have any control over what his mind was making up, and he couldn't understand why he continued to hallucinate about _him_.

“ _Since it's the first day, I'll be taking roll, just so I could get a look at your faces and try to remember them with your name._ ”

His hands began to shake above the keyboard, his eyes now stinging and watering because he refused to blink. His body had completely shut down the moment the professor spoke. This was the longest hallucination Harry’s had yet, he was desperate for it to be over. He dug his fingers into his skin the more the professor read each student’s name. The roughness of his voice was pricking his skin like needles.

“ _Harry...Styles._ ”

His name being called snapped him from his rigid posture, his body still unbelievably tense in his seat. He lifted his head in the direction of the professor, coldness overtook him when he came to a realization the moment their eyes met.

This whole time, Harry was never hallucinating.


	13. XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no words that can express how sorry I am for taking so so so long to update this fic. The only excuse I have is that school really had me busy this semester. I've mentioned it in the comments about it taking over my life. I've felt so guilty that I have left his incomplete for about five months. But the semster is practically done and I'm free for a couple months! This fic is almost over! I'm determined to get it done as soon as possible. 
> 
> To my ever oh so patient and wonderful beta, [Natty](http://louisfringe.tumblr.com). Thank you for putting up with me. Go check out her tumblr!
> 
> As always, tell me what you think!

_Dark gray walls surrounded Harry, caving in on him. The boy sat on the floor; the room was empty and without decoration. His eyes adjusted to the darkness as the sun set, taking the light that had crept into the room with it. Harry waited, counted, and prayed for his parents to come pick him up. He didn’t understand why they let him stay out so late without a thought. He convinced himself that they probably fell asleep and lost track of time. It was the only explanation that made sense._

_His mind went to Louis; the last he’d seen him was at the park, as he hid behind the bushes._ How did he get here? _Had Louis dragged him into the abandoned house and fallen asleep? His thoughts were interrupted by the door to the room opening. Harry shielded his eyes from the shocking brightness._

_“Mummy?”_

_“Oh, little one, I’m not your mummy,” a deep rugged voice goaded. The sound raised goosebumps on Harry’s arms. He retreated to the back of the room, sliding down the wall and folding his legs up to his chest. Although Harry was only seven years old, he was quite aware of things, moreso than other children his age. He noticed his once grass-stained jeans now had dirt covering them. The fabric was torn in multiple places, Harry whimpered at the thought of what could’ve already been done to him. He couldn’t remember what happened after he hid while Louis counted down to one. Harry thought he was smart to hide behind a bush a bit away from Louis and was certain he wasn’t going to be found immediately. His jeans were fine from what he last remembered._

_Despite the horrifying situation, no tears threatened to escape out of Harry’s eyes. He couldn’t appear scared because he’s strong and brave like Louis always said._

_“It’s late, I have to go home,” Harry told the man. He still couldn’t get a clear look at the mysterious man’s face. Harry didn’t recognize his voice, further convincing him that he didn’t know this man at all._

_The man crept closer, squatting down to Harry’s level, which was when his features first came into view. Immediately he noticed the bitter smell coming out of the man’s mouth. He knew it was beer because sometimes he smelled it on his dad when he came home from the pub._

_Harry didn’t like the smell._

_The man’s hair was slicked back. The gel he used made the top of his hair shine. Everything about him screamed dark: his hair, eyes, skin color, even the clothes he wore down to his boots. Harry trembled on the floor, alarmed at the thought of what this man would do to him._

_He and Lou had planned to go swimming the next day. Lou’s mum promised to take them with Lou’s little sister. He wasn’t certain that he was going to be back home in time. He longed to be reunited with Louis and an adult that he knew._

_The man finally spoke, his smile turning into a smirk as he gave him a dangerous look. “You are home.”_

Anger and amusement were written all over the Professor’s face, his eyes hadn’t left Harry’s. It’s the face Harry had seen every day for twelve years. He’s seen every expression coloring those features: coyness, hostility, mischief, confidence, sneers, and disgusting bliss after taking advantage of Harry. However, instead of solely feeling fear, Harry felt a small sense of familiarity and comfort.

That would not do. _No._

Harry needed to _leave._

What was supposed to be a good day and another step towards happiness and independence quickly turned into the worst day imaginable.

The core of his nightmares and worries stood in the same room as him for the first time in six months. His vision blurred as chills shook his body. He feared this moment the second he had escaped _him_ and now here he was, stone cold with not knowing what to do.

The most rational thing to do was run and leave, Harry knew that. However, it was as if his body couldn’t comprehend what his mind wanted him to do. Even though he lowered his head to avoid eye contact, he could still feel the stare he received. It’d be nice if the ground could swallow him up right where he sat.

His mind went to Louis, who’d be there in a second if Harry were to send him a text. The thought of Louis getting involved with this horrifying man was the last thing Harry wanted.

He just wanted to be in Louis’ arms.

Alone with his thoughts, Harry failed to acknowledge the fact that his “professor” continued calling out names and starting the class. He couldn’t physically handle it, at the same time, his body stayed rigid. If Harry were to stay throughout the lecture, would that seem strong? Would it be a way to stand up to _him_ and not let _him_ feel superior? For twelve years, Harry’s felt subordinate to this man, never having the upper hand or power to defend and stand up for himself. This would get him the opportunity to do so. But was it worth the risk?

His parents and Gemma wouldn’t think so, and neither would Louis.

Harry didn’t know what to do.

*********

It wasn’t that Louis knew something was wrong. It was simply a hunch that something possibly wasn’t right. From lunch until the end of the school day, he’d been distracted. He called his mum to check if everyone in the family was alright and, sure enough, they were. He texted Liam and Zayn, curious to see how they were. They were fine as well.

That only left one person to check up on from his short mental list: Harry.

His students were out of the room for lunch and play time when Louis picks up his phone to call Harry. From what he could remember, Harry’s currently in class for another hour, but Louis paid no mind to it. As he waited for Harry to answer, he reorganized his cluttered desk, that he had managed to dismantle throughout the morning.

With no response, Louis sighed with frustration and called once again. Panic rose in his chest when his call went to voicemail. He impatiently waited for an incoming call that never came, so he went to his last resort, sending him a message.

**Love, you alright? xx**

In case Harry replied while Louis’ students returned, he deliberately left the sound on, which was rare for him. **Harry, let me know if you’re okay. Please.**

Nothing.

Just because children are crazy and young didn’t mean they weren’t intelligent in their own right. His students were very observant and voiced their concerns as they saw that their teacher was stressed out and distracted.

“Mr. Tommo?”

Louis glanced up. “Yeah, Lily?”

“You don’t seem okay.”

He shook his head, amused by his little student. “I am quite alright,” he lied. “I just have a lot on my mind at the moment.”

The little girl with the big brown eyes wasn’t convinced and seemed to not buy into her teacher’s response. “My mum drinks her red juice when she has lots on her mind,” Lily pointed out. “Then Daddy lets her have a night off and take a bath and watch Hosewives.”

“You mean _Housewives_?” he clarified.

“Yeah!”

Louis just needed to know if his boy was okay at university, instead, he found out that Mrs. Robinson drinks red wine, bathes, and binge watches _The Real Housewives_ when she’s stressed. _Great,_ he thought.

To his dismay, his message had still gone unanswered and it only made his worries grow. He only had an hour left of the school day and it went tortuously slow since his patience was gone. He attempted to concentrate on the task at hand, which was his lessons, but he couldn’t, no matter how much he tried. Giving up on teaching for the day, he lets the children begin their homework for the remaining time. Meanwhile, he gathered his belongings, preparing himself to bolt out the door as soon as the last student leaves the room.

He had completely forgotten about Niall and how he and Harry were meant to meet up for lunch before Harry’s second class, Niall’d know if Harry was alright when they met up.

 **Hey mate, it’s Louis. How was Harry during lunch?** Louis ignored the fact that he sounded like a concerned mother checking up on her son. If Niall knew the truth, he’d understand.

The phone buzzed with a response from Niall. _Yeah mate! He was fine and excited about the photography class he had. Why?_

Louis did feel better, only a little. However, the worried sensation in his stomach didn’t go away at Niall’s reassurance. He needed to see that he was alright for himself.

 _Finally_ , the bell rang, announcing the end of the day and Louis had no shame in rushing everybody out of the room. “Alright you little boogers, home time! What are you still doing here? Rush home, who’d want to stay in school after hours?”

“Goodbye, Mr. Tommo!” Lily yelled out. She stopped at the doorway and spun around. “Try drinking the red juice and relax. It works for mummy.”

He thanked the girl for the advice as he pushed her out. As he spotted Lily’s mum, he locked the classroom door and rushed to his car. Harry’s class ended not that long ago, Louis noticed, so his boy shouldn’t have a problem in answering his phone call. His heartbeat sped the longer it took for Harry to pick up. “ _Hiii, this is Harry. I can’t-“_

This wasn’t right.

Speed limits were forgotten. Louis broke into a sweat the second he parked his car somewhere he probably wasn’t supposed to leave it. Louis didn’t care at all. Students were scattered around campus, too numerous for Louis to get a sense of where Harry might be. From what he remembered from when he attended the school, the English building wasn’t far from where he stood.

As he neared, he spotted Niall leaning against the building, waiting. “Niall!”

“Oh! Hey Lou, what are you doing here?” the blond asked, surprised by Louis’ appearance.

“Where’s Harry?”

“I don’t know, mate. He hasn’t come out of class yet.”

_Not good._

Louis brushed past him without another word, not even looking back when Niall called out to him. He clearly didn’t think things through when hurrying into the building. His heart pounded, his fingers clamped up the more he didn’t find Harry in the classrooms he passed by. Thankfully the halls cleared up due to the start of the next lecture. He’s met with silence and it was complete torture for him since all he wanted was to hear Harry’s voice.

“Harry?” Louis called out softly when he entered the toilets, opening each stall in case his boy was in there. Alas, there was no Harry to be found, so he exited the room and continued his search.

A classroom to the right of the toilets hadn’t been checked yet by Louis, so he approached the door and peeked into the room through the window. Sure enough, the room was empty for the most part, only leaving two people inside. He pushed the door open quietly, spotting the tall man first, who was leaning forward towards someone that Louis couldn’t see fully.

He took in the scene before him and noticed that the man’s posture could be perceived as threatening. Louis didn’t want to butt in and put himself in a sticky situation when he was probably just being paranoid. It wasn’t until he heard a desperate “ _stop_ ” that Louis barged inside. He recognized the distressed plea instantly and Louis saw nothing but red.

_Harry._

“Hey! Back the fuck off.”

Harry sat in the back row, Louis could see him gripping his computer tightly in his lap. Climbing up the stairs that led to the two, the unknown man’s face hardened as Louis came closer.

“Who are you?” the man demanded, moving himself to block Harry. _The nerve_. Harry let out a very tiny and soft whimper as he desperately tried to keep himself calm.

“That’s none of your concern, and I’m not going to ask you again; back away from him,” Louis sneered, wishing he could shoot daggers at the man.

Harry stayed stiff, his eyes meeting Louis’, screaming for help. “I don’t appreciate the tone you are using with me. I’m the professor and I can assure you that it’s not appropriate for a student. So watch it,” the man threatened, Louis could only laugh.

He not so kindly shoved the professor away and moved his attention to his boy. “Hey darling, ready to go home? Let’s pack up your stuff, yeah?”

Harry looked up at the professor as if waiting for permission. Louis responded by moving himself to block him from his view. “Did he touch you? Hurt you?”

Silence.

“I wouldn’t harm a student. Don’t be dramatic.” His professor said, amused.

Louis practically growled. “Shut. The. Fuck. Up. What the hell are you still doing here? Leave for fuck’s sake.”

“Are you his boyfriend?”

“No!” Harry shouted. “He’s not, he’s nobody.”

He’s nobody, _okay_.

From the moment Harry returned home, Louis made it his goal to make him smile at least once a day. He took him to different places that he knew would bring Harry joy. They’ve caught up on films that Harry had missed throughout the years. He made sure he made even the simplest things fun and special. Those moments meant everything to Louis and the thought of it meaning nothing to Harry destroyed him.

*********

“Well, if he’s nobody, then please step outside. I need to have a word with my student.”

Harry saw the crushed look in Louis’ eyes when he blurted out that Louis was nobody to him. He had no other choice, Louis couldn’t get involved and risk getting hurt by this man. He needed Louis to leave, so he could deal with this on his own. Harry felt the need to protect Louis; he knew what this man was capable of. He knew firsthand the physical and mental damage this man inflicts. It would destroy Harry if Louis had to experience even an ounce of it. As he expected, Louis put up a fight, despite the hurtful words that were thrown at him moments ago.

“You’re crazy if think I’m leaving,” Louis directed at the man. He then turned to Harry and whispered to Harry exclusively: “I may be nobody to you, but you’re everything to me. And I’m not leaving here without you. Got it?” He didn’t want to, but Harry ultimately nodded. “Then let’s go.”

Without another word, Louis crouched down to retrieve Harry’s bag, shoving his laptop inside. Harry couldn’t look away from _him_. _He_ winked and backed away, making his way to his desk. “I’ll see you next class, Mr. Styles.”

“Over my dead body,” Louis muttered. Harry’s guilt overwhelmed him. Knowing that he clearly hurt Louis absolutely crushed him. He wanted to take back his words. Louis had to know that Harry didn’t mean any of it.

To prove that Harry had nothing but love for Louis, he discreetly reached for his hand, grasping it with a light squeeze. With that, Louis looked up, his blue eyes giving away the upset he felt. He attempted to send him a look that Louis could easily read and know that he would explain later. Of course, Harry wasn’t going to reveal the entire truth; with Louis’ safety in mind, he was going to have to make something up.

 _He_ observed the two as they quickly packed up and descended the stairs. Harry trailed behind Louis, biting down hard on his lip with his eyes cast downwards to avoid _his_ stare. The second Louis stepped out into the hallway, Harry’s name was called out from behind them, making Harry jump. Out of extinct, their eyes connected even though Harry tried to stop himself from looking towards the voice.

Before the man could get a word out, he’s interrupted. “Harry, let’s go.”

Harry gave _him_ one more look before exiting the room, but he didn’t miss the, “Nice tattoo, sweetheart,” that was directed at him.

The ride to Louis’ flat was a quiet one. The closer they got, the more dread Harry’s stomach filled with. He didn’t look forward to the questions that Louis was bound to ask. Louis’ quite stubborn, a quality Harry didn’t mind most days because it led to him opening up to Louis at his persistence. Overall, it’s benefited their relationship. This, however, was completely different. Before, Harry knew he needed a little push to help him since he wanted to express his feelings to Louis. This time he didn’t want Louis to be aware of how he was feeling.

No one was to know who that man was nor what he did to Harry. He wanted it all to disappear.

“Darling, let’s go inside.” Harry refused to move, knowing what was to come once they enter the flat. Harry tried to appear calm and collected in order to not raise suspicion. It’s important to Harry that Louis not be involved; he couldn’t slip. “Harry.”

“Yeah, baby?” Harry turned to Louis, a small fake smile present.

“Let’s talk inside, yeah?” Louis reached over to caress Harry’s cheek. As much as Harry was on edge and itched to keep his distance, he allowed Louis this contact, because Louis meant safety.

In response, Harry pressed his lips to the center of his palm. Louis’ so beautiful, even with worry lines creasing his forehead. He also had a hint of stubble that Harry really loved. He encouraged Louis to let his beard grow because he enjoyed the feel of it against his own face when they snogged. He’s just so stunning.

“Thank you, darling,” Louis chuckled. Apparently, Harry had voiced some of his thoughts. “You’re not bad looking yourself.”

Louis needed to be distracted, Harry decided. “Kiss me?” he whispered, leaning forward.

“As if I could say no to you,” Louis teased, closing the distance between them. As they began brushing their lips together, Harry let out a sigh of relief because his plan worked.

Only momentarily.

When Harry welcomed the warmness and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, Louis backed away, looking confused. “What are you doing?”

“Kissing you?”

Louis removed his seatbelt with a huff. “Are you trying to distract me or something?” He pushed his seat back to give himself some room to move, fully turning towards Harry. “What? Do you think I’m going to forget what happened back there? You think a kiss will erase everything? You’d think I’d forget the look of horror on your face when I walked into the classroom? How about when that arsehole stepped in too close for comfort? You think I wouldn’t remember that you told him I was nobody to you?” _Don’t cry_. “I don’t know what made you say that. I don’t know why he got too close. So I’m going to need an explanation, Harry. And I’m not letting you go until I get answers.”

“You can’t hold me hostage, Louis,” Harry accused.

Harry only realized how hurtful the words were after he said them. He didn’t mean them and regretting it immediately. “You know what being hostage means, so don’t say that shit to me,” Louis snapped.

In response, Harry’s breathing sped up; the car was beginning to feel too small. Louis cursed quietly and moved closer to Harry. “What happened, Harry? Tell me, so I can help.” Harry heard the desperation in Louis’ voice as it rose in pitch and his Yorkshire accent thickened. Harry only shook his head, causing Louis to groan in frustration.

“I’m fine.” Harry lied.

“Bullshit,” Louis whispered.

The words were on the tip of his tongue, ready to spill everything in hopes that Louis would make everything better. He tends to have that effect: making Harry feel better and forget everything around him. “I-”

Louis briefly interrupted him. “I just want you to stop suffering.”

“That’s never going to change, Louis. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m never going to be the carefree boy I apparently was.”

The sound of Louis sniffling filled the car, breaking Harry’s heart. “I’m taking you home instead.”

*********

Louis knew.

He knew, but he just needed Harry to say it out loud to confirm that his suspicions were correct. He didn’t get that confirmation per say, but he felt like he had heard enough to ensure that he knew exactly who the professor was.

He kept their goodbye short, promising to call Harry later. Harry left confused with the change in his behavior but didn’t voice it as he went inside. It was safe to say that Louis wasn’t thinking before he acted. He was focused on one thing and fuck, he was going to do everything he could to keep that arsehole far away from his boy. It was dangerous for him to approach this man, Louis was aware of that. However, he didn’t care about the possible risks.

If he was right, and he was almost certain that he was, he’d finally face the man that’s made him and so many people that are close to him miserable for the past decade. This man robbed  Harry of his innocence, abused him, and inflicted immeasurable physical and mental pain on him. Harry will never be the same boy because of him. Harry didn’t remember the boy he used to be or anything from his childhood because of this horrible man. He is the reason that Harry lost so many years’ worth of memories, laughter, smiles, education, friendship, and love.

He ruined so much, and that’s what motivated Louis.

A handful of minutes went by before he found himself once again at the university campus. He didn’t know exactly where to start nor in which direction to go to. He figured the English Department would be the best place to start, so he headed into the main office to ask somebody where he could find this specific professor.

Professor Jameson.

Louis thanked his mother’s side of the family for passing down their charming personalities because that was the only way he was able to convince the front office to give him a name. The woman had absolutely no idea that Louis batted for the other team; she was lured in from the moment he spoke. Louis tried not to always use it to his advantage.

The professor’s office was on the third floor of the building, so Louis had an opportunity to gather his thoughts before he arrived. The secretary informed him that the professor had a class in about an hour, so Louis didn’t have much time.

Normally, Louis wasn’t a violent person. He embraced the fact that he was a lover rather than a fighter. Nevertheless, if the situation called for it, Louis would physically harm him. It’d be difficult to not go crazy and let out everything that he had been bottling up throughout the years against this man. He had the opportunity to do so much for so many people hurt by this man. After he’s done, he’d call the police to take the bastard away, so Harry and his family could get the justice and peace they deserve. He was a bit worried that he risked letting this man away, but Louis didn’t want to be present when he’s taken into custody.

It’s not organized, and it’s certainly not wise, but it’s all Louis had.

He saw the professor’s name on the door and didn’t think twice before stepping in.

*********

Harry noticed Louis’ change in demeanor on their way to his house. It had confused him, making him wonder what Louis was hiding. He didn’t have a chance to question him before Louis sped off.

Something wasn’t right.

Louis went from stubborn, asking questions to get Harry to admit what happened, too dismissive and quick to leave. Harry wanted to be alone, and Louis granted him that, so why was he upset that Louis left?

A yawn escaped his lips as Harry walked into his bedroom, the darkness welcoming him in. With both of his parents at work, the house was his for a few more hours. He’d planned to spend his time with Louis after his classes, so he wasn’t left alone until his parents showed up. That changed when Louis decided to run off doing God knows what.

Harry had been accustomed to the loneliness for quite some time. It didn’t mean he liked it, especially in such a large house. Loneliness disconnected him from the world. Being forced into isolation in a small space was torture because Harry knew there was life outside the four walls. Even with that knowledge, there was no way for him to escape, and obviously, that was the worst part of it all. Time seemed to stand still. And here, in his bedroom currently, that feeling of lonesomeness started to bring him back to that time in his life.

After today’s events, Harry felt that time froze the moment he stepped into his bedroom. That wasn’t the case. Outside his bedroom and house, his kidnapper was walking free. It hurts Harry to know that there were people out there around him that don’t know how much danger they’re in.

He himself was in a lot of danger and if it weren’t for his Louis, who knew what could’ve happened? The man could’ve been brave enough to hurt Harry like he often did before. He could’ve somehow taken Harry once again. Although Harry was no longer a little boy that could be easily manhandled, he will always be weak for this man. It’s something he had no control over. There had been countless times where Harry’s heart demanded that he fight, but his mind and body betrayed him. He’d been manipulated by _him_ into having no willpower.

 _That’s not right_ , Harry thought to himself. _It’s not fair. No one deserves this, right?_

For the first time since he’s returned home, Harry became _angry_. Angry for the mental torture he’d never be able to forget. Angry that he was manipulated into believing that there was nothing wrong with that _he_ did to him, that he deserved to be used. Angry because of the pain his family had endured during his absence, the pain Louis felt when he lost his other half. Angry for the scars on his body that will act as a constant reminder of what _he_ did to him. Most importantly, Harry’s angry at this man for coming back into his life after he worked so hard to move forward. The endless hours of mental and emotional strain during therapy were ruined the moment he heard the man’s voice.

Harry’s bedroom paid the price for his anger. Several items on his desk were thrown to the floor, his duvet and pillows were stripped off the mattress. He chucked the hung pictures onto the hardwood floor. His aggression caused the picture frames to break, glass shattering.

_Why me?_

According to Louis, they were only playing a game at the park all those years ago. Something so innocent led to him being taken. Harry just wanted to be normal _._ He’s sick of being afraid, being hesitant, not feeling independent. He wanted nothing more than to be free and not have to continuously look over his shoulder.

This afternoon proved that he couldn’t relax, even though he had been returned home. He meant to run the second he realized he wasn’t hallucinating, but he couldn’t _._ Harry hadn’t retained anything that came out of that man’s mouth throughout the lecture. His mind ran wild with the reality of the situation that without even trying, his kidnapper found him. Next thing Harry knew, everyone in the classroom stood up to exit the room, marking the end of the session. Still, Harry didn’t find himself moving, not even when the last person left the room. He still didn’t move when his new professor ascended the steps towards him, with a sinister look on his face.  

He was silent when he finally reached Harry, leaning forward with a simple and deadly, “ _Hello._ ”

Harry had said nothing in response to his greeting, which the man might’ve expected. “ _Oh little one, I’ve been thinking about you every single day since you chose to leave me.”_

_Don’t let him affect you. Think of something peaceful._

His mind went to Louis.

“ _I was really hurt when I went downstairs and saw you weren’t there. Then I found that hole you dug to escape through, and that’s when it hit me,_ ” Jameson explained. “ _You voluntarily left me, sweetheart._ ”

“Don’t call me that,” Harry croaked, hating the pet name more than anything.

To mock him, Jameson clapped. “ _Congratulations, you can speak. I don’t remember you saying much before._ ”

Harry staying mute wasn’t new to him because the second he opened his mouth, his voice would have shown his weakness. His eyes widened when the man once again got closer. The smell of his cologne made Harry nauseous.  

“Stop,” he whispered.

That’s when Louis barged in.

Now, Harry found himself sat on the floor of his bedroom, alone. The space around him with all the mess he created was overwhelming.

His mind always ended up being his worst enemy. He began to become overwhelmingly paranoid. _Did I deserve to endure his abuse once again? Will he find me again? Did he follow Louis’ car here?_ His stomach twisted at the possibility. He and Louis weren’t paying attention to their surroundings, Jameson could’ve quickly and quietly trailed them. The possibility hadn’t crossed his mind while he was in the car with Louis. Harry then remembered the two stopping at Louis’ flat because that was the initial plan, to spend time together there. If _he_ followed them, he’d know where Louis lived.

_No._

The only resolution he came up with was to grab his phone and hide. He fished his phone out of his bag and made his way to his closet door. Harry crawled until he hit the wall furthest from the door. He surrounded himself with darkness once he closed the door. The only light came from the screen on his phone as he unlocked it. He ignored the missed text messages and phone calls that Niall and his parents left. He had a few left from Louis, but they were from when he was in class and he couldn’t be bothered to do anything, especially now.

He called Louis only to hear his voicemail. He called once again and got no response. His panic rose and only elevated when he heard the front door open.       

 _Oh god, he found me._    

He had found Harry and was going to take him back to use him all over again. Harry began thinking that it was for the best, because this way, he wouldn’t hurt anyone else. He’s realized that he personally has done so: he’s hurt his family by not remembering them. Without him around, they’ll be able to continue their lives without any problem. Maybe this is his fate. He wasn’t meant to be with his family, to be with Louis. Perhaps he didn’t deserve to be mates with Niall, Liam, nor Zayn. Maybe he shouldn’t have left in the first place, because he’s only going right back.

Suddenly, his bedroom door squeaked open, allowing Harry to hear footsteps through the door. He shut his eyes, hoping he’d vanish.

“Harry?”

He exhaled in relief.

“Harry? It’s Gemma, what happened in here?” His sister spoke lowly to herself. She cursed when she stepped on a piece of glass. “Fuck.”

Harry wasn’t sure if it was safe to come out of the closet. Gemma must able to read minds. “It’s okay to come out, Harry, I promise. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.” He assumed he could trust Gemma, because well, she’s his sister. However, he couldn’t bring himself to make his presence known. “I’m right here. I’m always going to protect you, I promise.”

Her pleading and assurance ended up being enough for Harry though, because he hesitantly pushed the closet door open, scaring Gemma simultaneously.

“Hey Harry, want to tell me what’s going on?” She asked.

Ignoring her question, Harry walked to the bedroom window, opening up the curtains to take a look outside. To his relief, the street appeared empty, with no unwanted visitors in sight. As much as he was relieved that _he_ hasn't waited for Harry outside, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he’s planning something related to him.

“I just had a nightmare and I lost control,” Harry then explained to Gemma, lying effortlessly.

Gemma, on the other hand, was far more observant than Harry thought. “You’ve had nightmares so many times, but you’ve never reacted this way.” Meeting her inquiring gaze, it’s strange for him to notice that some of her facial features are similar to his own. He didn’t grow up surrounded by people who looked related to him, and Harry didn’t know why that thought is distracting him.

“Was someone in here?”

Harry shook his head, looking around at the damage. “No, just me.”

She gestured for Harry to join her on the bare mattress, taking off her coat and getting herself comfortable. Harry wasn’t sure what to say to her without revealing today’s events. He’d learn quickly that Gemma acted instinctively, unconcerned that someone may try to stop her. With that being said, if Harry were to confess what happened, she’d do something about it, and rightfully so. However, Harry’s told himself not to say anything, that he didn’t want to get anyone close to him involved. Louis could say something. He could report everything to the police or inform Harry’s parents, so they could take action. Harry just hoped Louis would stay quiet about it if he pleaded with him.

“What was your nightmare about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbled, playing with the lint on the hem of his shirt.

Gemma sighed. “You know Harry when you were younger, you’d get bad dreams occasionally. And if Louis wasn’t here, you would go to my room and ask to sleep with me because you needed protection.” Harry didn’t remember, as per usual, but it made sense. Gemma would go to hell and back for her loved ones. If Harry wasn’t so apprehensive about letting people in, he’d continue to rely on her, but he couldn’t.

“You used to tell me everything and now you barely speak to me,” she whispered, turning her face away. “I don’t want you to get offended or anything by this. You’re back and all, but I still don’t have my baby brother.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose,” Harry started. He didn’t how to respond to that other than by apologizing. He did feel bad, terrible even, but he couldn’t help it. “I’ve been working with Dr. Nolan on it.”

Gemma assured Harry that she didn’t blame him; it was just a little heartbreaking to know that her little brother was home physically, but mentally and emotionally, he’s a different person. “I just want you to know that you’re able to open up to me...like you do with Louis.”

He noticed her tone at the end. “Is that what this is about?”

Tucking her hair behind her ears, Gemma looked down and responded, “No, Harry. I’m happy he’s there for you. It’s great that you’re opening yourself up and letting him help whenever you need it.”

“Then why mention him?”

“You...you don’t think things are happening too fast with you guys? Like, is it safe for you to latch onto someone when you’ve been through such a traumatic experience?”

That was expected, of course, and he wondered whether Gemma or anybody else would inquire about it. Right now though, it’s definitely too much for Harry to handle with everything else going on around him.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about it for a while, and that’s why I came by after work,” Gemma started before being interrupted by her brother.

“He’s helped, Gemma. _A lot._ And he’s been the greatest thing to happen to me since I came home. I’m sorry you have an issue with that. I’m sorry I don’t come to you whenever I have a nightmare or a panic attack, okay? I’m sorry I’m not the brother you once had.”

“That’s-”

“Just! Let me talk, for a second.” Harry couldn’t believe he was having this conversation after the day he had. He began debating whether or not to return to the closet. He couldn’t possibly explain to an outsider why he’s able to trust Louis quickly. There’s no explanation that made sense. It just kinda happened.

From day one Louis committed to Harry and he never complained about it at all. Louis wasn’t ever overbearing and was only patient, and allowed Harry to move at his own pace. He made things simple. He’s accomplished so much with Louis’ support and guidance, no one understood. Gemma clearly didn’t comprehend that.

“Maybe it isn’t wise to rely on a person so much,” Harry admitted quickly. “Maybe it’s not what’s best for me given my situation. I don’t know, but what I do know, is that Louis has been amazing. I’ve done a lot thanks to him, so I don’t regret it. I don’t regret trusting him.”

A handful of minutes tick by before Gemma spoke. “It’s crazy how your brain and mind has forgotten so much. Yet, your heart seems to still remember Louis.”

*********

The siblings moved on shortly after, with Gemma suggesting they clean Harry’s bedroom before their parents arrived home from work.

When they’re both picking up the broken glass, Gemma retold the story of when they were younger, years before Harry disappeared, and they broke their grandmother’s vase, from some extravagant and foreign country. They were jumping around, giggling nonstop until they crashed into each other and the hallway table, causing the vase to topple over. Both terrified, they hid underneath the bed in the guest bedroom and stayed there until their grandmother found them, pissed as hell. Harry cried hysterically and pushed Gemma under the bus, blaming her for the broken vase.

“You kept crying and saying, ‘Gemma threatened to send me to another family if I didn’t hide with her.’ You were such a little shit.”

“Sounds like it.” The final piece of glass was swept away and thrown into the trash bag. “Sorry about that.”

“I’m not, I miss it.”

An hour or so later, Harry’s parents returned home from work, greeting their children with bright smiles. Gemma’s visit came as a surprise to both Anne and Des, so Anne declared it a special day, which called for a well-cooked dinner.

Harry didn’t understand, and quite frankly, he couldn’t bring himself to care due to the other things clouding his mind. He knew he had to do something, he knew he should tell someone, but it was so difficult.

He’d fallen asleep soon after dinner, explaining to everyone that school had tired him out. There’s truth to it, they just weren’t aware of what particularly tired him out. Instead of sleeping immediately, Harry locked the bedroom door, buried himself underneath the covers, and _cried._ He cried mostly because despite the torment he endured due to this man, the manipulated part of Harry still debated seeing him again.

He cried until he actually tired himself out and fell asleep only to be woken up hours later. It didn’t occur to Harry that Louis never ended up calling earlier like he said he would until he found his name flashing on the screen.

“Lou?”

“Babe,” Louis breathed, voice rough and full of sleep. “I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier.”

“It’s okay, what’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Harry knew. He knew what Louis was talking about without giving it much thought. Any person that knew Harry’s situation could’ve figured it out if they were paying attention.

The temperature around him lowered, the house silent. Harry could hear his own heart attempting to beat out of his chest due to the anxiety of how Louis’d react.

“We were in the same room as him, Harry. Why in the world wouldn’t you tell me?”

Silence.

Louis then whispered. “You should’ve said something.”

 _You weren’t supposed to know,_ Harry thought to himself only for him to realize he uttered the words out loud.

“And what good was that? Harry, what you did was so dangerous.”

“I know.”

 _How did he figure it out?_ Harry wondered. He didn’t say anything that could’ve given it away. Louis wasn’t dumb though, and Harry was fully aware of that. He guessed he wasn’t that surprised that Louis pieced everything together.

“The look on your face when he was near you broke my fucking heart, Harry. I wanted to hurt him. Hurt him until he felt every single type of pain he made you feel for twelve years.” Louis croaked, taking a deep breath. “I wanted him in so much pain, and that’s all I could think of when I went back to his office.”

_What?_

What did Louis mean? He couldn’t have possibly gone to confront the professor, Harry’s abductor?

“Lou,” Harry muttered, wearily. “What are you talking about?”

“I couldn’t just go home and not do anything, Harry. If you thought I would, then love, you don’t know me at all.”

With Harry and Louis only recently being reacquainted, Harry considered arguing that he didn’t completely know Louis. He didn’t want to upset the older lad any more than he already was, so he kept his mouth shut.  

“It was so hard,” Louis said in a broken whisper. “Harry, it was so hard to not hit him until he stopped breathing. I just wanted to lose control until he was dead.”

Needless to say, Harry was afraid to ask what exactly happened. He knew Louis didn't have it in him to hurt anyone, but the way Louis was talking, he didn't know what to think.

“He hurt your family, my family, me, and _you._ He hurt the most precious thing I’ve ever had in my life, the person I love most,” he continued to ramble, making Harry’s heart and breath stopped altogether.

“Louis.”

“You don’t get it, Harry. You mean everything to me, you’re my whole fucking life and have been since you were born.”

Harry had read many love stories, and thanks to Louis, he’s had to watch various movies. He’s seen the couples in the stories and films, and when they say they love each other, he paid attention to their faces, to see how they looked at each other when they said it, to see if they meant it. He knew it was acting, but he’d like to think they’d be able to portray that. In books, he paid attention to how the couple interacted, how the character described the other. He’s seen his parents, the way his dad looks at his mum like she’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen. Des would do anything for Anne, just to make her happy.  

While observing these couples, he couldn’t help but think of him and Louis. It’s something he did unintentionally, Louis just came to mind and most of the time, it made Harry smile. Just the thought of Louis made Harry happy. Louis’ words caused Harry’s heart to stop but simultaneously enlarge, wanting to burst with complete happiness. For so long, Harry thought lowly of himself, but surprisingly Louis thought highly of him. When he saw photos of the two of them, the first thing Harry looked for was their faces. Harry loved Louis and with the way Louis spoke about him, maybe Louis loved him as well.

“Are you there, love?”

“Yeah, I’m here.” His mind went back to what was occurring before he drifted off. “What did you do, Louis?”

“It’s about to be over soon.”

The way Louis talked didn’t sit well with Harry. He was beating around the bush, not giving a direct answer. “Tell me.”

Louis sighed in defeat.

“I went back to campus because he can’t fucking get away with it, Harry. I refuse to just know he’s out there: free without paying the consequences for what he did. He deserves to rot in prison-”

Harry pulled the phone away from his ear when he heard a door slam down the hall. Footsteps followed and the noise increased until the door to Harry’s bedroom swung open. His parents appeared out of breath, both in their pajamas, with sleep clear on their faces. However, their eyes were wide with tears threatening to fall.

“Hold on, Lou,” Harry told him, paying attention to his parents. “What’s wrong?”

“The police found him. He’s been taken into custody,” Des informed his son since Anne couldn’t get the words out herself.

“Arrested?” Harry questioned.

Anne rushed to his side, not allowing a second to go by before bringing him close. Thankfully Harry’s gotten more comfortable with his mother’s affection overall. However, after the day he had, he couldn’t help but go stiff the moment she touched him. She noticed and retreated back, allowing him to relax a bit.

“This is so close to being over, my sweet boy,” Anne assured him. “They have him, and that’s the most important thing.”

Harry didn’t know what to think, or how to feel. Louis had something to do with it, that Harry was sure of. Remembering that Louis’ still waiting on the other line, he picked up the phone and ignored the confused look on his parents’ faces.

“Lou?”

“Yeah, love?”

The words falling out of Harry’s mouth almost felt unreal. “He’s been arrested.”

Harry’s previous assumptions were correct.

“I know, Harry."


	14. XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....liiiiisten, I know it's been a year since I've left this fic hanging.
> 
> I have no other excuse to say except I'm sorry, especially to those that have been following the fic since I started. I have no excuse, I suck. I reread the fic a couple days ago and I was so mad at how I left it. It was kind of a cliffhanger. Again, I suck. 
> 
> ANYWAY, here it is. The final part of this fic that has taken me two years to complete. I'm proud of this fic, even though it was a pain in the ass to finish. I can't believe I managed to make it as long as it is. Who knows if I'll do it ever again, haha.
> 
> I know nothing about how goes on in courtrooms, so I made it up and just try to put what I've seen In Law & Order in there, it's probably really inaccurate. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Rape is talked about, molestation is talked about and the kidnapping. They are not in detail at all, but they are mentioned. If there is anything else that could be considered a trigger warning, let me know and I'll add it on here and the tags. 
> 
> Finallyyyyy, enjoy. And thank you. 
> 
> There will be an epilogue that I'm already writing up. It will not take a year to write, I promise. 
> 
> This isn't beta'd, I edited myself, so it might suck. But I was desperate to post this up once it was finished. 
> 
> Again, thanks.
> 
> My [tumblr](http://louiesunshine.tumblr.com/)

Needless to say, Harry couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night. It was safe to say that he didn’t sleep for the next several nights since the news broke out about the arrest. The sleepless nights puzzled Harry because his abductor was in custody. He should feel better knowing that. Yet, he was still apprehensive about what was to come; as his mother stated the night the police took _him_ ;

_“This is close to being over.”_

Sure, the whole situation was close to being over, but the reality was that this was only the beginning. Harry’s aware enough to know what the process was going to be like for him and his family. He’s smart enough to know that he was about to relive the tragic moments he endured for twelve years.

Everyone around Harry would argue that he’s made significant progress. From the therapy sessions with Dr. Nolan, or with the help from Louis, With Louis, he's getting to experience the outside world and an actual relationship. Harry would have agreed a week ago, but unfortunately, he's taken several steps back.

He's made himself comfortable in his room, in his bed. It was difficult to admit to himself that he’s scared to move. If he moved an inch, who knew what could occur.

Harry was stuck. He’s stuck in his thoughts; they ran a million miles per hour, creating many scenarios. Scenarios that could happen now that his abductor has been taken into custody. He could be released, with not enough evidence to lock him in. It's been many months since Harry's escape, and no solid evidence could be there. What if Jameson was crazy enough to escape and go on a hunt to find Harry? Or Louis since he led the police to him? There were so many more possibilities that it kept Harry up at all hours of the night and morning. He was stuck in this trance with no hope of coming out of it.

_When is it going to be over?_

Harry didn't know the answer to that, but he was certain that the end was pretty far.

 *****

Louis refused to admit to Harry what he did to get Jameson in police custody. It didn't stop Harry from begging every day to just tell him. He’d say he needed to know and make sure Louis didn't get hurt. He only assured Harry that he wasn't hurt; he was fine and Jameson wasn’t walking around anymore.

Things became hectic after the arrest at the university’s campus. The local news stations made a home at both the school’s parking lot and outside of Harry’s home. It pained Louis to witness Harry endure this traumatic experience all over again. Harry shouldn’t have to go through this experience. Yet, due to sick individuals, it had happened.  

He parked the car outside of the Styles’ home. He shut off the vehicle; picked up the container of fresh oatmeal cookies and made his way to the door. His sisters baked them for Harry, feeling the need to cheer him up in their own way. Before he was able to knock, the door swung open to reveal Gemma, who looked in a rush.

“Hey Gem.”

“Gotta run, I’m late. Harry’s upstairs. Bye,” she rushed out, passing by him.

Without a second thought, he entered the home and walked up the steps. “Love?” Louis called out.

“Lou?” he heard behind the bedroom door. “Come in.”

Harry laid upside down, hanging off the side of his bed. The ends of his curls touched the floor, his hands intertwined on his exposed stomach. “You shouldn’t be laying in that position, love,” Louis advised. “Your blood will rush down to your head.”

Harry snorted. “Who cares.”

“Hey.” Louis snapped, not liking Harry brushing that off like that. “Don’t talk like that. Now sit up so I can have a kiss and you’ll get your present.”

The younger lad’s head lifted. “Present?”

Louis helped Harry sit upright, hurrying to give him a peck on the cheek. It wasn’t hard to tell that Harry didn’t leave his room and failed to do pretty much anything. There were tangles and knots throughout Harry’s hair. The knots made it difficult for Louis to run his fingers through it. There was a hint of stubble underneath his nose, on his jawline and on his chin. Louis’ pretty sure Harry’s casual outfit was the same from a couple days ago when he last visited.

“Can I have a better kiss?” Harry asked Louis, giving a slight pout.

Louis scrunched up his nose when smelling Harry’s breath. He chuckled, “Go shower and brush your teeth first and I’ll give you all the kisses.”

Harry looked down at his state, smelled himself and nodded. “Yep. You’re right. I’ll be back.” Louis indeed gave him all the kisses when he returned.

And the oatmeal cookies.

  *********

Minutes turned into hours, which turned into days and months. Before Louis and Harry know it, they stood in front of the courthouse. Harry dreaded to walk through the doors.

“Harry, you don’t have to go inside if you don’t want to, son.”

He didn’t want to take part, no, he didn’t. But it’s something Harry knew he needed to do. He couldn’t let this happen to another child. He’s learned that within the months since Jameson’s arrest. Luckily he had the support of his family and Louis.

There was no way of knowing what was going to happen during this trial. Harry didn’t ask questions to his lawyers. All he knew was he’d most likely have to retell his experience to a large number of people.

Jameson pleaded not guilty to kidnapping and the extra charges. The charges were about what he did to Harry in the twelve years of keeping the boy captive. Due to the lack of admission of the crime he committed, the case went to trial, to convict and hopefully sentence him. There was all for Harry and his family to get the justice that’s needed. He acknowledged that to do so, he’d have to tell everything.

Easier said than done.

His lawyers went over the type of questions that could be asked at the stand. Harry reassured them that he agreed to take part in whatever needed to be done so that the man could be punished.

“I have to do this,” Harry told his father, gripping Louis’ hand tightly. It surprised him that Louis didn’t complain or flinch.

His parents and Gemma proceeded to walk inside, leaving Louis and Harry to themselves. Louis took Harry’s hands, squeezing them gently and lifting them towards his lips to kiss each knuckle.

“Before we even get inside, and the shit show begins, I want to say that I’m already proud of you.

“You are the bravest person I know, Harry,” Louis whispered to him, his eyes soft and full of love, that’s obvious to see. “You’re my hero by agreeing to do this. I know it’s not easy, especially having to see that bastard again, but here you are. That’s more than a lot of people can do, facing someone that hurt you so much. Fuck, you’re so incredible, love.”

The words were on the tip of Louis’ tongue, ready to slip their way into Harry’s ears and his heart as well. How could a sentence so short mean so much?

It’d have to wait for another time. Another moment where it seemed perfect and Harry didn’t have the distraction of a major trial in his mind.

After Louis’ pep talk, Harry pulled him away from the front doors to the courthouse and wrapped him in a hug. “There’s so much I want to say, Lou. But thank you for believing in me, for supporting me, and caring so much for me. You’re my favorite person.”

Louis’ actually addicted to Harry’s smell, he inhaled and tightened his arms. “You’re mine too, love.”

“Best boyfriend, that’s for damn sure.”

 _Best boyfriend?_ “Boyfri-”

Harry’s lawyers interrupted them. They told them to head inside, so he and Harry could go over a few things before anything started. This discussion would have to continue some other time because it’s a huge deal in its entirety.

Louis couldn’t deny that he loved being called Harry’s boyfriend.

It’s crazy how things could appear to happen fast and yet slow at the same time. Once inside, Harry was quickly taken away by his lawyers, leaving Louis alone searching for the remaining members of the Styles family.

They’re sat in the courtroom, the benches surrounding them filled with strangers. The benches on the right side of the room were taken by the assigned jurors. They determined the ultimate verdict. Louis looked their way and hoped that after everything’s said and done, they’d side with Harry.

Harry hadn’t entered the room when the side door opened, revealing the man that did it all. Jameson walked in looking smug, it was disgusting to see, and it made Louis want nothing more than to rip the smile off. Yet, he knew the smugness wouldn’t leave his face, it would only strengthen when Harry gets inside. Louis wished Harry didn’t have to see him at all.

There was a loud chatter infusing the room until Harry walked in beside his lawyer.

His Harry was no longer present. Louis realized that the second Louis looked at him. Harry locked eyes with his abductor and Louis saw the seven-year-old boy that was taken. He saw the young boy that received countless of different kinds of abuse. Louis saw the boy that was deathly afraid, and it broke his heart.

The walk to the table went quick, yet, Louis viewed it in slow motion. There was no doubt that Jameson widened his smile to make Harry even more uncomfortable. Harry needed to keep his eyes away and focus at the task in hand. It would be difficult to do so if Harry didn’t stop looking at him.

Anne, Des, and Gemma’s faces terrified Louis because it was a look of so much pent-up anger. This was the first time that they were in the presence of this monster. They’re finally face to face with the man that had done so much damage to their family and lives.

Anne couldn’t hold herself together, tears filled her eyes and threatened to fall. Sometimes, she’d wipe her eyes with a tissue. Harry’s family didn’t deserve this, no one’s family deserved his.

Finally, a male judge enters the room and settles everyone down. The lawyers made their opening statements, introducing the case to the jurors. Harry’s lawyer summarized the charges pressed against Jameson. They purposely left the details for Harry to tell. He wondered if he’d actually get the opportunity to take the stand today, how long the entire trial will take.

Harry’s distracted by his own thoughts that he didn’t hear the judge call his name.

“Are you with us, Mr. Styles?” Harry nodded in return. “Alright, just checking in. Mr. Fraser, you may call the first witness.”

Jameson’s lawyer flipped open a folder to lookup the name. “Louis Tomlinson.”

Harry felt selfish. He was completely engrossed in thinking of what he’d do and feel throughout the trial. He didn’t even play with the thought of Louis involved in the trial. His fingernails dug hard into his palms, he needed to walk out of the room. Louis didn’t deserve to be in the spotlight and involved in this situation.

Once Louis sat on the stand, took an oath, he waited for the questions to be asked.

“For the jurors’ knowledge, Louis Tomlinson was at the park with Harry the night of the incident. Mr. Tomlinson, can you begin with retelling the night?” Mr. Fraser began with, staring him down.

Louis looked gorgeous, Harry noted. He looked sharp in a dark grey suit, a black button up underneath. His feathered hair looked like it hadn’t been messed with, naturally swept to the right. He appeared confident, Harry also noticed. Louis always appeared confident, and Harry admired him for it.

“I was nine and Harry was seven,” Louis began. “We were at the park across the street from Harry’s house. It was getting dark, but Harry suggested to play hide-and-seek. Harry went to hide first, and I began counting.”

Louis’ eyes hadn’t moved away from Harry’s.

“What happened next, Louis?”

His confidence diminished at the spot because the worse part of this story he’d have to tell next. “When I started looking,” he whispered. “I heard Harry’s scream.”

Right before Harry’s eyes, Louis began to break down. The tears gathered in his eyes, lips wobbling as he took a deep breath. Harry wanted to stop looking but the blue in Louis’ eyes was so clear and beautiful, he couldn’t look away.

“How did you know it was Harry’s scream?” the lawyer questioned.

“We were the only ones at the park since it was getting dark already,” Louis snapped.

“Mr. Tomlinson, it was a simple question. No need to get angry.”

Louis apologized and took a breath. “Like I said, we were the only ones there, so I knew it had to be Harry. So I ran towards the scream which was by some bushes. I looked behind them, and he wasn’t there. I ran everywhere, and he wasn’t there. I decided to run to his house to tell his parents. That’s the last I saw him.”

With his eyes still on Harry, Louis gave him a small smile to get a bit of comfort to the younger lad.

A series of questions were asked. Louis provided the honest answers from what he could remember. There were things asked that Harry didn’t know about. He sat frozen in his seat, his bottom lip between his teeth as his lawyer took his turn to ask Louis questions. Before he knew it, Louis followed off the bench and back to his seat behind him and next to Harry’s family.

The trial progressed with arguments from both Jameson and Harry’s sides. Harry hadn’t yet been called on to testify, which he thought was a bit strange. He expected that he’d be the first one to testify and defend himself because he was the in the middle of it all.

It wasn’t until Jameson’s lawyer announced one thing that changed Harry’s demeanor.

“The real question is, is it possible that Harry didn’t _want_ to leave my client? Perhaps my client isn’t all at fault for how long Mr. Styles latched onto him.”

 *****

The Styles’ family as a whole were angry. Harry was confused. Louis was also confused, but mostly _livid._

“How _dare_ they?” Louis hissed to the filled room. The Styles family and part of Louis’ family gathered in the Style’s home. The trial came to a pause when the judge declared a recess until the following week. The way it ended left both families speechless and in disbelief.

“That’s the narrative that they are going with? That Harry wanted to stay?! That’s complete _bullshit._ ”

“Louis, watch your language, your sisters are around,” his mother snapped. “We’re all angry in how they’re going on about this, but we have to stay calm and trust that the jury will side with Harry. It’s impossible not to.”

“Not when they have the goal to spin this on Harry,” Louis retorted.

 _How dare they_? Harry repeated Louis’ words in his thoughts. Could the jury actually be convinced that Harry wanted to stay with his _kidnapper_ for so many years? Maybe the lawyer’s right? Perhaps all those years when he had the chance to run and never look back, he didn’t because deep down he didn’t want to?

Twelve years of captivity brought plenty of opportunities to try to escape. Yet, Harry waited until he was nineteen to make a break for it.

He felt the sofa dip beside him. “Don’t even think about it, Styles.”

Harry’s then surrounded by Louis’ sweet scent, calming him almost instantly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tomlinson.”

“I can see it in your face, love. Do not start to believe what Jameson and his stupid lawyer are throwing at you.” He leaned onto the older lad’s side, comfortable with the warmth around him. “You know what happened, you know why it took you so long to come home. The jury will know too when you tell them.”

 *****

_“You know what happened, you know why it took you so long to come home. The jury will know too when you tell them.”_

A couple of sentences uttered to Harry have been stuck in the younger lad’s mind for the next several days. The jury only had one side of the extensive nightmare, and they had yet to hear Harry’s. It could completely change their outlook and opinion.

All Harry needed to do was tell the total truth and pray to any higher power that they would side with him. He knew, as well as everyone on his side did, that it would be difficult to do.

The room took up with all familiar faces from the first day of the trial. Outside the courtroom said otherwise due to the high increase of press that showed up.

Beforehand, Harry's lawyers expressed the expectations while on the stand. It could take up many days because there is years' worth of information needed to be recorded to help the case. Harry didn't believe he could handle one day of questioning, let alone two or three.   

With his thoughts up to the clouds, he wasn’t able to hear his name called up to the stand from the judge. His hands began to sweat, his heart rate increased, and his eyes began to swell. He was so anxious for what was to come. This was only day one, how was he able to even endure more than this.

Almost robotic, Harry approached the stand and went around to the seat. He raised his hand swearing to the whole truth and sat.

“Let’s start, Mr. Styles,” Jameson’s lawyers started. Harry immediately felt uncomfortable with the multiple eyes directed his way. “How old are you, Harry?”

“’m nineteen, almost twenty.”

The lawyer nodded, “And when is your birthday?”

Seated from Harry’s side, his own lawyer asked, “Your honor, this is irrelevant. Why do we need to know this?”

“Sustained. Mr. Houlbrook, ask more relevant questions please,” the judge asked.

“Let’s go back to the night of the 15thof July 2002. You were seven-years-old, what happened that night?”

Harry’s eyes go to Louis. “I don’t remember.”

“Okay, what’s the first thing you remember? Does that help?”

He shook his head, not wanting to utter the words out loud in front of everyone. “I-I don’t want…”

The judge stood and leaned closer to Harry to murmur quietly. “Harry, son, you have to work with us, okay? I know this is difficult for you and I apologize that you have to relive these moments, but this would help.”

When he returns back to his big chair, Harry began. “I remember I was cold a lot. Where I was kept, there was rarely any heating. I don’t remember what age I was, but I know I was young.” He paused, closing his eyes. “ _He_ finally gave me lots of blankets, but it didn’t help. That’s when it happened for the first time.”

“What happened for the first time?”

“He slept with me.”

On the other side of the room, Louis’s refraining himself from puking in front of everyone. It’s a mixture of being sick and wanting to kill the man that hurt his boy.

“He didn’t do anything then, he just wanted to cuddle, he said,” Harry continued. “I was fully clothed, but he wasn’t.”

Jameson’s lawyer continued to ask questions; they made the man appear more innocent than guilty. It was pathetic because there was no way that the monster could be pinpointed as anything other than a sick, perverted human-being.

It wasn’t until day four of the trial that the questions towards Harry were getting more in-depth. They were way out of his comfort zone as if he was near it at all. His lawyer, as well as Jameson’s lawyer, had gone back and forth with hard-hitting questions. Their goal was to get the most detail description of the past several years of Harry being held hostage.

Louis couldn’t take it anymore, which made him wonder how the hell Harry could. It was taken too far, so far that he wasn’t sure if he could stay silent and not hurt someone by their suggestions.

“Harry, I understand that you have reacquainted with Louis Tomlinson from the moment you returned home, am I correct?” Jameson’s lawyer questioned, seated beside Harry’s kidnapper. Throughout the trial so far, his kidnapper had kept a straight face. No ounce of remorse or emotion that would suggest that he either stood by what he did or felt guilty for ruining the majority of Harry’s life.

“Yes, I didn’t remember who he was, but it felt easy to confide in him.” Louis looked down to smile with Harry’s answer.

“And from what I’ve seen on the reports, you are in some sort of intimate relationship with Mr. Tomlinson.”

“ _Objection._ Your honor, how is that question relevant to the case?”

“I’ll allow it, but Counselor Rollins, please stay on track. Mr. Styles, answer the question.”

Harry bits his lip, he felt the back of his neck begin to moisten with sweat. His curls matting themselves against his skin. “It’s not completely intimate.”

“How so?”

 _We don’t have sex,_ Harry wished he had the confidence to say out loud. “I guess we are dating, I suppose.”

“So, basically, you’re attracted to men.”

“ _Objection, your honor!_ Relevance?.”

Counselor Rollins stood from his chair to get closer to the jury. “I’m going somewhere with the question that is relevant to the case.”

Louis wanted to scream and shout. Because how in the _world_ does Harry’s sexuality tie into the fact that he was kidnapped and abused for years?

“Yes, Harry, you were gone from home for twelve years. Yet, you waited until you were nineteen to attempt to escape. Why didn’t you try before then?”

Stumped, Harry took a moment to himself to gather his thoughts. Of course, he thought about it throughout the years, he dreamed of it. He dreamt of being outside with the fresh air and seeing sunlight. All he was familiar with was darkness and pain mixed with numbness. He recalled being scared due to the threats that Jameson threw at him. He promised to hurt Harry in extreme measures.

“I was scared,” Harry admitted.

In the beginning, Harry felt terrified. He was placed in darkness with only thin blankets and shrinking clothes. Two times a day, Jameson came to supply him with a less than a decent sized meal that wouldn’t satisfy the boy at all. In between the man behaved in the most inappropriate ways towards Harry. He violated him, left marks on him, and forced Harry to do things to _him_. It got worse, and no longer did Harry feel the pain or scared because it became normal. Jameson manipulated Harry into thinking this needed to be done; he earned this punishment.  

Eventually, Harry felt that the abuse and rape were well-deserved. He fought in the beginning, he remembered kicking, screaming, and throwing his arms around until Jameson stopped. But it was no use.

So, he stopped fighting. If that was what he deserved, then he had to take it.

He was so wrong.

“Or, did you want to stay? You didn’t want to go home, so you stayed with my client. Perhaps you enjoyed being with him. You liked everything about it.”

All hell broke loose. Louis erupted from his seat, ready to take charge at the piece of shit lawyer. They were wild and unthinkable accusations. The jurors were wide-eyed in disbelief. Harry’s and some of Louis’ family and the other onlookers in the seats gasped. Harry’s parents began to yell.

The judge slammed the gavel on the wood, trying to gain some control in his courtroom. “ _Order._ Order, everybody calm down!”

Finally, everyone settled down and took their seats. Louis, still standing, grabbed Harry’s attention. He mouthed, “You okay?”

His boy nodded with a stone-cold face. The judge gestured for Harry to answer the question, to everybody’s incredulity.

Harry almost growled at the accusation, his eyes on Jameson’s slight smug expression. “ _No_.”

“Are you sure about that?”

With a sudden burst of bravery, Harry took a deep breath. “I was a _child._ I didn’t instigate sex. I didn’t want him to hit me, to _rape_ me. I didn’t ask to be tortured for so many years. He threatened me, he said he’d kill me if I ever dared to leave him. I didn’t want any of this, _at all.”_

*****

A week later, the jurors gathered together for the deliberation. It didn’t take long for them to come to a decision, a positive thing, Harry’s lawyer had informed him. Once again they were in the courthouse for the umpteenth time in the past month. Through different witnesses and their testimonies, a decision had been made.

Before the trial, detectives were able to receive a warrant to investigate Jameson’s house. There they found the place Harry had been held captive in. His lawyers were able to use what they found as evidence that could help the jury to be on their side.

When Harry testified, he described the environment he was held in full detail. When investigators took the scene, it matched Harry’s descriptions. Pictures were taken and everyone in the courtroom had to see them when being discussed. Anne had to leave the room when it became too much for her. Harry, stood his ground, but Louis knew this was breaking his heart by bringing back the memories.

Jameson chose to not testify for reasons unknown to anyone. Harry was actually glad since it meant he didn't have to hear him talk. He hoped the lack of testimony from Jameson would go in his favor for the verdict. 

This verdict could either make it or break it for Harry. It’s between having the opportunity to move on with his life, finally getting to do the things he’s dreamt of. He wouldn’t have the tendency of looking behind his back for Jameson, _or,_ ruin his life further.

He had already relived every moment he remembered spent being captive. He had to go into detail since it's the only way to convince the jury to take his side.

His lawyer had told him that Harry did well while up at the stand. His parents were relentless in telling him that they both were proud of him for being so brave. And Louis, he could only admire Harry the entire time.

The tension could be cut with a knife. Silence once again filled the air; no different than every other day during the trial. Louis hadn’t taken a breath since he walked into the building. If he was nervous, he couldn’t imagine how Harry must be feeling. In the duration of it all, everyone had been surprised with Harry’s reaction to it all. There had been no emotional breakdowns that they knew of. No rage and aggression with some of the accusations.

Everyone in the room seated in their proper places, the judges with the bailiff entered the room. They all waited for the jurors to make their entrance. It didn’t take long before they did, one by one, filling in the seats. These twelve jurors held Harry and his family’s future in their hands.

Both sides made arguments that could spin the jurors' votes their way. Somehow, Jameson’s lawyer was able to make proclamations that could very well steer the case their way.

Louis didn’t know what could happen next. However, what he did know was that he’s ready to be by Harry’s side through it all.

The judge introduced the case once again for the records, then asked the jury if they came to a decision. The foreman announced that they had come to a decision and reached the verdict. The judge asked Jameson to rise from his seat.

Louis could only see the back of Harry’s head from behind; he was dying the see how he was reacting to everything.

“What say you, Mr. Foreman, is the defendant at the bar guilty or not guilty?’ The judge questioned.

The foreman cleared his throat before answering, “We find the defendant guilty, your honor.”

“Guilty of child kidnapping?”

“Yes, your honor.”

“In the first degree.”

The foreman nodded, “In the first degree.”

 *****

Harry’s twentieth birthday came between the time of the trial and the sentencing. It’s celebrated amongst his and Louis’ families, along with Liam, Zayn, and Niall. Louis wanted to give Harry a big gift to make-up for all the missed birthdays, but, Harry didn’t allow it. He felt being with his family and friends was a gift in itself.

Louis, the ever so charming man, found a way to give Harry a birthday gift. It was one that he was certain Harry wouldn’t mind.

They had to wait a week or so until Louis was able to make the appointment. Harry annoyed him the entire time, begging Louis to tell him what they were up to.

“Just be patient, love. It’ll be worth the wait,” Louis reassured Harry, squeezing his hand while the other handled the steering wheel.

“My birthday was a week ago and you still haven’t told me. All the patience has run out, I’m afraid.”

Louis only chuckled, letting Harry whine to himself. It wasn’t until the tattoo parlor came to view that Harry got the idea. “Are you getting a tattoo, Lou?”

Harry admitted to wanting to get another tattoo for some time now. It seemed that after he got the swallows on his chest, he’d been addicted to this way of expressing himself. It inspired Louis, and while he didn’t have any desire to get inked on his skin, he found it beautiful on Harry. It possibly changed his mind.

So, yes, Louis made an appointment to have a tattoo done. He eventually told Harry was that he's paying for both to get something done. Harry's squeal and firm kiss on his lips made the surprise worth it.

“What do you plan on getting? Where do you want to get it done, Lou? I’m so excited, you have no idea,” Harry babbled, not allowing Louis to get a word in. They entered the parlor, immediately approaching the front desk to check into their appointment.

Harry’s eyes brightened in the room, especially as he walked towards the wall that had different drawings and pictures of tattoos. His lengthy hair swung back and forth as he walked to one side of the board to the other.

Suddenly Louis felt Harry’s presence behind him. It’s confirmed when Harry bravely put his arm around his small waist. “How about we get something to match?”

Louis was not going to pretend the thought never crossed his mind, but it had. It’s something that would be the most meaningful and expressive thing on his body. Plus, it would be related to Harry.

"What do you have in mind?" Louis asked calmly as if his heart wasn't beating out of his chest. This was _huge._ Most of the time, getting a matching tattoo with someone meant both people pictured each other to be in their lives permanently. At least, that’s how Louis saw it as.

The girl at the front desk pulled out a binder filled with several kinds of tattoos. She flipped through pages until she found the page she wanted. “Here are some tats that people matched with one another. Unless you lads have something else in mind, these might give you some ideas, yeah?”

They both thanked the girl and began skimming through the pages, examining each one. There were traditional ones and more unique drawings that grabbed Louis' attention. Harry was in admiration, making Louis wonder what his boy thought about.

Occasionally Harry bit his lip, grabbing Louis’ attention more than the drawings. He looked content and at peace, an often occurrence since the verdict was announced a couple weeks ago. It warmed Louis’ heart and eased his mind to know that Harry was doing alright, that he even appeared happy.

“Lou,” Harry whispered, grabbing his hand and pointing to a pair of tattoo drawings. Louis didn’t need an explanation of how they would fit them and their relationship. They both knew without uttering a word to clarify it. They were perfect.

“Which one do you want to get?” Louis looked at Harry, pushing some of his hair behind his hair, and giving him a kiss on the temple.

“I want the anchor.”

“Then I’ll get the compass.”

As they inform the tattoo artist of the pieces they’d want. They gave them time as they prepared the sketches for them. Harry and Louis continued to wait at the front of the store. Warm hands clasped together with soft whispers to each other. No one didn’t have the heart to even try to interrupt them.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something,” Louis spoke up, hoping they had time. Someone opened the door to the shop, bringing in the cold air from the outside and sending shivers up his spine.

The glow of the neon sign cast over the both of them, His sharp jawline, his jade-colored eyes, and the light freckles around his nose illuminated. “What is it?”

“At the courthouse, you called me your boyfriend,” Louis started. He gave Harry a moment to remember, with it being a few weeks since it happened. He knew Harry remembered when a slight blush crept up his neck and onto his cheeks.

“Did I?” Harry doubted, narrowing his eyes as if trying to recall Louis’ claim. “I’m not sure if I recall that, I don’t like liars, baby.”

Louis lifted their intertwined hands and nibbled on Harry’s fingertips. “Don’t be a little shit.”

They giggled, Harry pushing Louis away to stop him from practically eating his fingers. “Lou, stop, stop. Alright! I’ll confess.”

Louis waited. “Well?”

“I don’t know. I just assumed we were boyfriends? We go out on dates, we kiss and stuff. We care about each other a lot. You make me really happy, you teach me a lot about the world and I’m learning to love it again.”

Louis nodded in agreement to all Harry said because it was all true. But he not only cared about Harry a lot. “I more than care about you.”

“Same here, Lou.”

Harry wouldn't understand. "I don't think you get it, I, I care about you so, so, much. There are times when I look at you and I feel like my heart's ready to just jump out of my chest. There are times when you do something, and I see you happy and I just want to cry.”

“I’m so lucky to have you,” Harry stated.

Louis couldn’t wait anymore. He couldn’t live in a whole where Harry Styles didn’t know that he was in love with him.

“I’ve fallen in love with you, all over again. I already was as a child, but now I am as an adult,” Louis murmured. He brought Harry’s face closer, stroking his cheek. “I love you so much, and despite everything that we have had to endure this past year, it doesn’t matter. You’re it for me, I’ve decided. It’s been decided since I was two-years-old, I think.”

Louis’ seen Harry cry many times over the last several months. He’s had to see his large eyes filled with tears in pain and terror over his traumatic experience. He’s seen his face scrunch up with confusion because according to him and everyone else, it wasn’t fair that he had to go through this. And every single time, it physically broke Louis’ heart to witness it, it even brought tears to his own eyes.

Today, Harry cried for a different reason, and Louis knew it wasn’t one for pain or suffering. It was for being _happy._

“I love you too, I think,” Harry responded with a giggle.

“Oh, you think?”

Harry shrugged. “I’ve never known what love was, Louis. I don’t know if what I’m feeling could be defined as love. But with everything you said, I feel it too. I didn’t know what to expect when I managed to escape, I wasn’t sure how life would be for me. I didn’t really care? But you’ve made everything easier. Everything is now doable, and I look forward to it all.”

Louis pressed their lips together when he noticed Harry’s breath quickened.

“I just love being with you all the time, and maybe that’s me being really dependent but I just know it makes me happy and I feel like I can do things on my own with your support. But it’s more than that. I love hearing about your day, seeing you get excited about an upcoming lesson for your class. I love cooking for you after you've had a long day when the kids have been overwhelming. But I really love being with you because you teach me how to love myself. That’s love, right?”

Louis couldn’t stop crying in the middle of the tattoo parlor and he quite frankly didn’t give a fuck. “You’re a sap but I love you for it.”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded. “I love you, too, Lou. Hey, that rhymes!”

 *****

Following the guilty verdict, ninety days went by before Jameson was finally sentenced. Harry and his family didn’t have to be present for the announcement, much to their pleasure.

Twenty-five years in prison is what’s decided.

It was something, but most importantly, there was finally some relief.

**Author's Note:**

> hi loves!
> 
> follow me on [tumblr!](http://louiesunshine.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Here is the rebloggable [post :) ](http://louiesunshine.tumblr.com/post/174446416463/we-live-through-scars-this-time-by-louiesunshine)


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